i dunno..
I really don't know what to say. I'm currently listening to my Dad scream at my Grandma downstairs. He's finally unleashing all of his hatred for our family? I don't know. My Grandparents and cousins want me to see them for Christmas, and my Dad wants me to stay home and be all "to hell with everyone." I honestly would like to see my family, but it might be weird. I don't know what to do right now, because either way, I am letting someone down. Either A. I let down my family, who I don't see very often, and let at least 15 people down. or B. I let down my Dad, who I live with every day.
I really just don't want to let anyone down, because it seems like thats all I ever do is let people down. I saw my Mom for a few minutes today. She got me some really nice things, and I realized, that all of the times I've said I hated her, or didin't care about her. I never meant those things... I just miss her, and my fucking life so much. Everything is falling down around me, and I'm trying so hard to keep things balanced. I'm staying sober, and trying to keep smiling.
It's just really really really really really hard. I hate being put in situations like this, because it does nothing for my self esteem. And it seems like the problem I'm trying to solve, is only being bombared by a trillion obstacles. I've been so confused lately, I've changed my mind a million times over, probably confused the hell out of Mallory. It's almost like I'm indirectly ruining everyone and everything around me.
I'm sorry if I've ever let any of you down. I'll be around tonight if anyone wants to call or something. I'm sorry for such a negative post on Christmas day.
Happy Holidays everyone.... And take care of yourselves.... please. Life is too short to be hung up on stupid grudges, and small problems. To those of you who positively associate yourselves with me. thank you...
I really just don't want to let anyone down, because it seems like thats all I ever do is let people down. I saw my Mom for a few minutes today. She got me some really nice things, and I realized, that all of the times I've said I hated her, or didin't care about her. I never meant those things... I just miss her, and my fucking life so much. Everything is falling down around me, and I'm trying so hard to keep things balanced. I'm staying sober, and trying to keep smiling.
It's just really really really really really hard. I hate being put in situations like this, because it does nothing for my self esteem. And it seems like the problem I'm trying to solve, is only being bombared by a trillion obstacles. I've been so confused lately, I've changed my mind a million times over, probably confused the hell out of Mallory. It's almost like I'm indirectly ruining everyone and everything around me.
I'm sorry if I've ever let any of you down. I'll be around tonight if anyone wants to call or something. I'm sorry for such a negative post on Christmas day.
Happy Holidays everyone.... And take care of yourselves.... please. Life is too short to be hung up on stupid grudges, and small problems. To those of you who positively associate yourselves with me. thank you...