If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It - Chapter Five (Part 2)
Chapter Five, continued-
When Jared hesitantly climbed the steps to Jensen's front door the next day, the screen door hung open, the front door slightly ajar. A rush of panic nearly had him shoving his way into the house, but he knew it wouldn't do him any favors if Jensen was just one of those people who left his door open from time to time. So he knocked.
He felt a presence in the house - muted, but it was there. One thing he'd never been able to do was determine individuals from reading their emotions; feelings weren’t specific enough for him to make a personality call. The one coming towards the door registered curiosity, annoyance, and a little frustration.
Jared sucked in a deep breath, ran his hand through shaggy hair that desperately needed to be cut, and braced himself to come eye to eye with Jensen Ackles.
It threw him for a loop when the man who pulled open the door was nothing resembling Jensen. He was shorter than Jared, but a little bulkier. His square jaw and slightly heavy brow weren't displeasing to the eye, and Jared saw he had a dishtowel over his shoulder and a mug in one hand, clearly having been in the middle of drying it.
"Can I help you?"
"Uh. Yeah." Jared tried to assemble the pieces of his brain. Whatever he'd been expecting, it hadn't been a boyfriend, but it made perfect sense. Jensen was beautiful and smart and funny and probably was completely committed by now. But Jared still had to know what had driven him here. "I'm actually looking for Jensen Ackles."
The guy's eyebrows rose. "How do you know him?"
"We, uh, we went to school together." Lie better, he told himself. "I was traveling through town and thought I'd stop by and see him." He stuck out his hand. "Jared Padalecki."
“David Boreanez.”
“Good to meet you. Is Jensen home?”
David’s eyes flickered over Jared subtly, and Jared could tell that David didn’t trust him. “I’ve been working in my office all afternoon, so I’ll have to check to see if he’s home. Be right back.” He shut the door in Jared’s face, almost rudely.
Jared leaned up again the house’s siding, staring up at the afternoon sky. This was not going so well.
A minute passed before spike of Empathic shock snapped his eyes open, but the emotion had been so quick, Jared almost thought he imagined it. He reached out, trying to sense its source, and instead of coming back with one emotion inside the house, he got the faint image of two, barely. The first, clearly David's, still registered the same curiosity and annoyance as before, but this other, dimmer emotion was so jumbled Jared could hardly make heads or tails of it.
The front door swung open almost like it had been thrown, and the accompanying, outward-swinging screen door came open so quickly it smacked into Jared’s side and came bouncing back toward the house, eliciting an “ouch!” from a familiar-sounding voice. Jared stepped back into the entryway and saw Jensen there, cradling one hand where the door had clearly banged his knuckles.
“Jared!” Jensen’s voice was surprised, as if he hadn’t been expecting him, despite David’s apparent introduction. Jensen’s hand dropped forgotten to his side as his eyes widened and he obviously examined Jared from head to foot. “You’re here.”
“Uh, yeah.” Jared felt a nervous smile flutter cross his face and he couldn’t stop from sticking his hands in his pockets, ignoring the throbbing pain where the door had attacked his arm. A shy smile also crossed Jensen’s face, and it struck Jared how much he missed this man.
Jensen had clearly only gotten better with age, like a fine wine or a fine brandy or fine something, because damn - he was still fine. The piercing green eyes were still as bright as Jared remembered, framed by crow’s feet that showed that Jensen still laughed, and it was seeing that feature that had something deep inside Jared relax just the tiniest bit.
Jensen was still in shape. He wore a simple grey tee shirt and long blue jeans, but his feet were bare. Jared remembered those arms around him and the tender way they’d held him.
“You look good,” he heard himself say to fill the void that had opened up between them. It brought the small smile back to Jensen’s face.
“Yeah, you too.” Jensen tried to collect himself as he straightened up and said, “What are you doing here?” He felt a clear emotion of curiosity and Jared was almost overwhelmed knowing that he sensed this.
“I - I found out that you were living here and I had to come. Just, with everything - you know, um, I thought you were in trouble?” Jared and coherency were not relating, and the confused look on Jensen’s face told Jared he needed to try harder. “Well, see, you have this neighbor-“
“Is everything going ok?” David stepped into view next to Jensen, hand clapping possessively down onto Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen seemed unaware of the protective stance David had taken, but to Jared, the waves of hostility emanating from David were quite clear. The other man didn’t want him here.
