[One-shot] - Anata no koe wa watashi ga aishiteru
Title: Anata no koe wa watashi ga aishiteru (Your voice that I love)
Pairing: Ryoda
Genre: Angst, one-shot
Rating: PG-13 for curse
Summary: The voice that I love…how I longed to hear it again.
Warning: I’d say its rather despressing.
*******************************
“Where the hell did he go?!” Ryo grunted. He pushed open the cafeteria door forcefully but it was empty. That was to be expected since school was already over some time ago. The students were either having clubs activities or already went home. He walked past kendo clubroom; not there, the swimming pool; obviously not going to be there, the science clubroom; no matter how mysterious the man was, he’s not a nerd. The main point is; he was supposed to be at the student council meeting room! Several students were appointed as school festival committee members including Ryo and the man he’s about to find and get some piece of his mind. For some reason, their head thought they shared a lovely close relationship that he was ordered to go and find him. Just because Ryo loves giving him some attention…as if.
“The stupid fairy boy is going to have a hard time when I found him!” Ryo cursed. He was about to pass by the garden when he stopped. Right under the shady tree sitting on one of the stone chair was the guy Ryo has been looking for. He was sitting facing the pool, holding a cell phone at his ear. Furiously Ryo rushed to the stone chair without thinking.
“Hey Ueda! What are you thinking being absent from the meeting huh?!” Ryo yelled from behind. He stopped only when he stood facing him. Ueda who was startled from Ryo’s yelling quickly closed his phone and glared at Ryo.
“None of your business. Go away,” he growled and stood up to go away. Feeling so angry at Ueda response, Ryo grabbed his shoulder forcing Ueda to look at him.
“Its my business when I have wasted my time searching for you like a fool!” Ryo shouted again. He eyed the phone at Ueda’s hand before harshly letting him go.
“If you have time to call your girlfriend; that if you actually have one, use the time to do something meaningful. Like attending a meeting!”
Ryo looked at him and realized that the other has been crying…again. His eyes were red and swollen and there’s an obvious traces of tears on his pink cheek. Ueda took a deep breath. He tried so hard to prevent his tears from falling again; not in front of this person.
“Can you…can you tell them I can’t attend the meeting today?” Ueda asked. In his hand, he held his phone tightly. But Ryo was too furious to be considerate.
“What? I really can’t believe you,” Ryo said disbelievingly.
“I’m really sorry,” Ueda apologized and walked away. Ryo watched his back as he walked away. Yes, he so can’t understand him sometimes. To be frank he can’t understand him most of the time. Ryo loves to tease him because the guy was just so hard to read. But it always ended with he himself giving it up because Ueda rarely said anything back. If not, Ueda will give him the sad look which he can’t ignore. It only makes him more irritated.
“Fine, then run away! Isn’t that what you do best? Running away from everything?!” Ryo yelled at him. Ueda stopped for a while before walking again.
“Ueda!” Ryo called.
“Hey?!” Ryo ran after Ueda when he was ignored. He grabbed Ueda’s arm that was holding his phone. It was too sudden that Ueda accidentally let it go and it fell into the pool. Ryo instantly let go of Ueda’s arm in shock.
“No…NO!” Ueda cried. He jumped into the pool without thinking. Ryo didn’t know of what to do at the moment. He only watched Ueda futile attempt to save his phone. When Ueda appeared back on the surface holding his phone, water has already entered the gadget and broken it down.
Ueda stood in the middle of the pool, soaked to the skin. He cried as he tried to switch on the phone.
“No, this can’t be happening,” he sobbed as he shook the phone profusely.
“Ueda, get out from there. I’m sorry,” Ryo said, feeling so guilty.
“Its broken…its broken,” Ueda kept on repeating between his cries. Ryo took off his shirt and dive into the pool to get to Ueda. When he was close enough with him, he tried to make him get out from the pool but failed. Ueda refused to move.
“Ueda, you will catch cold like this!” Ryo tensed. He was already trembling from the water which was nearly the same level as their chest.
“You broke my phone, do you realize what have you done?!” Ueda raised his voice. Ryo was getting impatient with Ueda he just wanted to leave him freezing to death.
