today
at last the rain has stopped. there is a glow in the sky and it has the ground looking gray. this road has never been so straight. this afternoon, this pavement it stretched further than i can ever remember it stretching before. it's reach seemed so much longer, it's length appeared so much greater. my eyes felt such a burden as dashes turned to lines in the distance of my gaze. it left me missing my home, hoping i would find it somewhere along the way. every cloud swelled and billowed like tufts of cotton or the way you would imagine it must have looked when the world was first born, back when god just pulled it all out from nothing. to think we were made from such beauty, that he would dream of us with such eagerness and inspiration. we are so blessed to have that design course through our veins, squirm in our stomachs. in our love lies the wonder of his. today, you could see it all around. it rested in the way the crest of each mountainous fog did not sink softly against the sky, never gray against blue, but instead radiated an outline that made the clouds seem whiter, the blues seem that much brighter. painted in sunshine, as if drawn with the tip of a lightning bolt tied to the pen of an artist. the background, the cadmium blue of glacier's rim, spilled up over the horizon, almost overlapping the cities and their dagger-like buildings, fingers that would hold up the air and bear the weight of the clouds. to keep your eyes fixated on the ground or anywhere but heaven above felt like choosing not to fly. my mind wandered so, imagining to fall into that blue blaze, to reach and touch such beauty. it made my shoes heavy, my car a cage. i wished to bend the frame away from my eyes, to pour from my seat and out of my bones. but whether by buckle or belt or the devils hands in my heart i could not. what envy, what jealousy. i hated my breath, upset that it could meld into a world that i could not. please, let me be a whisper, i asked, a passing thought, even the black smoke that i may be spread into something greater than i am. make me transparent, no longer opaque so that all light should stop at surface level. i miss it's warmth. make me a wraith, a ghost, anything that i may touch everything and nothing all at once. the thought itself, that i would miss my father so much, i swear it must account for his existence and his fingerprints on our souls. there must be some truth in eyes that water. let these be the words that will bleed into the air, that they may be part of something i am not. please god, should these words carry their course, i miss you, have missed you, and should never go so long without your voice.