great things
So life is going pretty well, money is good, old friends and ex's finally stopped stalking me. on the waiting list at addison park. Super psyched about this summer. so what If I'm single, I should be fucking used to that by now.
I guess I'm just one of those people who can't have relationships. NEver once have I had one that just fucking worked. It's always some huge bullshit associated with everything. Danielle is psychotic, stephanie is smothering, and shannon dosen't really want anything to do with me, and hell I can't blame her.
My goal, my mission Is to find a good girlfriend.
What's so fucking wrong with that?
I guess everytyhing.
Why is it that no matter how hard I try, No matter what I do, NOTHYING EVER works out.
I seriously just feel like giving up and getting myself nuetered. I mean what's the fucking point in even fucking trying to meet a girl, when I know beforehand that for one of a plethora of reasons I'm just going to end up alone and hurt.
I think it's time to say Fuck everybody. and do what's right for ME. I'm tired of wishing and hopeing that things work out. That's not my style. I believe that this whole if it's ment to be it will be thing.. Who means it to be? And who the fuck do they think they are to sentance me to a solitary life? Hmmm? whatever big plan god has in store for me that requires me to have the worst fucking history with love, relationships and girls in general, he can go shit on it. I'm sick and tired of living in this shit hole of a town, I'm sick and tired of haveing Zero friends worth a damn. If you still live in denver and you still smoke weed, YOU"RE NOT MY FUCKING FRIEND. Yeah it sucks basiclly working and sleeping "the best times of your life" away.
And who the fuck ever said that, that 16-26 is the best decade?" whoever they were, they were a mother fucking lying piece of maggot infested Dog Shit.
the last few years have been miserable, mind I made them that way, But it dosen't change the fact.
I have every reason to be happy, But I'm not. Why? Because I have the profound beliefe that there isn't anyone out there for me. Maybe you have hopes of meeting "the one" some day.
I don't IU already met her and fucked that allllll up. four years, rehab therapy and a major change in lifestyle haven't done anything to bring her back, and I guess it's time to accept that. No one even reads this anymore, so i really don't even know why I'm typing this, maybe because if it stays in my head any longer I'll explode.
I am a jaded cynical person, I always have been, and I always will be. But no matter how hard I try to make you look like the "bad guy" It dosen't work, becuase you me and everyone else in the world knows who fucked it up, I did. I know that. I can't forget it, And I can't make it up to you. I can't just deny my feeling for you, I can't just say well You're always going to love her to death, and your probably never going to see her again so just forget about it. How do you forget about the best time of your life? How do you forget your first (and most likely only) true love? I don't know I wish i did.
I wish you could read my mind, so you could KNOW that I AM NOT THAT GUY, I HAVE GROWN UP, yeah sure it took longer for me then for most other people. but it dosen't change the fact that I AM Not That Same Person. I would Die before letting myself or ANYTHING hurt you. I just wish you believed/trusted me or whatever.
\
I don't regret us, I just regret fucking it all up. even after the relationship ended I was horrible to you. I can't explain why, I knew it was wrong when I was doing it, but i still did it, I still said and wrote the things I did. Why? because I was angry, hurt and depressed. I'm not angry or hurt or depressed anymore, I've essentially gotten over it. But it still dosen't make it any easier knowing that the pain I caused you is what makes you so distant now.
I guess I'm just one of those people who can't have relationships. NEver once have I had one that just fucking worked. It's always some huge bullshit associated with everything. Danielle is psychotic, stephanie is smothering, and shannon dosen't really want anything to do with me, and hell I can't blame her.
My goal, my mission Is to find a good girlfriend.
What's so fucking wrong with that?
I guess everytyhing.
Why is it that no matter how hard I try, No matter what I do, NOTHYING EVER works out.
I seriously just feel like giving up and getting myself nuetered. I mean what's the fucking point in even fucking trying to meet a girl, when I know beforehand that for one of a plethora of reasons I'm just going to end up alone and hurt.
I think it's time to say Fuck everybody. and do what's right for ME. I'm tired of wishing and hopeing that things work out. That's not my style. I believe that this whole if it's ment to be it will be thing.. Who means it to be? And who the fuck do they think they are to sentance me to a solitary life? Hmmm? whatever big plan god has in store for me that requires me to have the worst fucking history with love, relationships and girls in general, he can go shit on it. I'm sick and tired of living in this shit hole of a town, I'm sick and tired of haveing Zero friends worth a damn. If you still live in denver and you still smoke weed, YOU"RE NOT MY FUCKING FRIEND. Yeah it sucks basiclly working and sleeping "the best times of your life" away.
And who the fuck ever said that, that 16-26 is the best decade?" whoever they were, they were a mother fucking lying piece of maggot infested Dog Shit.
the last few years have been miserable, mind I made them that way, But it dosen't change the fact.
I have every reason to be happy, But I'm not. Why? Because I have the profound beliefe that there isn't anyone out there for me. Maybe you have hopes of meeting "the one" some day.
I don't IU already met her and fucked that allllll up. four years, rehab therapy and a major change in lifestyle haven't done anything to bring her back, and I guess it's time to accept that. No one even reads this anymore, so i really don't even know why I'm typing this, maybe because if it stays in my head any longer I'll explode.
I am a jaded cynical person, I always have been, and I always will be. But no matter how hard I try to make you look like the "bad guy" It dosen't work, becuase you me and everyone else in the world knows who fucked it up, I did. I know that. I can't forget it, And I can't make it up to you. I can't just deny my feeling for you, I can't just say well You're always going to love her to death, and your probably never going to see her again so just forget about it. How do you forget about the best time of your life? How do you forget your first (and most likely only) true love? I don't know I wish i did.
I wish you could read my mind, so you could KNOW that I AM NOT THAT GUY, I HAVE GROWN UP, yeah sure it took longer for me then for most other people. but it dosen't change the fact that I AM Not That Same Person. I would Die before letting myself or ANYTHING hurt you. I just wish you believed/trusted me or whatever.
\
I don't regret us, I just regret fucking it all up. even after the relationship ended I was horrible to you. I can't explain why, I knew it was wrong when I was doing it, but i still did it, I still said and wrote the things I did. Why? because I was angry, hurt and depressed. I'm not angry or hurt or depressed anymore, I've essentially gotten over it. But it still dosen't make it any easier knowing that the pain I caused you is what makes you so distant now.