“It’s just some stupid old phone; I will buy you a new one if you can’t afford it,” Ryo said nonchalantly. Ueda turned to look at him as the words escape his mouth. His face was red from the waters and tears. Sadness and anger was shown clearly in his emotion.
Holding the phone close to his chest he spoke, “This phone is very important to me more than my life. You will never understand.”
They remained in the middle of the pool, both looking at each other, no words exchanged between them. After a while, Ueda swim to the end of the pool and climb out. Ryo only watched as Ueda get out from the pool. Ueda left the phone on the ground and stood up.
“It’s no use. Maybe it’s time for me to forget,” Ueda said slowly and walked away. When Ueda has disappeared out of sight, Ryo climbed out from the pool. He bended down to reach for his shirt and saw the phone Ueda left there. It was really just an old phone. No one use that model anymore. But what he said at the end bothered Ryo so much. He picked the phone up along with his shirt.
“What did he mean by forgetting?” he asked himself.
* * *
A few days later Ryo entered a shop owned by his friend, Miura. Miura smiled widely at him once he saw him entering. He was an expert in tools, he can mend anything, just name it.
“Yo Miura, how’s the phone?” Ryo asked. Miura’s smile turned to a pout when he heard him. He turned to the rack behind him and searched through the boxes lined on it.
“It was very hard to mend it! Not to mention it was a very old model. So hard to find the parts!” Miura babbled loudly.
“I know you can do it, cause you are my genius friend,” Ryo said grinning. Miura smirked. He found the phone and placed it in front of Ryo.
“I’m a genius, heh. Now you admit it!” he snorted. Ryo picked it up while laughing. “Yeah, yeah.”
“What use this old phone has anyway?” Miura asked which Ryo answered by shrugging.
“It belongs to my friend. Apparently it is very important to him,” Ryo said studying the phone. “Okay, thanks Miura. I’ll head back first.” Miura nodded.
“See ya.” Ryo smirked again before bidding him goodbye too.
Ryo was thinking of giving the phone back to Ueda soon after that. But his curiosity to know more win over him. Ueda was always crying when Ryo saw him holding his phone. He treasured his phone very much even though its old; anyone with eyes can see that. Since he transferred to this school months ago, Ryo never once see him smile. And Ryo remembered vaguely when he first tried to speak to Ueda. The guy was so surprised like he just saw a ghost and have been avoiding Ryo since then.
That night after dinner, Ryo looked through the phone once again in his room. He peered through the folder but there’s nothing much in it anyway. While looking through the inbox which was completely empty, he came across a voice message. He was hesitating for a while before pushing the play button. Slowly he put the phone next to his ear.
“You have 1 new voice message…beep…” Ryo didn’t know why his heart thumped nervously in his chest.
“…..” There was a long pause. Ryo began to think there might be nothing.
“Tatsuya…” And Ryo felt his heart might have stopped beating. There’s no doubt, the voice in the phone, sounded exactly the same as his voice. Ryo had to pause the voice message. ‘What was happening? Who is he?’ he thought. With trembling hand, he listened to it again.
“I might have already gone when you listen to this. But I want you to know…I love you, Tatsuya. You are the only one in my heart. I love you so much, so please continue living even after I’m gone. Do it for me…okay?”
“Promise me, love..…beep…the end of voice message.”
Slowly, Ryo put down the phone. He was shocked to hear his own voice. He was even more shocked to know the whole story. Tears formed in his eyes unconsciously. He felt so guilty of what has he done, of all he had said to Ueda.
“I’m really sorry,” he whimpered. “I’m really sorry, Ueda. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
* * *
“Where’s Ueda? Did any of you saw Ueda?” Ryo asked a group of his classmates the next morning. The boys just shook their head. Next he asked the girls but still get the same answer. Ryo returned to his seat thinking that Ueda might be running late. Before this even though he didn’t looked fine, Ueda still came to school. Thus, hoping he was just late, Ryo keen on waiting for him. he keep on looking at Ueda’s sit hoping very hard the man will suddenly pop there. Despite of that, Ueda still didn’t show up until break time. Ryo took out the phone from his beg. Looking at it he knew he can’t wait anymore. Without further ado, he grabbed his back pack and rushed out from the class.“Hey Ryo, where are you going?!” one of his classmates shouted after him. But nothing reach Ryo’s ear anymore as he kept on running.
