(no subject)
Okay so I'm not really sure who uses livejournal anymore, but I like writing in here because it's fun to look back on what was going on in my life. I've had this since 2004, wow.
So this is what is going on in my life:
I broke up with Nate. I've never been more confused about anything, and I hate it. I just feel like I need to be by myself more. I need to focus on school and especially trumpet. There are 50 more days in this semester. I'm not sure what will happen with Nate and I, but I'm sure that if it's meant to be, my feelings will change. It is just not the right time for me.
Friends are great, they really are. But I don't feel close to anyone. I don't feel like I have anyone that I can completely be comfortable with. No one that I can just call up spontaneously to hang out with. I'm so afraid of bothering people that I've shut myself out of friendships both at home, and out here in Ypsi. I need to work on friendships that I've let go. I just hope it's not too late. People have their cliques and I don't feel like I'm apart of one, it's dumb and sad at the same time. But I have 2 years left at EMU and I really don't want to waste them.
My grandma died a year ago today, so that's been on my mind. It's really sad and depressing, but it's life. I don't want to go another year without her. There's nothing more I can really say about it. I miss her and I miss being close with my family. I stayed at Eastern for the majority of break because my dad is in Puerto Rico (weird, since my grandma died there last year). I don't feel like I have a home and that's really strange for me. We're moving into the house in Brownstown in a few months (I hope), so maybe I can call that my home. But I'm moving into the house with my trumpet pals in August, and I'll be there for a year. I'm really excited about that. It'll be fun, I think.
Eggers, my trumpet professor, keeps telling me I'm on the verge of being a really great trumpet player. I feel it too, but I don't know how to get over the obstacle that stands in my way. I need to let go, and just...enjoy playing...Maybe I'm a bit of a control freak. But it's really hard for me to not want to control everything about the trumpet. I love it though, really. This semester has been great for me. I'm playing a solo that is really opening up my sound and I love it. I played a little bit of it in front of the studio a couple weeks ago, and it felt so natural. I don't feel nervous anymore and that is a huge accomplishment for me.
I'm pretty sure that if I know I want something, I'll give 110%, no matter what. I'm not confident about wanting a lot of things right now (like Nate), but I know for a fact, that I want to be a music teacher. More than anything. So I'm going to give it everything I've got (that was cheesy, sorry).
So this is what is going on in my life:
I broke up with Nate. I've never been more confused about anything, and I hate it. I just feel like I need to be by myself more. I need to focus on school and especially trumpet. There are 50 more days in this semester. I'm not sure what will happen with Nate and I, but I'm sure that if it's meant to be, my feelings will change. It is just not the right time for me.
Friends are great, they really are. But I don't feel close to anyone. I don't feel like I have anyone that I can completely be comfortable with. No one that I can just call up spontaneously to hang out with. I'm so afraid of bothering people that I've shut myself out of friendships both at home, and out here in Ypsi. I need to work on friendships that I've let go. I just hope it's not too late. People have their cliques and I don't feel like I'm apart of one, it's dumb and sad at the same time. But I have 2 years left at EMU and I really don't want to waste them.
My grandma died a year ago today, so that's been on my mind. It's really sad and depressing, but it's life. I don't want to go another year without her. There's nothing more I can really say about it. I miss her and I miss being close with my family. I stayed at Eastern for the majority of break because my dad is in Puerto Rico (weird, since my grandma died there last year). I don't feel like I have a home and that's really strange for me. We're moving into the house in Brownstown in a few months (I hope), so maybe I can call that my home. But I'm moving into the house with my trumpet pals in August, and I'll be there for a year. I'm really excited about that. It'll be fun, I think.
Eggers, my trumpet professor, keeps telling me I'm on the verge of being a really great trumpet player. I feel it too, but I don't know how to get over the obstacle that stands in my way. I need to let go, and just...enjoy playing...Maybe I'm a bit of a control freak. But it's really hard for me to not want to control everything about the trumpet. I love it though, really. This semester has been great for me. I'm playing a solo that is really opening up my sound and I love it. I played a little bit of it in front of the studio a couple weeks ago, and it felt so natural. I don't feel nervous anymore and that is a huge accomplishment for me.
I'm pretty sure that if I know I want something, I'll give 110%, no matter what. I'm not confident about wanting a lot of things right now (like Nate), but I know for a fact, that I want to be a music teacher. More than anything. So I'm going to give it everything I've got (that was cheesy, sorry).