letter of recommendation shyness

[getwellsoon100]

hi, so my letter writer agreed to write a letter. I no longer attend the school where he teaches. Would it be OK for me to mail everything to their school address, or should I suck it up and go in person to their office hours? I am very shy so do not want to go to the office hours. But, will this make a difference in my letter? Maybe I can make an

Comments

[lifeofbai]

Unless you are applying to the program while you're still in school, then doing it by mail is perfectly acceptable. I'd think that it would be kind of unreasonable to expect people who no longer attend the school to deliver the LoR materials in person. :)
- Ray

[cosmicwonder]

I agree with this. Some professors don't like having people visit them during their office hours other than the students they are currently teaching.

[glass_music_cup]

I don't think it's that big of a deal, depending on how long it has been since you went to school there. Really, I don't think it will reflect that negatively on you.

If you decide to make him/her mail it out, please be sure to provide pre-addressed envelopes and stamps.

[getwellsoon100]

I was actually planning on picking up the finished letter and reading it then putting it in a new envelope. So when he tells me he is done with the letter I will tell him I'm going to pick it up. I know its unethical, but I don't want to mess up my chances.

[glass_music_cup]

Don't a lot of schools require a "sealed envelope with a signature"? Avoid a mess in the first place and before you ask for a letter, ask if they can provide you with a positive reference.

[coaldustcanary]

You probably won't be able to complete your "unethical" plan. Most LORs are not only supposed to be confidential, but are sealed with a stamp or a signature over the closure so that it's proof that the letter *is* confidential.

Even if, by chance, your LOR writer doesn't do this, don't be a lying douche.

[getwellsoon100]

I was planning on forging the signature on a new envelope. Unless it is in fact a stamp of authenticity. I am pretty sure I can fake whatever they scribble across the envelope.

[cosmicwonder]

I can't condone this behavior; you should be ashamed to even consider doing this. It's extremely unethical, especially if you check the box on the application form that you have waived your right to look at the letter. In essence, you will be lying on your application and having an unfair advantage over other applicants.

In general, professors won't agree to write LORs unless it will be positive. I've heard that the negative ones are usually not even considered by adcoms because it is considered quite immoral to agree to write a letter and then write a bad one.

[coaldustcanary]

I've heard that the negative ones are usually not even considered by adcoms because it is considered quite immoral to agree to write a letter and then write a bad one.

My feeling is the OP is a troll, but I have to disagree with this. I know my department takes bad LORs (for either graduate admissions or job applicants) very seriously, and it is, in fact, basically a kiss of death. Lots and lots of LORs "damn with faint praise" or are extremely vague or even refer to the applicant by the wrong name, and that kind of thing is noticed and taken into account. I know plenty of people who think it's not polite to write a crappy LOR (either in the sense that it's negative or badly written), but few who would call it immoral.

[getwellsoon100]

It immoral in the sense that, if one asks if one is going to write a positive letter, and one tells one the letter will be positive and helpful, but then writes a disservicing letter, one is in fact lying which is as a matter of fact immoral.

[lifeofbai]

Okay, now I think you have got to be trolling.

[tisiphone]

I think it's our old friend with the pants problem.

[coaldustcanary]

I think you may be right. Definitely some similarities.

[iampheng]

what? what? :@ I just signed on to express my shock and disbelief.