[Scene] April Gets a Job at Tres Bien
April: *Turns the corner and stops in front of Trés Bien. Enters after trying to pronounce the name of the restaurant under her breath (though she's nowhere near close), and stops in the threshold to examine the interior. It's very pink, and she approves. She drums her fingertips against the countertop and waits.*
Jean: *The place is completely empty, and a heavy floral scent thickens the air. The muffled sound of ballet trickles in from the kitchen area. Deep, semi-masculine humming accompanies the recording, and there’s a rhythmic thump, thump, as if someone were jumping around. Otherwise, all is still.*
April: *She continues to tap her fingers, the tempo increasing as she becomes a little impatient. Finally, her ears pick up the sound of humming coming from the kitchen and she leaves the counter to poke her head into the kitchen.*
April: Umm, hello?
Jean: *A large, rotund, strangely muscular man is balancing on his tippy-toes in the kitchen, dressed from head to do in baby pink. There is no food on the stove, nothing cooking. He has a set of speakers atop the counter, playing CINDERELLA'S DANCE from, well, the ballet CINDERELLA. He looks as if he's about to attempt a not-so-graceful jump when--*
Jean: -- Sacré Bleu! *Nearly falls to the floor after a failed jump attempt, his chef’s hat fluttering to the ground. Scrambles to turn off the music, plucks his hat from the air and sashays toward April with exaggerated arm movements.* Oh, non non! Zis is for employees only! Are you 'ere for la special suprême?? *flutters eyelashes daintily as if trying to win her over after his initial outburst, ushers April forcefully out of the kitchen*
April: *April, who is taken aback by the somewhat feminine nature of the chef and his dancing, allows herself to be lead out of the kitchen. Once they have left the kitchen she faces him.*
April: Oooh! No, no, no! I'm not here for the special. You said you'd, like, hire me.
Jean: *looks a little downtrodden for a few moments, then brightens considerably* Ah-- Oui, oui, la advertisement, Mademoiselle! Bien! *steps back, studies April's face and assets. Nibbles his lip effeminately* You 'ave la face perfectement, la style magnifique. *tragically, as if a tear would fall from his eye at any moment* Mais, you look like a sad kitten come in from ze rain. Some scent de la rose should perk you right up, non?
April: Sad little kitten?
Jean: FELICITATIONS! You 'ave passed! *As if he made a complete 180, bright, chipper, and excited* Come zis way, come wiz me!
Jean: *takes April's hand and drags her to a back storage room, beyond the kitchen. The storage room, much to a normal person’s horror, is just as reminiscent of a pink gingerbread house as the restaurant.*
Jean: You will start immédiatement!
April: *a little bewildered, but glad she got the job*
April: Umm, okay!
Jean: You need la uniform, non? *rummages through some dusty shelves, makes a high-pitched exclamation as he finds what he’s looking for. Dusts it off.*
Jean: 'Ere, take zis! *shoves a pile of orange and white frilly clothes into her arms*
Jean: And I will arrange artistique la bottles d'aromatherapy for la restaurante! Zat will be best for business.
Jean: It will be trés fantastique! Go change, rapidemente!
April: *Holds up uniform and eyes it critically*
April: Orange?
Jean: Go, ma petite chulip! Allez!
Jean: *picks up a bouquet of roses he's stored back there just for the purpose of brightening his day. Nevermind the twelve bouquets he keeps at the front of the house*
Jean: *stuffs his nose into the center of the bouquet and inhales, looooooooooooong, satisfied sigh* I am wai-ting!
April: *scurries away to change in the restroom Once she's done, she steps out of the stall to eye herself in the mirror and wrinkles her nose a little bit, then mumbles to herself* Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed. *Blows herself a quick kiss and comes out.*
Jean: *is carefully curling his facial hair in the mirror with a little giggle, one of the roses now tucked neatly into his pocket. Turns as April reemerges.* Ah! Fantastique! Now zere is your true beauty, non? I 'ave ze finishing touch right 'ere! *Has a bottle of la rose scent handy for this special occasion. Pops it open, drizzles a few drops on her wrists way more gently than anyone would think a beast like Armstrong could manage*
Jean: Now just rub zat into your wrists and neck, ma petit chulip!
Jean: Once la day.
Jean: Relaxing, non? And only ten dollars!
April: *April gets a little whiff and wrinkles her nose.* Umm, it's, like, totally powerful for sure!
Jean: *steps back to admire his work and writhes with joy, much like a little girl would* Perfectement! I 'ave been waiting for 'elp 'ere for so long! It is 'ard to run la restaurante alone!
Jean: Mais, you are not ready for la kitchen yet, ma petite chulip. You will be la waitress and sell l'aromatherapy oils, non?
Jean: Bring your friends!
Jean: I will cook up la special supreme on la menu special!
April: Ooohh! Yes-- I mean, oui!
Jean: *claps his hands together with a dramatic sigh. Does he intentionally flutter those large, sparkling eyes like that?* You 'ave brought me 'appiness again!
April: Tee hee! No problem! *bats eyelashes back*
April: *tries to remember everything she knows about French from the movies* So, Madam-- I mean, Monsieur, what about, like, my pay?
Jean: *giggles, thrusts his chest forward as if to show off his dainty girlish figure* Mademoiselle. I am la Mademoiselle, ma petite chulip! *Looks a good deal nervous at the mention of pay, starts anxiously plucking at the petals of the rose he tucked into his pocket.*
Jean: Oui, la pay--
Jean: Waitresses earn la tips, non?
April: Like, I thought you were a man--
April: And, uh, yeah, I guess?
Jean: *sly, flirty look. flutters eyelashes, moves in closer as if he's telling a secret* You are la pretty femme. Naturellement, pretty girls 'ave la talents to earn la tips grande.
Jean: *girlish giggle* Zat iz 'ow I do it!
Jean: And wiz l'aromatherapy oils, you are unstoppable. *delicately places the rose stem between his teeth, smiling*
April: Oooh! I see what you mean! *Giggles, winks, and does the signature boob jiggle* Like this?
Jean: Oui, zat is exceptionnel!!! *imitates, using his infamous Armstrong wiggle. Calms, clasps his hands with a motherly little smile* Alors, you stay up in ze front and wait for la customers.
Jean: I will run ze kitchen.
April: Tee hee! Okay!
Jean: Excellent! Do not be afraid to see me if you 'ave any questions, oui?
Jean: Bon chance!
April: Oui, oui, Madamoiselle!
April: *winks*
Jean: *frolics back into the kitchen, slowing to a normal walk as he reaches the doors. Murmurs under his breath as he disappears behind the large stainless steel doors* Merci, mon dieu! Per'aps she will bring me la money for zat girl. I z'ink I need just a little more time, oui...
Jean: *The ballet music starts up again moments later*