(no subject)
Mike turned off the VCR as he and Tom finished watching the final edit. "So…."
"Yeah?"
"How dead are we?"
Tom snorted. "Dude, we're the deadest men in Deadonia."
"Isn't that a line from Buffy?"
"You watch Buffy?"
There was an uncomfortable pause. "Okay, so we're dead men walking…or, in your case, flying faster than a speeding bullet. But this? Totally worth it." A grin tugged at the corners of Mike's mouth. "Hey, Tom?"
"What?"
Another pause. "D'you think Kripke'll put this on their season 2 DVD extras?"
The grin slowly spread across Tom's face as well. "You're absolutely right, Mikey."
"About?"
"Totally worth it."
~*~*~*~
Eric stopped the tape and looked at Kim. "Did you see the note they sent along with it?"
Kim snickered. "You mean the one asking you to put into the season 2 DVD extras?"
"Yep."
After a beat Kim asked, "So? Can we?"
Eric grinned impudently. "Only if Mike and Tom will let us put in a dedication. Something I think'll be just perfect if the message boards are anything to go by."
Kim started to feel a bit uneasy. "What dedication?"
"Something like, 'To our devoted fangirls-this is for all of you.'"
Kim groaned. "Eric, they're gonna kill you…."
"Serves 'em right for last week's snowball attack-I swear, one of those damned things had to've had a rock in it!"
~*~*~*~
Jared came bounding up behind his friend. "Hey, Jensen!"
"Wha'?" The older man trudged towards the food tent, the only reason he didn't do his exuberant co-star bodily harm being that he just didn't have the muscle coordination before his coffee…and it disgusted him that he could even think shit like "exuberant" and "muscle coordination" at four-fuckin'-forty-five in the damn morning.
"Good morning to you too," Jared laughed.
"Dude. Coffee. Need it."
"Yeah, I know," the younger man laughed, handing Jensen a carefully lidded styrofoam cup of the steaming liquid.
Jensen took it gratefully. "Jay, I take back everything I ever said about you being the Jolly Green Giant's shaggy brown puppy."
Jared guffawed. "No you don't, you fucker."
"Okay, so I don't. Thanks anyway."
"You're welcome."
Jared's early-morning sunny demeanor was always incomprehensible to Jensen. "How the hell are you so cheerful? It's still to early to even be the ass-crack of dawn yet."
"My grandma says Mom used to be a morning person when she was a kid. Grandma never was, and it used to tick her off. A lot. After Mom got pregnant, she got like Grandma, likes to sleep in, y'know? Grandma likes to call me her 'perky revenge.'"
"Okay, great, but why do I have to suffer?"
"'Cause I bring you coffee," Jared smirked.
Jensen grinned. "Touché."
"I see the caffeine's kicking in already."
"Howzat?"
"Well, you've lost 'the look.'"
"What look?"
"The 'Don't fuck with me, or they'll be finding your toes for months after the rest of you' look you always seem to wake up wearing."
Jensen just looked at him, his jaw a little slack. "That's the most convoluted look I think I've ever heard."
"Well it's a very expressive look," Jared grinned. "Why do you think I always bring you coffee, you ungrateful bastard?"
"'Cause you're just trying to get into my pants like everyone else in the world?" Jensen smirked.
"Dude, just 'cause the fangirls think it doesn't make it true." Jared shook his head, bewildered. "Fangirls are cracked, man."
Jensen just laughed. "Gotta love 'em for it, though." He toasted with his coffee cup. "To the fangirls. Just thank your lucky stars Welling and Rosenbaum've laid off for the time being."
"Amen. After New Year's, I thought I was gonna have to kill 'em. I mean, spiking our drinks so we'd fall asleep on the couch together? What the hell was the point of that?"
"Search me," Jensen replied, then pulled up short. "Hey, hang on a sec."
"What?" Jared cocked his head at Jensen's puzzled expression.
"We're filming episode 20 this week, right?"
"Yeah?" Jared asked expectantly. "So?"
"Weren't we supposed to do another one of those 'A Day in the Life of Jensen and Jared' things a couple of weeks ago?"
Jared's expression now mirrored Jensen's. "I think so, yeah. What happened to that?" They started walking again as Jensen shrugged.
"No idea. Wanna ask Kripke, or just thank our lucky stars we don't have to give up a day's worth of free time again?"
"It wasn't that bad, dude."
"Maybe not,” Jensen conceded. “ I've only finished half my coffee," he grinned, taking another sip.
Jared rolled his eyes. "Do you even have blood running through your veins anymore, or do you just bleed caffeine?"
"Caffeine all the way," Jensen laughed, entering the makeup trailer. "More sanitary than blood." Jared just laughed as the door closed behind them.
