Updates
I think I made a vague update a few weeks ago, but actually I've got time to write up a little bit of a proper update now; having been sick for the last fortnight and not really able to do much, I'm finally alive enough to think clearly enough to write a bit about how my life is going.
I already told godstuff and toto1982 about this, but actually I'm not sure I've even told them properly, because things have moved on since I sent that email. Anyway, I'm in a new relationship with a wonderful, funny, intelligent girl named Rachel.
She's studying for her PhD, so clearly she's smart. She's funny- she makes me laugh, just all the time... about stupid stuff, about serious stuff... there's just no pressure on me to be anything other than who I am: a bit of a geek, a bit silly, a shift worker... all the things I felt bad about being before are just part of who I am and that's good.
Martha said to me last year that when I met someone with whom relationship was easy, I'd realise how hard my last one was and how it isn't meant to be like that. You're not meant to be afraid that you'll say the wrong thing all the time, you're not meant to feel like shit if you're not well, or if you spend a little while on the phone to someone. I didn't believe her: I thought relationship was all about compromising the things you wanted in order to make the other person happy... but it seems that actually she was right: it's not about that- at all. It's about being yourself *with* someone else.
I don't know if Rach and I will go the distance. How could I know- we've been together for about a month officially, dating for a couple of months longer than that. We've only known each other at all less than a year. But what I know is that she's a kinder person than my ex. She's beautiful and funny and gentle and she doesn't put pressure on me to be someone else.
"I love you, now please change" is not the mantra of this relationship, and it's a very welcome difference :)
I already told godstuff and toto1982 about this, but actually I'm not sure I've even told them properly, because things have moved on since I sent that email. Anyway, I'm in a new relationship with a wonderful, funny, intelligent girl named Rachel.
She's studying for her PhD, so clearly she's smart. She's funny- she makes me laugh, just all the time... about stupid stuff, about serious stuff... there's just no pressure on me to be anything other than who I am: a bit of a geek, a bit silly, a shift worker... all the things I felt bad about being before are just part of who I am and that's good.
Martha said to me last year that when I met someone with whom relationship was easy, I'd realise how hard my last one was and how it isn't meant to be like that. You're not meant to be afraid that you'll say the wrong thing all the time, you're not meant to feel like shit if you're not well, or if you spend a little while on the phone to someone. I didn't believe her: I thought relationship was all about compromising the things you wanted in order to make the other person happy... but it seems that actually she was right: it's not about that- at all. It's about being yourself *with* someone else.
I don't know if Rach and I will go the distance. How could I know- we've been together for about a month officially, dating for a couple of months longer than that. We've only known each other at all less than a year. But what I know is that she's a kinder person than my ex. She's beautiful and funny and gentle and she doesn't put pressure on me to be someone else.
"I love you, now please change" is not the mantra of this relationship, and it's a very welcome difference :)