the all whisper... the things you wanna hear
i was thinking today about friends.. the ones that stay with you.. the ones that go away... how friendships are often found in the most unusual circumstances, and how some disipate with the most unexpected actions...
i was lucky enough in high school to not go through much of the drama that comes from high school friendships... i had four best friends whom i could rely on for everything; vicki, callie, shayne, and andrew... and on top of them, i had many many teammates who acted as my sisters and i knew i had that support stystem too.. however, i watched as my little sister went through so many things pertaining to friends who would stab her in the back... and i'd think to myself how lucky i was to have friends who were true who wouldn't do things such as that...
my sister is a built in best friend... that one that God put in my life that i can't get away from no matter what! the one who loves me through thick and thin, and who watches me to know what NOT to do...
then, at an age when things aren't supposed to be so cut throat, when i'm not supposed to have to watch my back... that's when i started going through what my sister went through... certain friends had alterior motives for certain situations, or certain friends got upset when i made choices that didn't agree with what they thought i should be doing... and thats where i learned that friendships aren't always what you believe that they are... and to just not let those people in any longer is not a crime... they hurt you first, so in order to keep the dagger out, and let the wound heal, you must no longer spend time with them..
occasionally time heals wounds and things can be talked through, misunderstandings and miscommunication.. but sometimes, it's all in black and white.. which teaches me several things... one, is that i'm a very trusting person, most of the time too trusting...i believe in the goodness of people and try to see it... i focus on that, and forget that sometimes with the good comes the bad... and two, that just because friendships don't work out doesn't really mean anything... just like any other relationship in our lives you move on, you learn and you just know that people aren't always what they seem...
this summer i feel like i've made some true friends... friends that i can add to the list off long lasting friends whom i still love and trust with everything... and those friends from high school, they are all still a big part of my life, along with evan who's like a brother to me, and josh who's been there for me through so much... each story of how the friendship was formed is different and most unusual with me, but that doesn't matter.. what does is the friendship... so.. although, sometimes i feel like i don't have many friends in my day to day life, i do know that i have many friends in my life who will always be there, always lend an ear, and always just give me support... i am thankful for you guys...
so to those without daggers... much love and thanks!