“Fine,” Jared cut in before Jensen could speak. He wanted - needed - Jensen to hear him out, even if he was with this rather unfriendly petri dish specimen. Be nice, he told himself, but Jared hadn’t always been that good at listening to directions.
“You sure? Jen?” David cocked his head down to catch Jensen’s gaze.
“Sure, fine.” Jensen’s voice was hesitant, completely different from the moment before. Jared wondered what had just changed. Jensen’s emotions had once again become subdued and quiet, causing Jared to lose track of him again. “Just catching up.”
“I see.” David stepped forward, putting himself between Jensen and Jared. “We were working on some stuff, Jensen, so maybe now wouldn’t be the best time?”
Jared blinked, realizing that not only was David suggesting that visitation time was over, but there was also the unspoken assertion that Jared probably shouldn’t come back, and there was no way that suggestion was going over well.
“Hey, I’d really like to speak a few moments longer, if that’s possible. Maybe go for a coffee. Being that it’s been a while and all.” Jared wished he was up that next step into the house’s foyer because it would put him taller than David, who wasn’t earning any points with his behavior.
“Really, we were busy.” David’s quick smile was fake, and Jared had it.
“No, Jensen and I were talking and you came over and butted your head in. It’s clear from your attitude that you know who I am, or more importantly, who I was, and I don’t appreciate your insinuation that you know best. This is between Jensen and me.” He wrapped one hand around the screen door handle and opened it, not allowing David to keep the barrier in place.
“You don’t know one damn thing,” David said, words clipped in anger. “Jensen has very little sense in this respect, and I think it would be best if you left, Jared.”
Jared smiled around his sneer. “Only my friends get to call me Jared. You can call me Mister Padalecki, and preferably you can do it from another room.”
He returned his attention to Jensen. “Please, let’s talk?”
Jensen began to nod, and that was when David’s fist came out of nowhere, knocking Jared flat against the wooden baseboards of the porch. His head rebounded off the floor and it took him a minute to get his bearings, at the same time trying to watch for another attack. By the time he’d crawled to his knees, he came aware that Jensen was shouting at David to get back upstairs, and that he needed to keep his distance.
Jared was glad to hear it. Part of him had started to think that the Jensen he knew was gone and replaced by someone with no backbone. He couldn’t get a proper fix on the situation anymore, not with Jensen’s emotions fading in and out of readability and his new and exciting throbbing headache.
The saving grace was Jensen’s hand clasping his arm and helping him the rest of his way up and into the house, David nowhere in sight. Jared stumbled through the entryway and into a wide hallway with several rooms branching off of it. To the right, a living room filled with expensive-looking furniture. To the left, a small office.
They continued forward, and as they reached the end of the hallway, Jared looked up and came face to face with The Clock.
It wasn’t as tall upon first inspection, but the sharp edges and sleek, polished dark mahogany from the dream remained the same. In fact, that was the only thing that Jared could find that resembled the object of terror from so many nights’ sleep. Beyond that, the clock stood silent, nonworking, the hands stuck perpetually at 9:17. He vaguely wondered if it had stopped at 9:17 in the morning or night, as if it made any difference.
“Jared?” Jensen’s hand gripped his arm tighter and Jared realized he’d come to a complete stop in the hall, staring at the silent monolith in a combination of fascination and horror.
“Yeah.” Jared stumbled forward, trying to ignore the way that Jensen didn’t even seem to notice that the clock was there, like it was just another piece of furniture. What was it doing here? Where had it come from? Why?
Jensen pushed open a set of double doors and led Jared through into the kitchen, a spacious area that impressed Jared immediately. His shock over the clock aside, he would have been wowed upon entering this room no matter what.
It was clearly a man’s kitchen, with black marble countertops, dark cherry wood cabinets, and stainless steel appliances. Not that Jared would have considered it any different had it been in a woman’s house, he got the impression that this room had been specifically designed to Jensen’s tastes. It was beautiful.
A pot rack with expensive steel cookware hung above a center island that contained a gas stove and room to cut food. Behind the stove was a sink, and to its opposite side, the refrigerator. For a room this size to be in an old Denver house like this, Jared wondered what other room had been sacrificed.
