(no subject)
this week has been good and bad. inside of me its bad ive been sad a lot.
i wonder if its all worth it. and how much things really mean to me. its becoming hard to make the distinction between what i want. or if i dont.
i wish i was stronger
i wish i could be more sure of things, more sure of myself
i want to live for myself
i get so afraid of things, like school drugs my family my freinds
i want it all the work out
i want to graduate go to college and all that
i want to feel good and have fun but i dont want to become aa glass of orange juice thats afraid to spill
i want my sister to treat me like a regular person and if she treats me like she treats everyone else than i wish she would be more understanding and be open minded and i didnt walk on broken glass everyday with her
i wish my dad knew me better and i could tell him things and i wasnt so afriad of what he thinks even tho i know that he loves me no matter what for some reason im not strong enough to tell him that i got an f in math but the sad part is that im the one that seems to keep him out of my life he tries and i dont know wut to say i dont know how to really talk to him
im afraid of time and how it seems to disappear there is never enough. either that or there is always something to do in the back of my mind. sometimes i wish i could stop the world for a while so that i could just have nothing in the back of my mind and just relax. so often i feel like i cant do that. its like im wasting time when i could be doing this or that. but i waste time anyway. even tho i know its so precious to me, it just happens
all in all i guess i was just was slammed with reminders of things i didnt want to be reminded of and it makes me think of everything else, where u explore the deep crevaces of ur mind that i dont visit that often and it scares me
i wonder if its all worth it. and how much things really mean to me. its becoming hard to make the distinction between what i want. or if i dont.
i wish i was stronger
i wish i could be more sure of things, more sure of myself
i want to live for myself
i get so afraid of things, like school drugs my family my freinds
i want it all the work out
i want to graduate go to college and all that
i want to feel good and have fun but i dont want to become aa glass of orange juice thats afraid to spill
i want my sister to treat me like a regular person and if she treats me like she treats everyone else than i wish she would be more understanding and be open minded and i didnt walk on broken glass everyday with her
i wish my dad knew me better and i could tell him things and i wasnt so afriad of what he thinks even tho i know that he loves me no matter what for some reason im not strong enough to tell him that i got an f in math but the sad part is that im the one that seems to keep him out of my life he tries and i dont know wut to say i dont know how to really talk to him
im afraid of time and how it seems to disappear there is never enough. either that or there is always something to do in the back of my mind. sometimes i wish i could stop the world for a while so that i could just have nothing in the back of my mind and just relax. so often i feel like i cant do that. its like im wasting time when i could be doing this or that. but i waste time anyway. even tho i know its so precious to me, it just happens
all in all i guess i was just was slammed with reminders of things i didnt want to be reminded of and it makes me think of everything else, where u explore the deep crevaces of ur mind that i dont visit that often and it scares me