Take Heart (LJ Idol)
She burst into this world with a shriek and a wail, as the blurry figures held her upside down and the sharp sting of a smack shocked her into consciousness. In her soul she knew that this was not the way she wanted things to start.
She grew and grew, learning about the many wonders in the world, including the tying of shoelaces. She practiced and practiced in secret as she failed time and time again to remember - across, around and through. When at last she succeeded she ran to show her family, only to have the lace slip between her fingers and come undone. This was not how she planned her new talent to be shown to them. In a tantrum she kicked off her shoes and ran to sulk behind a bush in the garden.
On the first day of school, she decided that she would be the cleverest, friendliest and best-at-everything pupil with a uniform that was always neat a tidy. As she went across the road a car drove by and the water kicked up by the tires left tiny brown dots on her crisp white shirt. The tears ran down her cheeks as her mother swiftly lead her by the hand into her new classroom. She would not look up, and refused to sit anywhere but in the back - her punishment for herself and to avoid the laughter of the other children.
In University she did well, studying a subject she was passionate about. She always knew she would come first in the class, but then one young man came ahead of her. She was furious with herself, but the young man spoke kindly to her. They married the following Spring.
She became the perfect wife for him, with a spotless home and one which ran without a hitch. She then decided to become the perfect mother and bring her child strongly, bravely and naturally into the world. When the cut across the soft flesh of her abdomen and pulled the screaming infant from her belly, she felt her heart break into tiny fragments for how she had failed both her husband and her child.
She sank into a deep depression and spent many moons staring out the window in a room which wasn't her own, until she felt she could live with herself once more. Her husband and son came to collect her but she dared not look into their faces which would surely have the look of bitter disappointment on them.
She decided to fully dedicate herself to the care of her husband and son, as penance of her many failings. She would outlive and outlast her husband, so that he should never have to live alone or suffer the loss of his loved one. She would do her best to be all and everything to her son and his young family. And for many seasons this is what she did.
Walking home from shopping one day, she felt the bags drop from her weary hands as a sharp pain surged through her skull. Like the feeling one gets when winded, she felt herself jerked sharply up into the air as she watched her own body drop to the ground amid the scattered contents of the bags. Her life was over and again the guilt, sorrow and shame of failure overwhelmed her once again.
The world began to fade around her and she found herself in a place of light. A beautiful woman, whose face was lined with wrinkles and framed with long silver hair, approached her and embraced her.
"Welcome home" said the woman
As she sank into the womans arms she felt a new sensation. It was a burning rage that welled up inside her from the pit of her being. Her body began to shake.
"Why? Why did I have to fail at all I did? Why did it all happen unlike anything I wanted?" she bellowed, recoiling from the woman's embrace.
The old woman smiled softly and kindly, with unending love in her eyes.
"When you were born, your mother cried with joy and did not let you go once she had you in her arms. When you tried to show your family you shoes, their hearts swelled with pride when they saw you try. At school your friends didn't see the stains, as they too busy worrying about what the new school might have in store for them. In University you found love, and did better than any woman ever had despite coming second in the class.You brought your child safely into the world, even giving up your own dream of how his birth should be in order to ensure his safety. When you were depressed, your family stayed by you, loved you, and were so glad when you came home to them. When you died, your family mourned you but had so many happy memories due to how much your cared for them." said the old woman
The tears poured down her cheeks as the anger faded. Looking back on her life she realised her mistakes - in striving for perfection she had missed the many perfect moments when life had taken an unexpected turn; she had missed the compromises and the silver linings found when her own plans hadn't been achieved.
"But... my life is over now. I can't change anything" she sighed softly
"Yes, that life is over and nothing can be changed" the old woman replied, "but take heart, you have learned so much and this you can take to your next life"
The old woman embraced her again and she closed her eyes. She felt her spirit shift and change as the light grew brighter still. With the words "Take Heart" still echoing in her mind, she open her eyes to find her body small and soft, but locked in the embrace of a woman with tears of joy in her eyes. And she felt happy.
