Across the Universe...
"Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe... "
I talked to him yesterday...my birthday...and I guarantee it's not who you're thinking...and I spoke aloud this constant fear that dwells somewhere in the region of my stomach. The part of me that jumps whenever I skip a step on the stairs by accident.
Me: "Do you know what's scary about love?"
Him: "What?"
Me: "That you can never measure how much a person loves you back. You can't say, 'i love you this much and you love me this amount so we're on pretty equal grounds.' it's unnerving."
Him: "Well, that's love...trusting someone enough with your feelings to the point where you know they must feel for you in return."
He's right. And he makes it sound simple enough...
But unfortunately, trust has never been a favorable thing with me. Trusting people is difficult. It's exhausting and depressing.
And awfully disappointing...
The one person I ever TRULY trusted let me down so many times...kind of iRoNic, really, but that story is neither here nor there.
And it was only recently that I truly decided that I could be MySeLf.
I haven't let me down yet.
But trust...wow. that's another category altogether.
That area involves secrets, and I've always been too good at keeping those to create the need to trust others with them.
And he and I...we have so many.
*Later in the night...*
Me: "How many people have you honestly loved in your life?"
Him: "One."
(pause)
Me: "More importantly, how many people have you told you love in your life?"
Him: "Two."
Doesn't that say something? I think it speaks volumes...
isn't it stRaNge that a person might profess a love that doesn't truly exist?
or more: isn't it frightening..?
<3
*celi*