He walked further in and saw a few photos on the fridge. One of David and Jensen wearing New Years Eve hats and holding drinks, clearly inebriated. Another, a postcard, flipped to reveal a picture of the Eiffel Tower. The last one took his breath away. It was a photo of him and Jensen on Field Day, lying in the grass and laughing. It must have been taken right after they won the three-legged race, but Jared couldn't remember anyone snapping a photo. They both looked so happy and young, and the familiar ache returned to his throat and he struggled to keep his tears inside.
"It's us."
Jensen looked up from a drawer he was digging around in, holding a few cotton swabs and antiseptic. A small smile flickered across his face. "Yeah. Sophia took it."
“I don’t remember that at all.”
“I have no idea when she took it, but she left it one day when you weren’t in the room.” Jensen’s eyes dropped to examine a piece of invisible dirt on the countertop. “I guess I never got around to showing it to you.”
Jensen motioned Jared over. “Let’s get your head cleaned up. David clocked you pretty well.”
“Yeah, about that. Your boyfriend’s pretty jealous.” Jared couldn’t keep the snippy tone out of his voice.
Jensen barked a laugh. “My boyfriend? David’s my cousin on my mother’s side. He works with me a few times a week. That’s it.”
“That’s it? So why did he feel the need to knock my head in?”
“He’s just protective. Luckily, you have a licensed physical therapist to take care of you now.”
“Jensen….” Jared sat down on a nearby stool and accepted a swab of antiseptic across his brow and cheek, wincing as it stung. “I don’t think he was just being protective. There’s something else going on. Something wrong.”
“I don’t understand.” Jensen’s voice was light, but Jared knew it was a deflection tactic. Jensen knew something was wrong and was hiding it.
“No, I don’t imagine you do,” Jared agreed, playing along. He didn’t want to put Jensen on the defensive. “But, Jensen, don’t you ever wonder who you are? Why things have happened to you? Why David’s protecting you, or whatever is going on?”
Jensen’s expression remained blank, but Jared caught flashes of fear, uncertainty, and something akin to shame.
It puzzled him only a moment why Jensen would feel these things when it clicked in to place, and Jared felt like a piece of the puzzle had finally come together. “He doesn’t want you to use your Craft,” he said. “David’s here to keep you hidden.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Jensen shook his head.
"Liar." The words popped out before Jared could shove them back down, and the look on Jensen's face was almost worth the trouble Jared knew he was brewing. "I can tell when you lie, Jensen.”
“No you can’t.” Jensen’s eyes narrowed and he took the bandaging supplies back to the drawer and tossed them in, shutting it with a loud bang. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
“No, I don’t think it is.” Jared hopped off the bar stool and stalked toward Jensen, using every inch of his six-foot-five height. “You don’t get to tell me to go when the last time something slightly bad happened between us you fucking quit school and hid. That’s not fair. And it’s not right. What the hell happened, Jensen? What’s with this attitude?”
He backed Jensen up against the counter, bodies nearly touching. Jensen’s tight-fitting gray tee-shirt practically made his eyes glow. He made an attempt to slide away from Jared, but Jared slammed his hands down on the counter, trapping Jensen.
“Listen,” he said, “you can’t avoid this. I’m here now and I’m not letting you get away this time. You dream. You project your dreams. What happened and why does it keep happening? I can tell you’re nervous, but goddammit, Jensen, you’re ok. Whatever David’s doing, whatever he’s telling you, he’s wrong.”
“You can’t guarantee that.” Jensen’s voice was low, and his eyes wouldn’t go higher than Jared’s chest. Jared didn’t care. Jensen wasn’t even arguing against Jared’s assertions, and it meant he was on the right track.
“I can guarantee it. Jensen….” It was now or never, he told himself. “I’m Empathic. I sense emotions and I can send my emotions to others. Five years ago that’s what I did, and something happened to you. What did I do? Why do you keep hiding it? Why do you think it’s wrong?”
“You’re crazy.” Jensen didn’t sound convinced. His words were more rehearsed than anything else.
“No, I’m right. And you know it too. You have a power, Jensen. You can project things, amplify them. Like five years ago. Like now, when you chase away any neighbors that are sensitive to it. You ran away when we triggered it, but it’s time to stop running.” Jared couldn’t stop himself, and reached up to put his hand along Jensen’s jaw. “Why do you keep running?”
