Lover alone without love
I've been playing my guitar a lot lately. Whenever I get lonely I play a little more I think. My nails are too long, but I hate when my nails are short. I think I may grow my hair out again. I haven't cute serious length off since March. Its too my shoulders. My boss thinks I should keep it short. The screenwriter things I should grow it out and I don't think anyone else really cares. I was playing guitar the most that one semester I took guitar obviously but before that it hadn't been since maybe Freshman year of high school. That was a five year gap. I found all my old planners from TLU and went through them. Even though I've been keeping a diary since the 7th grade there are a lot of things missing from them and when I look at my old planners it somewhat fills in the gap. I couldn't remember when my first date with Matt was and apparently it was October 11th 2004. It also surprises me things that I remember that aren't in my planner. I don't think they're in my diaries either. It'd be really neurotic to try to cross-reference all that. Maybe tomorrow night when I'm bored I'll do that. I found some planners from high school too but I can't find the one from my senior year- I remember it was yellow and had this name tag from Hot Diggity Doo Dah (who remembers those days?) that McCusker wrote in his horrible handwriting. I made it prettier with colors and stickers, but I can't find it anywhere. I have to have it somewhere. I know there's stuff in there that I didn't write about, even though my senior year is the year when I went through an entire blank book in 10 months, so maybe I don't need the planner to remember that year. I'm all about documenting things. I put everything in my computer at work. I'll have to print out all my calendar sheets cause there's stuff there that I wont want to forget and my diary entries as of late have been more emotional than factual. I cleaned my apartment tonight and as I sit here with clean floors and stuff put away it makes me feel lonelier. I feel like when its cluttered its homey and comforting now it just seems empty. When my raise starts showing up in my pay check, hopefully Sept. 1, then I'll decorate and put things on the rest of my walls and maybe get a new bed set. Summer is almost over. I've never liked the summer. I can't even remember the last one I liked, last summer rivals the one after senior year for being the crappiest summer in history. This summer was bad, but I was busy so it went by quickly. God fall is going to be killer, every day I think of more and more stuff I have to do. Luckily my boss is trying to hire another "me" but this time a boy- which'll be nice, but until then he gave me a work study. I have to start interviewing them soon. I really could have used a work study this summer, but oh-well better late than never. I think I'll play myself to sleep again.