Revised SOP mark II

[starcrossed]

I totally scrapped my original SOP and worked on making it relate more to my experiences. I hope this one is a little better but it is way too long. 773 words whereas one program requires a maximum of 500 words :/ It also leaves out my high school and middle school teaching and proctoring experience, I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Anyway,

Comments

[hkitsune]

This is much, much better. I'll let the other people give you more advice, though. This was much more interesting, is all I have to say. :]

[endxgame]

I have no idea as to what you're proposing for a research project. I gather it has something to do with Mexican immigration into the United States, and maybe it is aimed at the way that it impacts elections. And even this isn't mentioned until the end of your third paragraph. I also don't know how much ad coms really care about your high school education.

I personally am not a fan of the "since I was a child" opening. But there seems to be a great deal of disagreement about that in this community.

Your fit paragraph mentions classes you want to take but not professors. I gather faculty are more important than courses.

Do American grad programs care about model UNs and Model Parliaments at all? I have always personally seen them as a hobby like debating rather than having any serious academic merit. Someone else would probably know better than me.

I sort of feel that after reading this I have no idea what you are interested in beyond "America" and "Mexico" or what it is you plan on doing if the school admits you.

[starcrossed]

My research is hopefully going to focus on the effect of internal and external (particularly Mexican) migration and its effect on Presidential election campaigns and the electoral college itself.

[endxgame]

Then put it in the SOP! I just think you're lacking any discussion of what you will do when the University lets you in.

[brittdreams]

I would scrap the first paragraph. You start with childhood, skip to junior high, go back to childhood, then jump ahead to high school. It's a bit confusing to the reader. I think you should also do a bit more to mention how you are prepared for graduate study (coursework you've taken, papers you've written, articles/theorists that inform your thinking). Then, really develop your research project and interests. That will make your SOP stronger.

And, in the final paragraph, I would make sure those courses are actively being offered before mentioning them here. Mentioning specific faculty wouldn't be a bad idea either.

[holdup123]

This is so much better, I know much more about you now then I did from the first draft