Here I am...

[aqua_namari]

At my mom's I have loads of attention.
Things are relaxed.
My siblings miss me and are happy to see me every time.
Mark's friends come over and they wave excitedly at me too.
"Oh hey you're other sister is here!"

Or when Mark introduces them to me for the first time.
"I told you she was real."
It's a bit of an odd feeling....

Even more odd when adults- friends or peers of my mother become surprised by my existence.
"...She's your daughter? I didn't know you had an older one..."
It's in that moment, for that split second where I think I'm that smear on mom's record.
That she didn't go the route of school, graduating, job, marriage, babies...
The order got mixed up.
I don't think she's particular ashamed of it.
It's more of a "This made me stronger and life doesn't always work out how you planned, but I made mine work."
and I know she's proud of me because she's said it.
She's said "Hey you're going to school, you're out of debt, and you didn't end up in a bunch of shit that other kids end up in."

I'm not really sure there's a point to this post... This is just stuff that's come and go in my mind.