(no subject)
i haven't updated this in months. funny thing, that.
well the big news is that kevin and i have spent the whole summer together on and off. he's been racing around the country and the world (working on his book in germany, lecturing in canada, visiting old friends in new england), and he's been back to michigan four or five times to see me. this afternoon he left to go back to iowa after staying here for five days, and now i am very very lonely. sadness. and we are continuing to see each other in iowa, but there are discussions that need to be had about the whole situation. it is a little bit complicated, but we're working it out. and kevin is pretty much perfect for me, so we had better be working it out, as far as i'm concerned :)
my parents are not happy about kevin. today my mom (just like the bitch she is . . . she is many wonderful things that i appreciate, but let's not kid ourselves: she is also a world-class bitch and an arrogant tyrant) told me that she thinks kevin is way too old for me but that her concern over his age is at least mitigated by his immaturity. why would a person say that right to my face? what possible motivating force except cruelty could be at work here? i would like her to explain to me what good she thought was going to come from that comment and what she was anticipating i would say to something like that. and believe me, i didn't have any illusions about my parents welcoming kevin with open arms, but i at least expected that they would be both civil and respectful to him and to me. once i already understand that they disapprove (which of course i do understand quite well), i can't see how there's anything else to say on the matter. i've been rather amused, though, to see my mother so threatened by kevin's intellect. she's been playing a dirty little game her whole life of always being one step ahead, and her insurance is that she's surrounded herself with people who can't quite keep up with her. but kevin is extremely brainy, and there's really no way she can deny it. it's just hilarious (and really really infuriating too) how she'll remark sort of condescendingly that kevin knows a lot of trivia. yeah sure, mom.
i do sometimes still wonder how this happened to me. i'm really glad it did happen, but i'm just as aware as anyone how strange it is. he is fourteen years older than i am, and he is a professor, it's true. but he's quite handsome and smart and funny, and we really just get each other. and whenever we go out, i can see how proud he is to be with me. i met one of his former colleagues from way back when he was teaching at the university of michigan, and it just made me so happy to see kevin delighting in showing me off like that. AND to see him showing off not just my youth and my smile but also my brain. this is something that i don't want to give up, whatever the obstacles that stand in our way. and i realize that these obstacles exist; i'm going into this with my eyes open, so no one has to worry too much. but to know that he's choosing me, that he thinks he's lucky to have me, when his whole world of friends and former boyfriends consists of worldly, beautiful, and accomplished princeton or humboldt phds . . . how can i do anything but stay with him?
well the big news is that kevin and i have spent the whole summer together on and off. he's been racing around the country and the world (working on his book in germany, lecturing in canada, visiting old friends in new england), and he's been back to michigan four or five times to see me. this afternoon he left to go back to iowa after staying here for five days, and now i am very very lonely. sadness. and we are continuing to see each other in iowa, but there are discussions that need to be had about the whole situation. it is a little bit complicated, but we're working it out. and kevin is pretty much perfect for me, so we had better be working it out, as far as i'm concerned :)
my parents are not happy about kevin. today my mom (just like the bitch she is . . . she is many wonderful things that i appreciate, but let's not kid ourselves: she is also a world-class bitch and an arrogant tyrant) told me that she thinks kevin is way too old for me but that her concern over his age is at least mitigated by his immaturity. why would a person say that right to my face? what possible motivating force except cruelty could be at work here? i would like her to explain to me what good she thought was going to come from that comment and what she was anticipating i would say to something like that. and believe me, i didn't have any illusions about my parents welcoming kevin with open arms, but i at least expected that they would be both civil and respectful to him and to me. once i already understand that they disapprove (which of course i do understand quite well), i can't see how there's anything else to say on the matter. i've been rather amused, though, to see my mother so threatened by kevin's intellect. she's been playing a dirty little game her whole life of always being one step ahead, and her insurance is that she's surrounded herself with people who can't quite keep up with her. but kevin is extremely brainy, and there's really no way she can deny it. it's just hilarious (and really really infuriating too) how she'll remark sort of condescendingly that kevin knows a lot of trivia. yeah sure, mom.
i do sometimes still wonder how this happened to me. i'm really glad it did happen, but i'm just as aware as anyone how strange it is. he is fourteen years older than i am, and he is a professor, it's true. but he's quite handsome and smart and funny, and we really just get each other. and whenever we go out, i can see how proud he is to be with me. i met one of his former colleagues from way back when he was teaching at the university of michigan, and it just made me so happy to see kevin delighting in showing me off like that. AND to see him showing off not just my youth and my smile but also my brain. this is something that i don't want to give up, whatever the obstacles that stand in our way. and i realize that these obstacles exist; i'm going into this with my eyes open, so no one has to worry too much. but to know that he's choosing me, that he thinks he's lucky to have me, when his whole world of friends and former boyfriends consists of worldly, beautiful, and accomplished princeton or humboldt phds . . . how can i do anything but stay with him?