“I thought you wouldn’t want me, that I was broken.” A tear rolled from Jensen’s eye. “Do you know how long I’ve struggled to be normal? To hide this freak show I carry around?”
“Jensen! You’re not a freak. Don’t you get it? Didn’t you feel it?”
Jensen’s eyes remained blank, and that was when Jared realized that Jensen wasn’t the only one who needed to get it. Jared was just as guilty. He was the one who had assumed that Jensen’s dreams were an expression of inner pain rather than asking him straight up about them. He was the one who hadn’t tracked Jensen down to make sure that things were ok. He was the one who had felt the love in the room, but hadn’t understood that with Jensen so completely blocked off to Craft, he couldn’t discern the love Jared had reflected back at him. For all his worrying about ethics and force and rape, Jared hadn’t ever seen it from this angle before.
Jared felt his eyes widen as it all hit him. “Jensen,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Even then Jared could tell that Jensen didn’t know why Jared was apologizing. He had to start - somewhere.
He sucked in a deep breath, feeling his emotions rattling nearly tangibly around in his chest and ran a hand through his unkempt hair. He felt David in the other room, listening, waiting to come in and tell Jensen that he needed to make Jared leave, that Jared was poisoning him.
“Can we go somewhere private?” he asked, and although Jensen’s eyes were wary, he gave a brief nod.
“David,” he called out. “Head home.”
David appeared in the doorway in record time, concern and frustration clear. “Jensen, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
The heat of anger bubbled to the surface inside Jared. “No,” he cut in, surprising Jensen and David, “it’s the best idea. David,” he spat, sending waves of intense dislike in David’s direction, “you really need to go.”
David literally staggered backwards, hand over his heart. Jared knew he wasn’t physically hurt, but dammit, David needed to know that Jared wasn’t some kind of pushover. Empaths were highly regarded as in-touch with their feelings, seen as calm, rational human beings. But that wasn’t everything. Jared was one of the most powerful Empaths in North America, and there was more to him than touchy-feely hugging Kumbayah sessions. He was no Deanna Troi, tears springing to his eyes every time somebody felt a measure of pain.
“Jensen, don’t do this!” David pled, while Jensen was staring at Jared, eyes wide. Suddenly, David’s tone changed. “I’ll call your parents, I promise.”
Jared barked out a laugh. “Seriously? You can’t control him for the first time ever and you’re going to go running to his mom and dad? He’s twenty-eight, David. He can make his own choices.” Jared rose to his feet, using his height to make the emphatic point that every male on the planet understood. Mess with me and I’ll fuck you up.
David nearly growled. “He’s dangerous. Don’t you get that, Jared? He could hurt everyone. He needs to keep his wickedness inside.”
Idiots. Jared was dealing with idiots. “So? I could grab a knife and kill my roommate in his sleep, but it doesn’t mean I will. Jensen’s got an amazing talent and you’re trying to subdue him. Don’t you see how much you and his family have already messed things up? David, Jensen’s powerful. It doesn't matter if you all see Craft as this evil power from Satan, or whatever it is that has you all sticking your thumbs up your butts, it’s an amazing part of who he is.”
He turned to face Jensen. “It is!”
“No.” David’s voice sounded different, and Jared turned just in time to see David’s hand rise. “You don’t get to do this, to lead him astray.”
“David, what are you doing?” Jared sidestepped, putting himself between David and Jensen.
“Sometimes it takes evil to turn evil away, and if that’s what I have to do, I will.” David’s hand clenched into a fist, and then his fingers splayed out, sending an invisible force into Jared that knocked him backwards. He and Jensen tumbled to the ground in a heap.
“You’re telekinetic!” Jared clambered to his feet, tugging Jensen behind the center island, away from David’s vision. He knew telekinetics, how they worked, how their power needed sight, and that meant that he knew how to take them down.
He grabbed Jensen’s hand and hissed, “Don’t move.” Then he squeezed his eyes shut, and a deep breath later, he formed an image inside his mind. David’s body at the kitchen entrance, tall, bulky, and vividly emotional. Anger, rage, fear, shame - the same mix that Jensen kept inside himself, but a mix David believed so much more strongly. That was the key.
Jared sent out a wave of his own power, hearing something clatter to the floor beside his body. David was mentally flinging items over the countertop. He focused, trying not to let something so physical distract him from the true fight. He knew David. He knew his weakness. Fear. And he could work with that.
