(no subject)
In my quest to find myself I found out I was never really lost. Just a bit confused I always thought something was missing in my life and it was. I never let myself be happy, I always told myself that when I had the perfect job or a great house or a fat bank account then I would me happy. I told myself if I am not happy now those things will not make me happy either. How did I get to this point in my life? It was not easy, I walked out on my marriage it's not something I felt great about doing but I knew the only one who could save me was me. Walking away from the person who knows you best, leaving the only life you know to start a new one took more guts then I thought I had. I feel like I am a better person but I also feel some guilt. My soon to be ex-husband did not want a divorce and did not want me to leave I stayed as long as I could we were not happy. And I don't think he loved me he loved the idea of being married having the perfect life. Our life was not perfect and it took me leave to realize no matter what I did i never would have been happy. When I left I felt like i had failed again. That once again I started something I was never going to finish. No matter how hard I had tried I always failed because I was telling myself I would. I had backed myself into a corner and when someone would get too close I would come out fighting. I still have my moments but now I have more good days then bad days and my bad days aren't so bad. I found the one thing in life I was missing me.