(no subject)
I dont know what to write because i dont have the perfect words to express this feeling...
However, in related to news, i was thinking about the perfect metaphor so to speak of what my academic life is like here at Boston University but unfortunately i forgot what that was...
But my current thought to take the place of the perfect metaphor is:
actually i dont feel like writing that either...
I'm gonna simplify from its original version which was actually a nice short story.
::I walked.::
::Tripped.::
::Fell on my face.::
::Tried to get up, but they wont let me.::
::They slam me back into the ground.::
I can do it.
-No you cant!
Yes I can!
I'm standing up.
::I begin to move.::
I'm getting strength!
I have new found energy.
-We were only toying with you.
::They slam me back down.::
-Stay down and dont get up.
They took it away.
My dreams.
My future.
All that i've been working for.
-They're useless to you.
-You wont achieve them.
::Yes I will.::
-No you wont.
::Yes I will.::
-NO YOU WONT.
::...No..I..Wont...::
I'm not suicidal or depressed or anything. This is just how things are in my head. No need for the, "feel better" and "it'll be ok" comments or anything to that sort...cuz it wont be. I know how things are; i accept them. I try to dissociate myself from the reality that is quickly approaching in about 500 days. It's better not to think of the hole that is way too deep for me to dig myself out of. Well its not like i'm failing (technically). Nor is it about whether i will graduate cuz i know i'm going to--God willing. And i know other people have to worry about those two things which really sucks for them. My dilemma is really just a realization that these four year were a waste for what they are supposed to accomplish. Cuz i mean it wasn't a complete waste. I experienced things here which were good to experience and go through. I learned a lot. But for the purpose that its suppose to accomplish...i doubt that it'll happen. That Brick Wall is getting really close now. If i'm lucky, before i get to slam into it, maybe some miracle will bring that shit down like in Berlin. I feel that this was sufficient rambling. I cant wait to see how i ruin tomorrow.
However, in related to news, i was thinking about the perfect metaphor so to speak of what my academic life is like here at Boston University but unfortunately i forgot what that was...
But my current thought to take the place of the perfect metaphor is:
actually i dont feel like writing that either...
I'm gonna simplify from its original version which was actually a nice short story.
::I walked.::
::Tripped.::
::Fell on my face.::
::Tried to get up, but they wont let me.::
::They slam me back into the ground.::
I can do it.
-No you cant!
Yes I can!
I'm standing up.
::I begin to move.::
I'm getting strength!
I have new found energy.
-We were only toying with you.
::They slam me back down.::
-Stay down and dont get up.
They took it away.
My dreams.
My future.
All that i've been working for.
-They're useless to you.
-You wont achieve them.
::Yes I will.::
-No you wont.
::Yes I will.::
-NO YOU WONT.
::...No..I..Wont...::
I'm not suicidal or depressed or anything. This is just how things are in my head. No need for the, "feel better" and "it'll be ok" comments or anything to that sort...cuz it wont be. I know how things are; i accept them. I try to dissociate myself from the reality that is quickly approaching in about 500 days. It's better not to think of the hole that is way too deep for me to dig myself out of. Well its not like i'm failing (technically). Nor is it about whether i will graduate cuz i know i'm going to--God willing. And i know other people have to worry about those two things which really sucks for them. My dilemma is really just a realization that these four year were a waste for what they are supposed to accomplish. Cuz i mean it wasn't a complete waste. I experienced things here which were good to experience and go through. I learned a lot. But for the purpose that its suppose to accomplish...i doubt that it'll happen. That Brick Wall is getting really close now. If i'm lucky, before i get to slam into it, maybe some miracle will bring that shit down like in Berlin. I feel that this was sufficient rambling. I cant wait to see how i ruin tomorrow.