Inside himself he imagined what he’d been like the morning after Jensen had left, afraid and sad that he’d fucked up so badly, but also terrified that if he went to look for Jensen, he’d only destroy him further. The emotions he’d questioned for five years and the private fear that he’d only hurt someone that he wanted to love. It was all for David.
Jared pushed the fear forward and into David, and only seconds later felt David’s whole emotional state of being waver. David gasped out loud, and Jared felt him tumble to his knees.
Before he could rise, Jensen’s hand clutched his arm, tight to the point of painful.
“What was that?” he hissed.
Jared’s eyes blinked open and he turned his head, still trying to come back to himself. “Me,” he responded, and let a wave of compassion wash over Jensen.
Jensen sat back on his heels, a stunned expression crossing his face.
Leaving Jensen for just a minute, Jared hurried over to David, who was lying on his side, tears streaming down his face.
“Leave,” he said, “or I call hell down on you in the form of people much stronger than you’ll ever be.” He yanked David to his feet, and the man left without a word, stumbling toward the front door, his eyes wide with fear. Jared knew that David had never met someone willing to use their Craft like that before.
He collected his breath a minute before going back to Jensen and dropping to his knees. “Jen,” he said, “it’s ok. David’s gone. You’re free. You’re going to be ok.”
“How can I be ok? Why do you even care?” Jensen’s voice was soft, and Jared could see wet streaks on his cheeks.
“Why do I care? Jensen, I never stopped caring. I was young and stupid and didn’t know any better, and I’m an asshole.”
Jensen looked up at last, and his eyes were wet with tears. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore. You felt it. That…power. The way it broke…me.”
“You thought I didn’t want you?” Jared shook his head. “Jen, you’re all I’ve thought about since that night. What would make you think that?”
“Because I’m not right, Jared. This power I have…it’s wrong. And you were there. You felt it. And suddenly I couldn’t hide it anymore and I had to leave. Jared, I’m broken.”
Jared was pretty sure his mouth was hanging wide open, and he didn’t have the wherewithal to close it. Jensen, broken?
“Did your family tell you that?” he whispered. His need for Jensen to feel the warmth and rightness of how Jared thought of him spread through Jared’s body like a low flame. He grasped Jensen’s arms. “You are not broken, Jensen. Because if you are, I am, and for two people who are apparently not right, we’re doing damn good. Look at us. Look where you live, who you work for. I’m a licensed psychologist. I help people and so do you. What’s so broken about that?”
“Because it’s not natural,” Jensen hissed, and tried again to yank from Jared’s grasp. Jared didn’t let him go anywhere. Instead, he sent a wave of emotion to Jensen. One of love and concern and happiness at seeing him again.
Jensen’s eyes widened and his emotional awareness abruptly filled Jared’s mind, like Jensen had opened a door to himself. All sorts of emotions flooded into Jared, almost too many to name.
Without warning, the emotions got stronger, more powerful. Jared’s hands began trembling, and he had to let Jensen go. They were so strong that they were painful.
“What are you doing?” he asked, clutching his head. “Jensen!”
“I’m showing you,” Jensen said, a look of sadness in his eyes. “You have to see why I’m not right.”
Strong frustration and pain. Loneliness. Fear. Disappointment. Jared crumpled to his knees and began to lock down his mind where he could. Jensen was using his own power against him, amplifying Jared’s emotions to extreme levels.
His head knocked against Jensen’s knee and he knelt there, trying to get his mind back under his own control.
“Tell me you feel it, Jared. Feel what my mother, my father, my cousin said I am. A freak! ‘You’ve got to hide it, Jensen, or you’ll never be accepted!’ That’s what they told me. What do you think, Jared? Am I a freak?”
Jared groaned, still clutching his head. He sucked in a deep breath, and with all his might, sent a burst of love and acceptance to Jensen. It was one of the strongest emotions he’d ever pushed at another person, and when the painful onslaught abruptly quit, he knew he’d done something to get through.
“If you’re a freak,” he growled, “then you had better consider me one too, because whatever you just did to me? I can do it back.” He pushed another wave of concern Jensen’s way and grabbed the edge of the counter, pulling himself upright.
“Your family are the people who should be ashamed of themselves, to try and tell you that just because you couldn’t hide who you were like they said you should, you were somehow wrong.”