After getting Ueda’s address from the office, Ryo walked as fast as he can towards the house. It was a normal apartment for a family with average salary. Feeling very nervous, Ryo knocked on the door. A woman who looked like Ueda opened the door on the third knock. She looked so surprised to see Ryo.
“Tatsuya’s friend?” she asked, offering him a smile.
“Ah, yes. He didn’t come to the school so I thought of paying him a visit,” Ryo said cautiously.
“In the middle of school hour?” she teased. Ryo just realized his mistake but she quickly laughed it off.
“Don’t worry, my little brother never has friend coming over. So happy to see you, I’m his sister,” she introduced herself, extending a hand. Ryo shake her hand feeling relieved.
“Me too, Ueda-san. Err…”
“Tatsuya locked himself in his room since last night, refused to eat anything. Go on, make yourself at home. I need to go to work,” she said ushering Ryo inside at the same time.
“Ah, and thank you for coming. Really. I never expect any friend to actually come and visit him. You are really in my good book,” she said the last sentence playfully before off to work. Ryo saw her off and closed the door.
There’s no one in the apartment when Ryo walked further in. Unfortunately, he forgot to ask where Ueda’s room was. And fortunately there was only one locked door when he looked around the 3LDK apartment. Ryo paused for a while, gathered his courage and knocked on the closed door.
“Neechan?” Ueda voice was heard from inside. Ryo didn’t know what to answer.
“You still didn’t go to work yet?” Ueda's voice was heard again followed by footsteps walking toward the door. Ryo embraced himself to face him as soon the door opened.
“Neech-” Ueda stopped when he saw who was standing in front of his door. “Nishikido…”
Ryo was stunned when he saw Ueda for the first time in his normal cloth. He looked, well, normal. If not a bit cute, with his hair disheveled and his face bloated. When Ryo finally stepped back to earth he shoved a phone at Ueda.
“Your p-phone, I have fixed it,” Ryo said embarrassingly. Ueda just stared at Ryo, unblinking. He didn’t make any move to take the phone.
“Take it,” Ryo said again, this time with more force. That’s when Ueda got over the shock of seeing Nishikido Ryo in front of his door, in his apartment, with his fixed handphone. It’s so fucking unbelievable.
“I don’t need it anymore,” he said honestly.
“Eh?”
“And I might skip school for a while. I really appreciate it you coming here. It was unexpected…and the phone too,” Ueda continued.
“Please don’t. I know it’s my fault. I apologized, Ueda. Please come back to school,” Ryo begged.
“Why you think it’s your fault? If its about the phone, it doesn’t matter anymore,” Ueda looked at him straight in the eyes.
“I have listened to it, the voice message...I’m sorry,” Ryo said, looking down all the time. He can’t meet Ueda’s eyes when he said it.
“So you knew…” Ueda said under his breath. A sly smile suddenly appeared on his face.
“You must feel disgusted right. Why did you come here actually? To mock me?!” Ueda said harshly. There was a hint of sadness in his voice. He ignored the phone from Ryo’s hand and walked into the room.
“No, I don’t have a slightest intention to do that!” Ryo said defensively. He took a few steps inside the room. He wanted him to know very badly that he didn’t have any bad purpose. For whatever reason, he just didn’t want Ueda to feel sad again.
“You know what? Every time I hear your voice, I wanted so badly to listen to his voice again. You think it’s wonderful to be listening to you every day, knowing that all you had for me is hatred? He used to say ‘I love you’ to me with the same voice. It’s pathetic, I know! I’m pathetic and now I can’t do it any longer. I don’t think I can stand listening to you anymore when your voice is exactly the same as him,” Ueda said, eyes brimming with tears.
“Ueda…I-” but Ueda shut his ears with his hands tightly. “Just go away, please. I don’t want to hear your voice. Go away,” he pleaded.
“Ueda, please,” Ryo begged again. Ueda didn’t move his hand or even look at Ryo.
“I’m really sorry for what I’ve done to you,” Ryo said. He dropped the phone to the nearest table; turned around and walked away out from the room.
What you felt towards me is not love, what I feel towards you is not love either. So, how do I keep the pain away from you; when the only bond that tied us was my voice that you love?
