(no subject)
Oh I am so Homesick today. My daddy sent me pictures of a camping trip
that he went on with a lot of my family and I sat and cried wishing I
could have been there, That has always been one of my biggest regrets,
not being with my family more. I have missed so much already b/c of
work, school, moving, etc. I want to be with them more than anything
and it just kills me that I am this far away. My mom called earlier and
I had to make the conversation as quick as possible so i wouldn't cry
while she was on the phone. The last thing I want to do is make her
feel bad for me. I HATE the fact that I am not going to be home for
thanksgiving and christmas. I absolutely hate being here sometimes. I
love Nick, and I would and did move half way around the world for him.
But it is times like this, when all I want to do is go home, that I
resent him a little. I mean I know it is not his fault, and so I am
really glad he is asleep right now. The last thing I want to do is lash
out at him for something that is not his fault. I just want to go home,
A few days ago my friend Michelle lost her grandmother, and I couldn't
be there for her, that broke my heart. When my cousins Kacie and
Britney call and tell me they are going out to Cowboy and they wish I
was there, I want to get on a plane. When I talk to my mom and I can't
really listen to what she is saying b/c I am fighting back tears...that
is when I hate it here the most. Alot of people think I am nuts for
wanting to go home, but I would take Arkansas and all the people I miss
so much over Hawaii anyday of the week. Sorry to bring ya'll down a
little bit, but I had to get that out of my system.