Ok, here is a completely new version of my SOP. Again, for those of you not yet bothered by my near-constant deluge of posts, I'm applying to MFA CW programs.
When I stood on the side of the “Going-to-the-Sun” Road in Glacier National Park, my squinted eyes searching for the last glimpses of a massive glacier that has all but melted, the wonder and confusion began.
Am I supposed to know what "Going-to-the-Sun" Road is? I think there might be a better way to express what you're trying to say in this sentence. What is "the wonder and confusion" about? Stating just "going-to-the-sun" road in a national park doesn't really illustrate a connection between people and the environment.
I really like pretty much everything else, though. I think the first paragraph could also use a better transition between your fascination with the relationship between the natural world and humanity and how ingrained it is in your writing. I feel like you are discussing them as two separate things when they really are a part of each other.
Thank you! I wasn't sure if the first sentence would be confusing--Going to the Sun is the name of the road, it's like saying, "Main St" but it's this one particular road. I don't think it's an important detail though, so I'll just rework it.
I really like this. You describe your interests in an engaging manner and in a natural order. I like that you mention specific admiration for delicacy in writing about blunt topics, as presumably this is a skill you hope to further hone in writing classes. (Maybe state that more explicitly?)
I am not a creative writing major by any means, so maybe have a trusted friend look at it too. Both to check for problems AND to see if they think it expresses your personality and voice.
Tighten up the first paragraph. Start by breaking up the first sentence. You're using 36 words when you could use 10. Make a statement. Use a verb. You can use lyrical language in a moment, but start with a declarative statement.
I like this draft SO much better! Good job rewriting. The first sentence is a little clunky, though I do like what you're doing with it. I would just tighten it up a little bit!
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When I stood on the side of the “Going-to-the-Sun” Road in Glacier National Park, my squinted eyes searching for the last glimpses of a massive glacier that has all but melted, the wonder and confusion began.
Am I supposed to know what "Going-to-the-Sun" Road is? I think there might be a better way to express what you're trying to say in this sentence. What is "the wonder and confusion" about? Stating just "going-to-the-sun" road in a national park doesn't really illustrate a connection between people and the environment.
I really like pretty much everything else, though. I think the first paragraph could also use a better transition between your fascination with the relationship between the natural world and humanity and how ingrained it is in your writing. I feel like you are discussing them as two separate things when they really are a part of each other.
Or I could be totally wrong.
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I am not a creative writing major by any means, so maybe have a trusted friend look at it too. Both to check for problems AND to see if they think it expresses your personality and voice.
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Tighten up the first paragraph. Start by breaking up the first sentence. You're using 36 words when you could use 10. Make a statement. Use a verb. You can use lyrical language in a moment, but start with a declarative statement.
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And obviously not everyone is doing creative writing, so take comments with a grain of salt.
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