~*~*~*~
Several months later, savoring the last of hiatus, Jared settled into his favorite armchair and flipped through the DVD menu. He'd wait to watch the actual episodes with Jensen so that they could heckle each other, but he liked seeing the interviews with the crew. He found the special features menu, and pulled a double take. With a sense of foreboding in the pit of his stomach, he took out his cell phone and dialed Jensen.
"Hey, what's up?"
"D'you have your season 2 DVDs yet?" Jared asked worriedly.
"Nah, I just had it held until we get to Vancouver. I'm on my way over to you, anyway. Why?"
"We never filmed a second 'Day in the Life,' did we?"
"No, we got off lucky, remember?"
"Uh, Jensen?"
"What?"
Jared could hear the irritation in Jensen's tone, and let fear seep into his own. "I'm not so sure I'd use the word 'lucky' just yet…."
"What the hell are you talking about, Jared?" Jensen huffed in annoyance.
"Just get here." He hung up.
Twenty minutes later, Jared opened the door just as Jensen raised his fist to knock. Jared fidgeted and paced as he beckoned the other man in. Jensen pulled a face. "Jay, man, what-"
"Oh, God, Jensen, it's awful! I'm gonna kill 'em! They were your friends first, and I want you to help me kill 'em, then we're moving on to Kripke and Manners. We'll be unemployed, but the bastards have to die!"
Jensen had never seen his friend so upset-not when he was playing Sam, 'cause he was more broody than anything else, and certainly not in real life, where he the laid-back cheerful one. He reached out and snagged Jared's arm as he passed. "Jared, slow down and start over. What's going on, kill who-what're you talking about?" He led Jared to the sofa and sat.
"I'm talking about this!" Jared snapped as he hit a button on the DVD remote.
The screen went black, and then a title card came up: "Observations of the Native Texan in an Unnatural Habitat; or, A Day in the Life of Jensen and Jared II, as directed by Tom Welling and narrated by Michael Rosenbaum (Hey, if Shakespeare can double-title his work, then so can we!)". Another title card flashed. "At the request of Eric Kripke and Kim Manners, Tom and Mike gladly dedicate this piece to the loyal fans of the show, fondly known as 'The Fangirls.' None of us would be here if it wasn't for your loyalty, and we truly thank you."
Jensen's voice was hardly more than a croak. "They wouldn't."
Jared punched him in the arm. "Dude, it's Rosenbaum and Welling. Of course they would! I just can't believe Eric and Kim went along with it!"
"You mean the same Eric and Kim that you keep insisting on pelting with snowballs? I'm just surprised they waited this long. Remember the snowball with the rock in it?"
"C'mon, I told all y'all, that was an accident!"
The clip started, fading in on Mike Rosenbaum standing beside a lake, dressed like a safari tour guide, and when he opened his mouth and started to speak, he was imitating Steve Irwin...badly. "The Texan is a breed known to many...."
The fifteen-minute clip ran through. After the end credits rolled, complete with the obligatory mocking, "Mike and Tom would like to point out that no actors were harmed in the making of this smartass prank of a mockumentary, so quit whining, ya big Texan babies," Jared looked at Jensen. "See?"
"God, I'm gonna kill 'em."
"Jensen! My mother's gonna see that! She's got a sense of humor the size of Australia-she's gonna find this funny as all hell, and I'm never gonna live it down!" He buried his head in his hands. "God, she's probably gonna ask Mike and Tom if she can send a copy to the whole family-and they'll send 'em to her, outta the so-called 'goodness' of their hearts." He looked up. "If this is how they get back at us, we're walkin ' the straight 'n narrow from now on."
"Fuck that!" Jensen shot upright. "They wanna throw down like this? Bring it on! I grew up with an older brother and a younger sister, just like you, and I worked with these two fuckers for an entire season. I am the king of payback." Jared started to look hopeful, like maybe he didn't have to crawl into a hole and die, so Jensen soldiered on. "We've got a whole season's worth of Canadian winter to work with. No way in hell are they gonna win-we're Winchesters!"
Jared snorted. "Um, I hate to break it to you, but we're not Winchesters."
"Yeah, well, we play 'em on TV," Jensen argued dismissively.
"Hey Jensen?"
"Yeah?"
Jared grinned a little. "Promise me if I'm ever stupid enough to start getting on your bad side, you'll give me enough warning to try and backpedal my way out?"
Jensen slapped him on the back and chuckled. "Only if I think the retribution'll be more than you can handle...Jare-zilla."
Jensen was still cackling when Jared tackled him to the floor.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Transcript of "Observations of the Native Texan"