She grew and grew, learning about the many wonders in the world, including the tying of shoelaces. She practiced and practiced in secret as she failed time and time again to remember - across, around and through. When at last she succeeded she ran to show her family, only to have the lace slip between her fingers and come undone. This was not how she planned her new talent to be shown to them. In a tantrum she kicked off her shoes and ran to sulk behind a bush in the garden.
On the first day of school, she decided that she would be the cleverest, friendliest and best-at-everything pupil with a uniform that was always neat a tidy. As she went across the road a car drove by and the water kicked up by the tires left tiny brown dots on her crisp white shirt. The tears ran down her cheeks as her mother swiftly lead her by the hand into her new classroom. She would not look up, and refused to sit anywhere but in the back - her punishment for herself and to avoid the laughter of the other children.
In University she did well, studying a subject she was passionate about. She always knew she would come first in the class, but then one young man came ahead of her. She was furious with herself, but the young man spoke kindly to her. They married the following Spring.
She became the perfect wife for him, with a spotless home and one which ran without a hitch. She then decided to become the perfect mother and bring her child strongly, bravely and naturally into the world. When the cut across the soft flesh of her abdomen and pulled the screaming infant from her belly, she felt her heart break into tiny fragments for how she had failed both her husband and her child.
She sank into a deep depression and spent many moons staring out the window in a room which wasn't her own, until she felt she could live with herself once more. Her husband and son came to collect her but she dared not look into their faces which would surely have the look of bitter disappointment on them.
She decided to fully dedicate herself to the care of her husband and son, as penance of her many failings. She would outlive and outlast her husband, so that he should never have to live alone or suffer the loss of his loved one. She would do her best to be all and everything to her son and his young family. And for many seasons this is what she did.
Walking home from shopping one day, she felt the bags drop from her weary hands as a sharp pain surged through her skull. Like the feeling one gets when winded, she felt herself jerked sharply up into the air as she watched her own body drop to the ground amid the scattered contents of the bags. Her life was over and again the guilt, sorrow and shame of failure overwhelmed her once again.
The world began to fade around her and she found herself in a place of light. A beautiful woman, whose face was lined with wrinkles and framed with long silver hair, approached her and embraced her.
"Welcome home" said the woman
As she sank into the womans arms she felt a new sensation. It was a burning rage that welled up inside her from the pit of her being. Her body began to shake.
"Why? Why did I have to fail at all I did? Why did it all happen unlike anything I wanted?" she bellowed, recoiling from the woman's embrace.
The old woman smiled softly and kindly, with unending love in her eyes.
"When you were born, your mother cried with joy and did not let you go once she had you in her arms. When you tried to show your family you shoes, their hearts swelled with pride when they saw you try. At school your friends didn't see the stains, as they too busy worrying about what the new school might have in store for them. In University you found love, and did better than any woman ever had despite coming second in the class.You brought your child safely into the world, even giving up your own dream of how his birth should be in order to ensure his safety. When you were depressed, your family stayed by you, loved you, and were so glad when you came home to them. When you died, your family mourned you but had so many happy memories due to how much your cared for them." said the old woman
The tears poured down her cheeks as the anger faded. Looking back on her life she realised her mistakes - in striving for perfection she had missed the many perfect moments when life had taken an unexpected turn; she had missed the compromises and the silver linings found when her own plans hadn't been achieved.
"But... my life is over now. I can't change anything" she sighed softly
"Yes, that life is over and nothing can be changed" the old woman replied, "but take heart, you have learned so much and this you can take to your next life"
The old woman embraced her again and she closed her eyes. She felt her spirit shift and change as the light grew brighter still. With the words "Take Heart" still echoing in her mind, she open her eyes to find her body small and soft, but locked in the embrace of a woman with tears of joy in her eyes. And she felt happy.