Jensen’s mouth set in a firm line and he stared at Jared like he didn’t quite believe what he heard.
“Don’t you realize how amazing you are? The things you’ve made me feel? You are an amazing man, Jensen, and you’ve given me so much. Don’t you know that?” Jared’s memories of Jensen flashed through his head, and as they did, he let Jensen feel each accompanying emotion.
Jared’s excitement at having a roommate who wanted to help people. Jared laughing at Field Day, feeling free and fun. Jared seeing Jensen kissing the guy on his walk and the flash of desire he’d felt. Being proud of Jensen’s studying and wanting to achieve good things the same way.
He let Jensen feel it all, and with a small noise, Jensen’s arms slid around Jared. He buried his head against Jared’s chest. “I’m sorry, I was stupid for leaving. I - just - I don’t feel like I’m ok.”
“I know.” Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s huddled body and laid a small kiss to the top of his head. “But what you’re doing now is better than letting your family tell you that you’re evil. Do you really think that you are?”
“I don’t know what I am.”
“I know what you are.” Jared tilted Jensen’s head up so they were eye to eye. “You’re smart and practical. You are sexy. You’re fun. You’re curing people every day at whatever therapy job you have.”
“Physical therapist for the Denver Broncos.”
“Right, curing people as a rich-ass therapist for a sports team. But whatever. If I’d known you were going through all of this, well, maybe I still would have been a little bitch and not done anything to help, but I don’t think so. Shutting yourself off isn’t the answer.”
“Jared, it was the only way they’d let me leave. I had to prove that I wasn’t using those powers.”
Jared snorted. “I don’t think that worked too well. It came out in your dreams. In fucked up ways. I mean, what’s with the clock?”
Jensen blinked at him. “The clock?”
“In the entryway. It was in every dream you ever projected.”
Jensen’s eyes widened, and he sat back on the tile, mouth slightly agape. “That clock was supposed to be like a mental box where I kept my abilities. My dad said that as long as it was around, I would be reminded that I could never share what I was, that it would always tick and remind me that I had to be vigilant.”
“That’s nuts. A clock? It’s stopped anyway.”
Jensen shrugged. “It worked for a long time. But then…what happened in college. I could never seal it away the same after that, and after my parents found out. That’s when David came to work with me.”
“How long has he been here ‘working’ with you?”
“A couple of years now. He means well, Jared, he really does. I’m not just saying that. He’s not abusing me or whatever you’re thinking.”
“Yes, he is.” Jared grabbed Jensen’s hands and held them tight. “Anyone who tells you that you’re not ok with the ability you’ve been given is abusing you. I know it’s not intentional abuse. David doesn’t know better because that’s what he’s been taught. But I’m not going to let you keep thinking that. You are amazing, Jensen. You always have been.”
He led Jensen out of the destroyed kitchen and into the living room. They sat down together on a plush couch where Jared angled himself to face Jensen. “Jen. I can’t even tell you what you have at your fingertips. You can project, amplify-“
“Whoa, whoa.” Jensen put a finger up against Jared’s lips. "Start from the beginning. Please. I don’t even know where to sort this all out in my head.”
“Right.” Jared breathed in deep, collected his thoughts, and began to talk. And talk.
_____
The sun had just begun to creep over the edge of the Earth when the conversation dwindled. Both men were still sitting on the couch, each thinking thoughts of how the last five years could have gone so differently. Jared wasn’t sure where they’d go from here, if he should leave, give Jensen some time. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a day, but he had felt more and more that Jensen was coming to terms with who he was and what he could be.
Everything that had felt so raw just hours before had finally subsided into quiet peacefulness, Jared simply talked about Craft and how it was to be able to use his abilities, how other people lived with their talents. He’d been able to feel Jensen becoming more and more curious, accepting that this world was now a possibility.
A cricket chirped outside. “Show me,” Jensen said, breaking the stillness. His voice was rough with talk, and Jared knew his sounded much the same.
“Are you sure? It’s late. Or early. I don’t know anymore.”
“Jared, I’m completely sure.”
Happiness swelled through Jared’s body and he felt his smile threatening to overtake his face. “Ok.” He settled himself back against the side of Jensen’s couch and closed his eyes, ready to start teaching Jensen about his Craft.
