Despairing
Not so much an advice post, but mostly I just needed to flail and weep somewhere and everyone in real life is probably getting sick of listening to me.
I got my first rejection last weekend, was rather stowic about the whole thing, and just had the "Well, I just want to know," mindset. Well... be careful what you wish for. Thursday one of my schools started making calls, and I saw on grad cafe that another one had started yesterday/today. I have received calls from neither (University of Missouri and U Penn respectively). I've been trying to tell myself that "it's not the end of the world, these are really good schools with few slots," but it isn't really cutting the pill. I desperately wanted both of these schools, and potentially losing both of them in a few days is killing me.
On top of this, I looked at my writing sample today, for the first time since submitting it. It's a thesis-like paper I've been working on. I'd done some work on it--I knew it wasn't perfect, but my professor was taking forever getting it back to me, and application deadlines are application deadlines. Well, I took a look at it again today, the copy my professor finally got back to me with necessary corrections, at the beginning of Feb... and holy mother of God are there a lot of mistakes. Big things, and little things like extra spaces and misplaced commas.
With one for sure rejection, two that are, the longer it goes, becoming implicit, and only two schools left to hear from (unless I get a miracle and it takes these schools longer than a few days to make their calls), plus a thesis crunch, I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. I feel absolutely sure this writing sample disaster is going to keep me from getting accepted anywhere, and I just want to cry. There's nothing I can do about it now, but it's just horrific to contemplate the fact that I've probably shot myself in the foot and that I have to potentially go through this hell again next year. This was my second round (I got into a masters last year, but it was my undergrad institution, and their admissions criteria is... not confidence-building).
I apologize for the literary record of the meltdown I'm having right now; I just had to get it off my chest somewhere, in hopes of grasping at a little of my insanity. Thanks if you read. Feels a little better to unload...
I got my first rejection last weekend, was rather stowic about the whole thing, and just had the "Well, I just want to know," mindset. Well... be careful what you wish for. Thursday one of my schools started making calls, and I saw on grad cafe that another one had started yesterday/today. I have received calls from neither (University of Missouri and U Penn respectively). I've been trying to tell myself that "it's not the end of the world, these are really good schools with few slots," but it isn't really cutting the pill. I desperately wanted both of these schools, and potentially losing both of them in a few days is killing me.
On top of this, I looked at my writing sample today, for the first time since submitting it. It's a thesis-like paper I've been working on. I'd done some work on it--I knew it wasn't perfect, but my professor was taking forever getting it back to me, and application deadlines are application deadlines. Well, I took a look at it again today, the copy my professor finally got back to me with necessary corrections, at the beginning of Feb... and holy mother of God are there a lot of mistakes. Big things, and little things like extra spaces and misplaced commas.
With one for sure rejection, two that are, the longer it goes, becoming implicit, and only two schools left to hear from (unless I get a miracle and it takes these schools longer than a few days to make their calls), plus a thesis crunch, I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. I feel absolutely sure this writing sample disaster is going to keep me from getting accepted anywhere, and I just want to cry. There's nothing I can do about it now, but it's just horrific to contemplate the fact that I've probably shot myself in the foot and that I have to potentially go through this hell again next year. This was my second round (I got into a masters last year, but it was my undergrad institution, and their admissions criteria is... not confidence-building).
I apologize for the literary record of the meltdown I'm having right now; I just had to get it off my chest somewhere, in hopes of grasping at a little of my insanity. Thanks if you read. Feels a little better to unload...