Comp Lit Application Stuff

[i_zarathustra]

Ok, I've actually already submitted all this to UC Berkeley already, but I'm still tweaking it for future submissions this month and next. So anyway, let me know what you guys think!

Comments

[anonymous]

re ps first. maybe it's just because i'm sensitive to class issues, but you're first paragraph is really off-putting to me. you start off by saying that you came from a working class family-- then by the end you make it look like working class people can't be smart-- like being raised working class was a burden not because of the class hierarchy but because you were surrounded by idiots-- like the only way to be smart is to be in academia--like religious people are morons--like everyone else in your family is stupid because they aren't "intellectual." if you had any professor reading this statement even slightly interested in new working class studies they would likely be as irritated as i was.

agree about specific examples. you need at least one case study of what you've done. what you have now is a list form. "i like this and this and this and this and this." how do these "this"-es tie together? to me they don't seem related--i'm thinking they must tie together in your mind, so maybe you could make those connections explicit. otherwise, it comes off as "i like everything!" or "i'm studying comp lit/rhetoric because that's where you're allowed to lack focus." i'm sure you are very focused, just if you could make it explicit. that's the annoying thing about statements--you need to spell things out, because we have no idea who you are. your third paragraph begins with what i thought would be this "unifying strand" you speak of, but by the time i finished paragraphs 3 and 4 i was still a little foggy. i mean, paragraph 4 is really the most important paragraph of the whole thing, but it's just this tiny little thing that's both a little repetitive and a little confusing. if i were you, i'd start out with paragraph 4 and make it twice as long, getting really in depth about your project of "awkward expression."

ah, maybe i've said one thing that helps. hope i wasn't mean! good luck!