OWARI
Pairing: Ryoda
Genre: Angst, one-shot
Rating: PG-13 for curse
Summary: The voice that I love…how I longed to hear it again.
Warning: I’d say its rather despressing.
*******************************
“Where the hell did he go?!” Ryo grunted. He pushed open the cafeteria door forcefully but it was empty. That was to be expected since school was already over some time ago. The students were either having clubs activities or already went home. He walked past kendo clubroom; not there, the swimming pool; obviously not going to be there, the science clubroom; no matter how mysterious the man was, he’s not a nerd. The main point is; he was supposed to be at the student council meeting room! Several students were appointed as school festival committee members including Ryo and the man he’s about to find and get some piece of his mind. For some reason, their head thought they shared a lovely close relationship that he was ordered to go and find him. Just because Ryo loves giving him some attention…as if.
“The stupid fairy boy is going to have a hard time when I found him!” Ryo cursed. He was about to pass by the garden when he stopped. Right under the shady tree sitting on one of the stone chair was the guy Ryo has been looking for. He was sitting facing the pool, holding a cell phone at his ear. Furiously Ryo rushed to the stone chair without thinking.
“Hey Ueda! What are you thinking being absent from the meeting huh?!” Ryo yelled from behind. He stopped only when he stood facing him. Ueda who was startled from Ryo’s yelling quickly closed his phone and glared at Ryo.
“None of your business. Go away,” he growled and stood up to go away. Feeling so angry at Ueda response, Ryo grabbed his shoulder forcing Ueda to look at him.
“Its my business when I have wasted my time searching for you like a fool!” Ryo shouted again. He eyed the phone at Ueda’s hand before harshly letting him go.
“If you have time to call your girlfriend; that if you actually have one, use the time to do something meaningful. Like attending a meeting!”
Ryo looked at him and realized that the other has been crying…again. His eyes were red and swollen and there’s an obvious traces of tears on his pink cheek. Ueda took a deep breath. He tried so hard to prevent his tears from falling again; not in front of this person.
“Can you…can you tell them I can’t attend the meeting today?” Ueda asked. In his hand, he held his phone tightly. But Ryo was too furious to be considerate.
“What? I really can’t believe you,” Ryo said disbelievingly.
“I’m really sorry,” Ueda apologized and walked away. Ryo watched his back as he walked away. Yes, he so can’t understand him sometimes. To be frank he can’t understand him most of the time. Ryo loves to tease him because the guy was just so hard to read. But it always ended with he himself giving it up because Ueda rarely said anything back. If not, Ueda will give him the sad look which he can’t ignore. It only makes him more irritated.
“Fine, then run away! Isn’t that what you do best? Running away from everything?!” Ryo yelled at him. Ueda stopped for a while before walking again.
“Ueda!” Ryo called.
“Hey?!” Ryo ran after Ueda when he was ignored. He grabbed Ueda’s arm that was holding his phone. It was too sudden that Ueda accidentally let it go and it fell into the pool. Ryo instantly let go of Ueda’s arm in shock.
“No…NO!” Ueda cried. He jumped into the pool without thinking. Ryo didn’t know of what to do at the moment. He only watched Ueda futile attempt to save his phone. When Ueda appeared back on the surface holding his phone, water has already entered the gadget and broken it down.
Ueda stood in the middle of the pool, soaked to the skin. He cried as he tried to switch on the phone.
“No, this can’t be happening,” he sobbed as he shook the phone profusely.
“Ueda, get out from there. I’m sorry,” Ryo said, feeling so guilty.
“Its broken…its broken,” Ueda kept on repeating between his cries. Ryo took off his shirt and dive into the pool to get to Ueda. When he was close enough with him, he tried to make him get out from the pool but failed. Ueda refused to move.
“Ueda, you will catch cold like this!” Ryo tensed. He was already trembling from the water which was nearly the same level as their chest.
“You broke my phone, do you realize what have you done?!” Ueda raised his voice. Ryo was getting impatient with Ueda he just wanted to leave him freezing to death.
“It’s just some stupid old phone; I will buy you a new one if you can’t afford it,” Ryo said nonchalantly. Ueda turned to look at him as the words escape his mouth. His face was red from the waters and tears. Sadness and anger was shown clearly in his emotion.