“I know you’ve been trying to suppress it, but touching your Craft is really easy-" The words stuttered to a stop as he felt Jensen’s hand touch his forearm and his eyes sprang open.
“No, not like that.” Jensen reached out and clasped Jared’s chin lightly, raising his head to meet Jensen’s gaze. Jared’s breath hitched as he saw Jensen’s lust-darkened pupils and the serious intent behind his expression. “I want you to show me what you do. Make me feel it.” Jensen surged forward, straddling Jared’s lap on the couch, stroking his hands across Jared’s chest.
“Are you sure?” Jared found himself impossibly hard, wanting this. To help Jensen touch what had been hidden from him so long, and to make it something warm and happy and full of love. In a way, he’d be putting his own demons to rest as well, knowing he hadn’t damaged Jensen beyond repair.
“Stop asking me that. I want it more than anything.” Jensen’s voice was husky with want, and Jared became aware that he could feel desire and curiosity and a complete certainty that let him know that this was right, at last.
And there the perfect moment was, Jensen in his lap, plush lips capturing his own in a tender kiss. Jensen lapped at his mouth with an eager tongue, exploring Jared’s mouth with an intensity that hadn’t been present five years ago, but mirrored exactly how Jared felt now.
He slowly rolled his hips up, grinding against Jensen’s lithe body. Even through their double layers of denim, Jared could feel Jensen’s excitement, his need. It was heady knowledge, almost like a responsibility that had been laid down at the Altar of Jared to make this right this time, to let Jensen know how reverently he had waited for this moment.
“You’re not going to think worse of me after this, will you?” Jensen whispered as he planted slow kisses up the side of Jared’s neck.
“I don’t mind if you’re slutty with me. My opinion won’t change. Besides, I’ve seen your dick already.” Jared panted, head lolling back against the sofa. “I think we’re destined to forever have sex on furniture too tiny for us, though.”
“True,” Jensen said. “Do you want to move upstairs?”
“No,” Jared growled. “I want fuck you right now.” He tugged at Jensen’s shirt.
“Yes, please,” Jensen whispered, so Jared did, despite the awkward angle on the cramped couch.
_____
Jared tossed another piece of wood into the fire, watching the flames flare as the new fuel began to break down into ash. He held onto Jensen’s clenched fingers with his other hand. They’d been sitting here on this log watching the fire burn for the last hour or so, nothing passing between them except the strength of Jensen’s emotions.
“That was the last piece.” Jared finally spoke. “It’s gone.” He looked over at Jensen, at the beautiful profile belonging to the man he loved. Jensen still gazed at the flames, the light illuminating his freckles, his long lashes, his delicate features. Jared’s breath almost caught in his throat and he marveled again at how lucky he was to be here.
“Thank you,” Jensen whispered. He blinked and turned his gaze to Jared. Outwardly, Jensen’s expression stayed masked, calm. Even knowing him as well as Jared did, if he hadn’t been able to feel what was going on underneath the surface, he might have been fooled into thinking that Jensen was completely at peace.
This moment had been a long time coming, and Jared ached at the trepidation and sadness coursing through Jensen, but he also admired the fact that Jensen had approached Jared without any prodding, telling him that it was time for the clock to be destroyed.
It had been a really hard few months. David came back to cause trouble a few times, and it wasn’t until Chad and Jeff had met him at the front door, promising legal action, that he had gone back to Los Angeles, tail tucked between his legs. Jensen went back and forth feeling like he had failed his family, but at last was coming to realize that he could only move forward, not hide forever.
Now, hearing the crickets chirp in the clearing around them, Jared felt his heart relax.
Here they sat, destroying the place Jensen had hidden his power and his fears, but also one of the triggers that had brought them together at last. Jared couldn’t help but think of the Phoenix, the bird who was reborn out of its own ashes. It made a good stepping stone for the next phase of their lives together, to let the past be the past, and the future start anew.
He couldn’t help but peek over at Jensen again. “I love you.” Jared kissed Jensen’s temple and squeezed his hand. “You ok?”
“I am,” Jensen said, and even through his anxiety and sadness about leaving this chapter of his life behind, Jared could feel with every bone in his body that Jensen truly was going to be fine. He felt his love swell and expand until it was the only thing the two of them knew as they watched the fire burn itself out, leaving behind the stars twinkling in the crisp Colorado night.
Art Post | Notes & Soundtrack | Master Post
