this feels right.
It is tough to believe 2009 is almost over. A lot has happened, and I have grown up more this year than I ever have before. Regarding my last post, I didn't do anything wrong then. Things were fine between us but about a week later, he met someone else and everything fell apart. Trevor and I have this never ending cycle (sound familiar?) all year. He's at Tech now and to be completely honest, I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore. He doesn't want me. I don't necessarily want him either but I wish I could say that one day we'll be together - except that will never happen. I know. Never say never but I can't really be positive anymore. We're friends. We hook up. That's the extent of it. I'm lucky he's still in my life. He genuinely is a great guy, and I fell in love and he broke my heart. It happens. It's funny how things work out. Things never turn out the way you think they ought to be. I do know I am slowly but surely getting over him. It's going to take time, but I'm always going to be OK.
I didn't love Cody. I didn't love anyone before. I do love Trev. I know I do. I'm sure in a few years, I look back on it as a confused first love or my first experience with love, but I do know I love him. I feel it in my heart, and I can honestly say I never saw it coming. I never saw him coming. It just happened.
I do want to know this one day. On Oct. 30, he came over... upset. It was the first time we had actually had genuine contact with each other in over a month (big fight, weren't friends) and he kept trying to leave so he could go drink more, but I wouldn't let him. Then I was holding him and he told me I couldn't do that because of feelings he was getting "down there," and I told him to look at me. He did. I kissed him. He pulled away and said it wasn't right. I explained my last kiss with him couldn't be me acting like some psychotic bitch in a car. He laughed. We kissed. It turned passionate. As he was kissing me and laying me down on my bed, he stopped. Then he looked at me for a second and said, "This feels right."
I want to know what that meant. I really do. I guess I'll probably never know.
Don't let me go.
Love happens.
I didn't love Cody. I didn't love anyone before. I do love Trev. I know I do. I'm sure in a few years, I look back on it as a confused first love or my first experience with love, but I do know I love him. I feel it in my heart, and I can honestly say I never saw it coming. I never saw him coming. It just happened.
I do want to know this one day. On Oct. 30, he came over... upset. It was the first time we had actually had genuine contact with each other in over a month (big fight, weren't friends) and he kept trying to leave so he could go drink more, but I wouldn't let him. Then I was holding him and he told me I couldn't do that because of feelings he was getting "down there," and I told him to look at me. He did. I kissed him. He pulled away and said it wasn't right. I explained my last kiss with him couldn't be me acting like some psychotic bitch in a car. He laughed. We kissed. It turned passionate. As he was kissing me and laying me down on my bed, he stopped. Then he looked at me for a second and said, "This feels right."
I want to know what that meant. I really do. I guess I'll probably never know.
Don't let me go.
Love happens.