Holding the phone close to his chest he spoke, “This phone is very important to me more than my life. You will never understand.”
They remained in the middle of the pool, both looking at each other, no words exchanged between them. After a while, Ueda swim to the end of the pool and climb out. Ryo only watched as Ueda get out from the pool. Ueda left the phone on the ground and stood up.
“It’s no use. Maybe it’s time for me to forget,” Ueda said slowly and walked away. When Ueda has disappeared out of sight, Ryo climbed out from the pool. He bended down to reach for his shirt and saw the phone Ueda left there. It was really just an old phone. No one use that model anymore. But what he said at the end bothered Ryo so much. He picked the phone up along with his shirt.
“What did he mean by forgetting?” he asked himself.
* * *
A few days later Ryo entered a shop owned by his friend, Miura. Miura smiled widely at him once he saw him entering. He was an expert in tools, he can mend anything, just name it.
“Yo Miura, how’s the phone?” Ryo asked. Miura’s smile turned to a pout when he heard him. He turned to the rack behind him and searched through the boxes lined on it.
“It was very hard to mend it! Not to mention it was a very old model. So hard to find the parts!” Miura babbled loudly.
“I know you can do it, cause you are my genius friend,” Ryo said grinning. Miura smirked. He found the phone and placed it in front of Ryo.
“I’m a genius, heh. Now you admit it!” he snorted. Ryo picked it up while laughing. “Yeah, yeah.”
“What use this old phone has anyway?” Miura asked which Ryo answered by shrugging.
“It belongs to my friend. Apparently it is very important to him,” Ryo said studying the phone. “Okay, thanks Miura. I’ll head back first.” Miura nodded.
“See ya.” Ryo smirked again before bidding him goodbye too.
Ryo was thinking of giving the phone back to Ueda soon after that. But his curiosity to know more win over him. Ueda was always crying when Ryo saw him holding his phone. He treasured his phone very much even though its old; anyone with eyes can see that. Since he transferred to this school months ago, Ryo never once see him smile. And Ryo remembered vaguely when he first tried to speak to Ueda. The guy was so surprised like he just saw a ghost and have been avoiding Ryo since then.
That night after dinner, Ryo looked through the phone once again in his room. He peered through the folder but there’s nothing much in it anyway. While looking through the inbox which was completely empty, he came across a voice message. He was hesitating for a while before pushing the play button. Slowly he put the phone next to his ear.
“You have 1 new voice message…beep…” Ryo didn’t know why his heart thumped nervously in his chest.
“…..” There was a long pause. Ryo began to think there might be nothing.
“Tatsuya…” And Ryo felt his heart might have stopped beating. There’s no doubt, the voice in the phone, sounded exactly the same as his voice. Ryo had to pause the voice message. ‘What was happening? Who is he?’ he thought. With trembling hand, he listened to it again.
“I might have already gone when you listen to this. But I want you to know…I love you, Tatsuya. You are the only one in my heart. I love you so much, so please continue living even after I’m gone. Do it for me…okay?”
“Promise me, love..…beep…the end of voice message.”
Slowly, Ryo put down the phone. He was shocked to hear his own voice. He was even more shocked to know the whole story. Tears formed in his eyes unconsciously. He felt so guilty of what has he done, of all he had said to Ueda.
“I’m really sorry,” he whimpered. “I’m really sorry, Ueda. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
* * *
“Where’s Ueda? Did any of you saw Ueda?” Ryo asked a group of his classmates the next morning. The boys just shook their head. Next he asked the girls but still get the same answer. Ryo returned to his seat thinking that Ueda might be running late. Before this even though he didn’t looked fine, Ueda still came to school. Thus, hoping he was just late, Ryo keen on waiting for him. he keep on looking at Ueda’s sit hoping very hard the man will suddenly pop there. Despite of that, Ueda still didn’t show up until break time. Ryo took out the phone from his beg. Looking at it he knew he can’t wait anymore. Without further ado, he grabbed his back pack and rushed out from the class.“Hey Ryo, where are you going?!” one of his classmates shouted after him. But nothing reach Ryo’s ear anymore as he kept on running.
