Goodbye Bruce, Hello Bill.
Hello all,
Yes I know it has been 6 weeks. Yes I am a very bad procrastinator but here I am again for anyone who still reads my drivel.
I went back to work today, after a one week break for Easter. It wasn’t so bad but then the kids don’t start back until tomorrow, hehe. EXCEPT…. Yes, the dread yearly CPR and first aid certificate renewal. For those who missed my last post on this subject here it is:-
April 4th 2005.
I suppose I should start this story with a quick Australian slang lesson. To pash someone is to kiss them passionately or in isketch terms snog them, snogging = pashing. And when you have been pashing someone for a very long time, girls particularly develop a pale pink rash around their mouths from all the saliva and generally a guys stubble, affectionately called PASH RASH. Right, so on with the story.
I have pash rash, but I didn’t get it the usual enjoyable way. Oh no I was not having that much fun at all!! You see every year we have to be reassessed in senior first aid and CPR. So I spent the whole afternoon trying to breathe life into a plastic man with no arms or legs or well….. interesting bits *wink * They must use some new chemical on the dummies mouth pieces because wow were his kisses hot!!! And not in the good way if you know what I mean. My lips are swollen, I have pash rash and my arms are sore from pressing his chest so many times I thought one of us was gonna break. But in the end I grew attached to him and called him Bruce. I mean if I was gonna kiss a man, even a dummy and god knows I have kissed a few dumb men in my time, then I thought we should be on first name basis. It also sounds much better saying I got my pash rash from kissing Bruce rather than kissing some plastic dummy guy right? Suffice to say I failed to bring him to life but then neither did anyone else in my group and we all left the school this afternoon with pash rash….. I am sure people were wondering what goes on at our school when the kids are not there.
While my pash rash this year is not quite as bad as previous years, and my dummy of the day, Bill, was quite charming the way he lay there and let me slobber on him, I so hate doing this certificate. We all cheat on the test and well its just plain boring or icky if you are brave enough to look at the instructors gory photos. Well kids, you know what its like when you have to do something boring right? Yep you improvise. So I amused myself by translating the notes into picture form in my doodle book I had brought up to the lecture. Always be pared *wink* The instructor said something obscure about a funny bone only boys have in their chest that sounded very much like zaphoid bettlebruxx which started me on to Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and the number 42 and that in turn to the twilight zone and suddenly I looked down and there were purple cows drawn on my page. Now many of you will just nod and say well nothing really surprises us anymore about how Aprils brain works but it surprised me a little and decided to share this with BossBarbie who happened to be sitting way over the other side of the room. How better to get it to her than make it into a paper plane and just shoot it over. I can see you all nodding thinking that this is a stupendous idea. The looks I got from those seated around me as I built my little jet fighter were less than pleased. I had a mission though and as soon as the instructors back was turned I stood to take aim and from mid way across the room I hear the teacher incharge of the RPC (naughty room) shout “MISS SCREWIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I drop the plan and sit down innocently raising and hands and shrugging in protest. Man, there is always a dobber in every crowd. Anyway by the end of the day I have flown two little jet fighters across the room and had BossBarbie giggling and drawing attention away from me to her Mwahahahahaha.
The 2nd highlight of the day was as usual Miss Brainless gosh a just love her. She is so sweet and so silly. During lunch I sat and giggled as she tried to eat a grape sandwich. No not grape jam or jelly, real grapes. Sweet little round green grapes on a slice of white bread with no butter or margarine. The problem was when she picked it up to bite it the grapes would roll off the bread and she would take a bite and gather them up and replace them and try to bite again. I almost chocked eating my own lunch while watching her struggle with this. Some people are just put here to make the rest of us smile.
Hope you all had a good day too