i don't know how i'm going to get through this...
i wish i could say that halloween this year was going to be amazing like last year...
but it's not
last year i had my boyfriend and we had an amazing time and were deeply in love
and this year we still love each other
but he's gone
because he broke up with me
after a year and a half
and i can't be mad at him and i don't hate him
because he felt it was something that had to be done
i've been trying to be mature about this and just try to get through the day
but all i can think about is him
every fucking thing reminds me of him and all i want is to have him back with me and to be happy again together like we used to
i'm trying to be strong but i still feel like i'm slipping away
i feel like a part of me is now gone and empty
i've cried more in the past few days than i think i have in my total life combined
and i still can't stop
my friends have been absolutely amazing to me and i don't know what i would have done without them
and i really do appreciate everything they've done for me
i'm so lucky to have friends like that that care so much about me
like the fact that everyone listened and helped me out when i called them...the fact that angie came down right after i called her to keep me company for two nights in a row now...the fact that maggie, april and mike are letting me stay at their place because i can't stand to go back to my dorm right now cause i just can't be alone right now...the fact that emily, maggie, april and mike came right over when i called them balling my eyes out when adam left after the breakup...the fact that gunnar, emily and pasqua sat by me outside in the freezing cold when i couldn't stop crying and were there to keep me company...and that's just some of the instances...
but i still miss adam so much
and i still want him in my life even if it's just as a friend at this point even though it kills me that we're not together anymore
when you date someone they become one of your best friends...and i can't just discard that...can't just completely kick them out of your life...
i just don't know how long it'll take me to get over these feelings i'm having...
and i know we've been growing apart as of lately
but i want to give it another chance so bad
we both love each other so much and i don't want to give up on us
but it can't work unless that feeling is mutual
and i'm not blaming adam for doing what he thinks is right...and i could never hate him...and i don't want anyone to think he's a horrible person for what he did...
it just tears me up inside to the point that at times i don't want to go on with life...don't want to give a fuck about anything at all...unless he's by my side
i know in time it should get better but right now i don't want anyone else but him
so the last few days i've been so incredibly sick mentally, emotionally and physically
and i'm scared to think of how long that will last
adam was my first in alot of things...my first love, first long relationship...
and i still love him to death
and that's what's killing me right now...
but it's not
last year i had my boyfriend and we had an amazing time and were deeply in love
and this year we still love each other
but he's gone
because he broke up with me
after a year and a half
and i can't be mad at him and i don't hate him
because he felt it was something that had to be done
i've been trying to be mature about this and just try to get through the day
but all i can think about is him
every fucking thing reminds me of him and all i want is to have him back with me and to be happy again together like we used to
i'm trying to be strong but i still feel like i'm slipping away
i feel like a part of me is now gone and empty
i've cried more in the past few days than i think i have in my total life combined
and i still can't stop
my friends have been absolutely amazing to me and i don't know what i would have done without them
and i really do appreciate everything they've done for me
i'm so lucky to have friends like that that care so much about me
like the fact that everyone listened and helped me out when i called them...the fact that angie came down right after i called her to keep me company for two nights in a row now...the fact that maggie, april and mike are letting me stay at their place because i can't stand to go back to my dorm right now cause i just can't be alone right now...the fact that emily, maggie, april and mike came right over when i called them balling my eyes out when adam left after the breakup...the fact that gunnar, emily and pasqua sat by me outside in the freezing cold when i couldn't stop crying and were there to keep me company...and that's just some of the instances...
but i still miss adam so much
and i still want him in my life even if it's just as a friend at this point even though it kills me that we're not together anymore
when you date someone they become one of your best friends...and i can't just discard that...can't just completely kick them out of your life...
i just don't know how long it'll take me to get over these feelings i'm having...
and i know we've been growing apart as of lately
but i want to give it another chance so bad
we both love each other so much and i don't want to give up on us
but it can't work unless that feeling is mutual
and i'm not blaming adam for doing what he thinks is right...and i could never hate him...and i don't want anyone to think he's a horrible person for what he did...
it just tears me up inside to the point that at times i don't want to go on with life...don't want to give a fuck about anything at all...unless he's by my side
i know in time it should get better but right now i don't want anyone else but him
so the last few days i've been so incredibly sick mentally, emotionally and physically
and i'm scared to think of how long that will last
adam was my first in alot of things...my first love, first long relationship...
and i still love him to death
and that's what's killing me right now...