Statement of Purpose Version 2
Hello everyone! I'm back and bringing a brand new statement of purpose. If you don't remember my previous statement of purpose, it was posted approximately two- three weeks ago in regards to Langston Hughes' "The Need For Heroes." After receiving tons of feedback from friends, peers, and professors, I decided to completely scrap that idea and go a
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Huh. When I read Goodnight Moon, it was strictly for analysis of the astronomical data contained therein. Seriously, it's your opening sentence so it's the first impression you get to make. I'm not sure how strong an opener "I used to think books were just for fun" is no matter how well it's worded.
I would often wander about with a book strategically placed in my hand.
Strategically? It makes it sound like you didn't think books were for fun, you thought carrying a book around was a way of achieving some hitherto unrevealed but certainly devious plan.
This was my world-a world that no one else could see or even imagine. A fairytale world filled with kings, queens, and mystical beings.
I don't think you should say that no one else could imagine your world. For one, if it really arises from books, the whole point is you're imagining something that someone else has imagined before. Maybe passerbys were oblivious to the depth of your engrossment in your imagination, but that doesn't mean that no one has ever imagined what you were imagining. Unless you really do think that no one has ever imagined a world filled with kings, queens AND mystical beings.
Overall, I don't like your hook. It's well written to be sure but the ideas aren't that unusual. English majors tend to like to read as a general rule so it doesn't make you a unique applicant. I think in Donald Asher's book he mentions that one test for your SOP is to read it over and ask yourself if everything you've written could honestly be said of you and only you. That's how you can tell you've revealed enough of who you are for the adcomm. In this case, your entire hook could be just as easily found in any other SOP for any other English applicant.
more standardized
I don't like that. I don't really know why but it just seems like you're trying to dress it up. I tripped over it.
My complaint with the second paragraph is similar to the first. It basically just describes any student's experience as an English major. Yes, you learn to think critically. Yes, you learn to apply theories. Yes, you gain exposure to different authors and time periods. What made your undergraduate experience unique? Why should I admit you instead of the other 29 odd people in the classroom or the other thousand applicants for the programme who all learned similar things from their own programmes?
It took me to paragraph 3 to find anything unique about you. That you'd been a tutor. But the experience is discussed in too bland and common a way. Can you illustrate it in a more dynamic way? Maybe veer to the anecdotal side very briefly to demonstrate your gusto for teaching?
Furthering my education at [school] as a graduate student in the Master of Arts English Program will give me the opportunity to continue to develop and enrich my skills at a challenging institution. [University’s] program will allow me to select the courses I feel would provide the necessary knowledge to achieve my career goals-whether they are English courses or courses from other disciplines.
I'm sure every school would like to think that it can develop and enrich your skills, and every school wants to think it's challenging. Again, why this specific school? Convince them that you are the perfect match for them and that they are the perfect match for you.
In the last paragraph, I think you blow by their names too quickly. Why them? Have you read anything by them? What brought you to choose those people?
In the last couple of words, I suddenly discover that your interest is in African American literature? Why didn't that come up before (apart from mentioning that textbook, which just fell into a sea of other texts and authors you mentioned)? Why didn't I get to hear any of your original ideas or angles or places you want to go with that interest?
My verdict overall is that this is not a badly written SOP at all but it really doesn't stand out in any way. If I were on the adcomm, it would definitely waitlist you because there's nothing to draw me in, nothing to get me thinking "This is the person I want to study here!" And that lack of individuality is the kiss of death.
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It's something that we all struggle with but it's so important to make a strong impression on the reader. They're reading so many SOP's that all but the most interesting ones will just blend together after a while.
Good luck with your applications!
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Check out Chapter 4 in this book (the chapter is online in its entirety so you don't need to buy it):
http://books.google.ca/books?id=g28gN7qo_OoC&lpg=PR14&ots=Ompz7b9MQo&dq=Graduate%20Admission%20Essays%20Chapters&pg=PA68#v=onepage&q=&f=false
I don't think this book is the be-all-end-all by any stretch, but if you do all the pre-writing exercises they could prove very useful in coming up with 'talking points' for your SOP.
I also found this link useful:
http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/gradapp/stmtpurpose.htm
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