After getting Ueda’s address from the office, Ryo walked as fast as he can towards the house. It was a normal apartment for a family with average salary. Feeling very nervous, Ryo knocked on the door. A woman who looked like Ueda opened the door on the third knock. She looked so surprised to see Ryo.
“Tatsuya’s friend?” she asked, offering him a smile.
“Ah, yes. He didn’t come to the school so I thought of paying him a visit,” Ryo said cautiously.
“In the middle of school hour?” she teased. Ryo just realized his mistake but she quickly laughed it off.
“Don’t worry, my little brother never has friend coming over. So happy to see you, I’m his sister,” she introduced herself, extending a hand. Ryo shake her hand feeling relieved.
“Me too, Ueda-san. Err…”
“Tatsuya locked himself in his room since last night, refused to eat anything. Go on, make yourself at home. I need to go to work,” she said ushering Ryo inside at the same time.
“Ah, and thank you for coming. Really. I never expect any friend to actually come and visit him. You are really in my good book,” she said the last sentence playfully before off to work. Ryo saw her off and closed the door.
There’s no one in the apartment when Ryo walked further in. Unfortunately, he forgot to ask where Ueda’s room was. And fortunately there was only one locked door when he looked around the 3LDK apartment. Ryo paused for a while, gathered his courage and knocked on the closed door.
“Neechan?” Ueda voice was heard from inside. Ryo didn’t know what to answer.
“You still didn’t go to work yet?” Ueda's voice was heard again followed by footsteps walking toward the door. Ryo embraced himself to face him as soon the door opened.
“Neech-” Ueda stopped when he saw who was standing in front of his door. “Nishikido…”
Ryo was stunned when he saw Ueda for the first time in his normal cloth. He looked, well, normal. If not a bit cute, with his hair disheveled and his face bloated. When Ryo finally stepped back to earth he shoved a phone at Ueda.
“Your p-phone, I have fixed it,” Ryo said embarrassingly. Ueda just stared at Ryo, unblinking. He didn’t make any move to take the phone.
“Take it,” Ryo said again, this time with more force. That’s when Ueda got over the shock of seeing Nishikido Ryo in front of his door, in his apartment, with his fixed handphone. It’s so fucking unbelievable.
“I don’t need it anymore,” he said honestly.
“Eh?”
“And I might skip school for a while. I really appreciate it you coming here. It was unexpected…and the phone too,” Ueda continued.
“Please don’t. I know it’s my fault. I apologized, Ueda. Please come back to school,” Ryo begged.
“Why you think it’s your fault? If its about the phone, it doesn’t matter anymore,” Ueda looked at him straight in the eyes.
“I have listened to it, the voice message...I’m sorry,” Ryo said, looking down all the time. He can’t meet Ueda’s eyes when he said it.
“So you knew…” Ueda said under his breath. A sly smile suddenly appeared on his face.
“You must feel disgusted right. Why did you come here actually? To mock me?!” Ueda said harshly. There was a hint of sadness in his voice. He ignored the phone from Ryo’s hand and walked into the room.
“No, I don’t have a slightest intention to do that!” Ryo said defensively. He took a few steps inside the room. He wanted him to know very badly that he didn’t have any bad purpose. For whatever reason, he just didn’t want Ueda to feel sad again.
“You know what? Every time I hear your voice, I wanted so badly to listen to his voice again. You think it’s wonderful to be listening to you every day, knowing that all you had for me is hatred? He used to say ‘I love you’ to me with the same voice. It’s pathetic, I know! I’m pathetic and now I can’t do it any longer. I don’t think I can stand listening to you anymore when your voice is exactly the same as him,” Ueda said, eyes brimming with tears.
“Ueda…I-” but Ueda shut his ears with his hands tightly. “Just go away, please. I don’t want to hear your voice. Go away,” he pleaded.
“Ueda, please,” Ryo begged again. Ueda didn’t move his hand or even look at Ryo.
“I’m really sorry for what I’ve done to you,” Ryo said. He dropped the phone to the nearest table; turned around and walked away out from the room.
What you felt towards me is not love, what I feel towards you is not love either. So, how do I keep the pain away from you; when the only bond that tied us was my voice that you love?
OWARI