real
i dont know what you want from me
you seem to think that my anger can be fixed with an empty apology on myspace or confession to one of my friends.
but if you feel this way
if you truly are sorry, then tell me, talk to me, something. dont be a pussy
and im not making it easier for you. you never gave me that luxury once in my life.
you would go out of your way just to make it HARDER for me.
and i can recall you recently telling me, after we had one of our many fights, that i had changed.
yes, i have changed.
i used to give in to you. i would give up. i knew it wouldnt be worth it. that i would never win. some would call what i did "being the bigger person" "taking the high road"
no. not anymore
im tired to being the pure one the innocent one the humble one, the one that takes all of your bullshit and disasters that you ignorantly create for me
im fighting fire with fire
because i dont care anymore
you have made me so calloused to considering your feelings that i dont think we can ever have a functioning relationship. because you never change. you only become more so. you are so typical. so text book.
and you embody the qualities that you say you hate. you push away teh people that love you the most.
and your temper. your temper is the biggest facillitator in our decayed relationship. how could you let this happen. how could you let it continue
how could you
i can see the fear in your eyes and hear it in your voice when im ruthless towards you, when i say it out of spite. when i tell you i dont care. it scares you. becuase its not me, and you know it. youve never seen it from me before. no one has because its true it is not me. not me at all. i have to force it. like forcing alcohol out of my stomach when im shitfaced. i hate it i dont want it in me. but i can act. just like you. hell i probably learned it FROM you.
when we were younger i thought you were smarter than me and yes you were for a time. i couldnt understand the complexities of human nature then, but now i do. more than you. because i look at myself in the mirror and see myself my flaws more than my beauties. i critique myself because most of the time i dont like who i am. and i want to change.
but you dont ever look at yourself. you avoid it. you run away from yourself. you hide your ugly face behind your MAC Cosmetics Mask.
its funny because you still surprise me. i never believed you had a heart. or a conscience. or conviction.
when you are straight with me, one those rare occasions that are most likely induced by weed or alcohol, i hear a small scared little girl, trying to get out of your big tough life. and i feel for you, i know your scared and so am i, but you have to grow up. im not being the big sister anymore. im not doing if for you.
maybe one day youll see. maybe one day youll ask me for help.
and when you do. when you willingly and humbly put yourself before me, expose yourself to me.
then of course i will help you.
dont you see? thats all i want. no bullshit no pussy no drugs
real
you seem to think that my anger can be fixed with an empty apology on myspace or confession to one of my friends.
but if you feel this way
if you truly are sorry, then tell me, talk to me, something. dont be a pussy
and im not making it easier for you. you never gave me that luxury once in my life.
you would go out of your way just to make it HARDER for me.
and i can recall you recently telling me, after we had one of our many fights, that i had changed.
yes, i have changed.
i used to give in to you. i would give up. i knew it wouldnt be worth it. that i would never win. some would call what i did "being the bigger person" "taking the high road"
no. not anymore
im tired to being the pure one the innocent one the humble one, the one that takes all of your bullshit and disasters that you ignorantly create for me
im fighting fire with fire
because i dont care anymore
you have made me so calloused to considering your feelings that i dont think we can ever have a functioning relationship. because you never change. you only become more so. you are so typical. so text book.
and you embody the qualities that you say you hate. you push away teh people that love you the most.
and your temper. your temper is the biggest facillitator in our decayed relationship. how could you let this happen. how could you let it continue
how could you
i can see the fear in your eyes and hear it in your voice when im ruthless towards you, when i say it out of spite. when i tell you i dont care. it scares you. becuase its not me, and you know it. youve never seen it from me before. no one has because its true it is not me. not me at all. i have to force it. like forcing alcohol out of my stomach when im shitfaced. i hate it i dont want it in me. but i can act. just like you. hell i probably learned it FROM you.
when we were younger i thought you were smarter than me and yes you were for a time. i couldnt understand the complexities of human nature then, but now i do. more than you. because i look at myself in the mirror and see myself my flaws more than my beauties. i critique myself because most of the time i dont like who i am. and i want to change.
but you dont ever look at yourself. you avoid it. you run away from yourself. you hide your ugly face behind your MAC Cosmetics Mask.
its funny because you still surprise me. i never believed you had a heart. or a conscience. or conviction.
when you are straight with me, one those rare occasions that are most likely induced by weed or alcohol, i hear a small scared little girl, trying to get out of your big tough life. and i feel for you, i know your scared and so am i, but you have to grow up. im not being the big sister anymore. im not doing if for you.
maybe one day youll see. maybe one day youll ask me for help.
and when you do. when you willingly and humbly put yourself before me, expose yourself to me.
then of course i will help you.
dont you see? thats all i want. no bullshit no pussy no drugs
real