laying down my thoughts
i'm feeling quite emo today. forgive me if i skip from topic to topic. my thoughts are severely disorganized. whenever i feel this emotional, i usually write it off as a hormonal imbalance of some sort. i suppose it could just be a normal part of life though. i guess i could say i'm almost sad about something, but i don't know what. at work, tom noticed there was something wrong with me right away. i mean, i thought i was acting like my normal self...smiling, laughing, etc. i came up with what i thought was a pretty plausible excuse for whatever i was doing different ("i'm just really tired") but somehow he saw through that. said that i couldn't fool him. i don't know why i was so down today. i couldn't have told him if i wanted to. which i did want to. because we don't keep secrets from each other, and we never lie.
i'm one of those people who believes that just about everything happens for a reason. i was thinking a few minutes ago about how amazing it is, how we form relationships with people all the time, and before we know it our lives are all intertwined. and we hate to admit it, but we can't live without each other. it's incredible actually. unless i faked my death and changed my name and moved to another country, there is no way i could ever untangle myself from this web of people whom i depend on, and who depend on me. even then, i would still have such vivid memories of them.
i think i can safely say that i'm not *in love* with my boyfriend. he's just as selfish as i am. we seem to just use each other to feed our massive egos. and i'm okay with that right now. i know that if he ever slips and falls, and needs someone to love him, he's gonna want me around. i figure, hey, that's alright, that's my job. i'm becky, and i'm here to love the downtrodden. i think i'm actually attracted to guys who have problems. i guess i want to be a hero. like in a movie. i honestly don't know who i'm kidding...
i'm one of those people who believes that just about everything happens for a reason. i was thinking a few minutes ago about how amazing it is, how we form relationships with people all the time, and before we know it our lives are all intertwined. and we hate to admit it, but we can't live without each other. it's incredible actually. unless i faked my death and changed my name and moved to another country, there is no way i could ever untangle myself from this web of people whom i depend on, and who depend on me. even then, i would still have such vivid memories of them.
i think i can safely say that i'm not *in love* with my boyfriend. he's just as selfish as i am. we seem to just use each other to feed our massive egos. and i'm okay with that right now. i know that if he ever slips and falls, and needs someone to love him, he's gonna want me around. i figure, hey, that's alright, that's my job. i'm becky, and i'm here to love the downtrodden. i think i'm actually attracted to guys who have problems. i guess i want to be a hero. like in a movie. i honestly don't know who i'm kidding...