Fic: Don't Lie (Section Six)
“You've been thinking about me all day.” Heero said after falling in step with Duo.
Duo lived only a couple blocks away from Hilde's place. He wasn't in any sort of rush to get home so he was taking his time to make sure he could listen to his surroundings intently. He was about half way to his destination when Heero had spoken and Duo hadn't heard his approach at all; he'd had just been there between one step and the next. He still hadn't seen Heero arrive even though he was awake and ready for it this time; Heero could have flown and touched down beside him or materialized out of nowhere. At least Duo hadn't been startled or shown surprise at Heero's sudden appearance, he felt better about that, “So you read minds now?”
“Your thoughts are particularly loud when they are of me, they are very compelling. I'm not sure I would be able to resist if you called for me.”
“Why are you even telling me this?” Duo asked. He was so used to Heero being taciturn but now, when he really didn't want to know, Heero was volunteering information.
“You asked me not to lie to you; I am honoring your wish.”
Duo snorted.
“Also, I feel you should know that I will not be far away if you need me.”
Duo stopped and turned to face Heero. He said, “Why--” then he cut his own question off, biting his lip. Asking questions increased the chance of answers and too many answers was... not desirable.
“I won't tell you anything you're not ready to hear, I already told you that.” Heero was watching Duo closely.
“You don't know what I'm ready to hear, Heero. You don't know me at all, otherwise you would have skipped town without me.”
Heero's lips quirked up, not enough for Duo to see his fangs, “Perhaps I know you better than you think.”
“OK stop.” Duo said, but resisted the urge to hold out a hand because of Heero's habit of grabbing it. “I will admit that I spent a lot of time thinking about you today, but that is because something very intense happened last night and I'm still processing it. You are making that very difficult, in fact you are complicating my life in ways that I don't appreciate and I really don't want you around me right now.”
“And yet, I am still here.”
Duo glared at him, turned and started walking again. “You can leave any time now.”
“You wish to be mad at me,” Heero said as he fell in step beside him once more.
Duo opened his mouth and then closed it again, that was uncomfortably close to true.
“I understand your reluctance to trust me; I deserve that. I'm only asking for the opportunity to change that.”
“You're asking for a lot more than my trust.”
Heero didn’t respond to that. Duo tried to look at him out of the corner of his eye but Heero’s face seemed shadowed again, he couldn’t get a good look at his expression. Duo sighed, it was so frustrating to be this unsure about everything, every action he could take leading him into a blind spot. How could he possibly avoid the undesirable outcome if he couldn’t see the decisions that lead him there? This was all Heero’s fault, every time he was around Duo’s sense of certainty went right out the window; he was like a walking obfuscation. Maybe if he could get away from Heero -
“Duo.”
Duo didn’t exactly jump at Heero’s voice, but it was a near thing. He did wince though, how had he forgotten so quickly that Heero could hear his thoughts? “Could you not do that? I mean that’s like a huge violation of privacy. I don’t want you in my head.”
“You have misunderstood. I am only here because of you, because you wanted me to be here. And if you try to send me away now, you will surely call me back to you before the night’s end.” Duo opened his mouth to protest but Heero continued, “You have so many questions and yet you refuse to ask them; it’s causing a conflict within you that is very distracting to me. By being here I can offer some relief to us both.”
They were around the corner from G’s house now and Duo definitely didn’t want Heero anywhere near his bedroom again. He stopped and backed up a few steps to lean against a low brick wall. “I really don’t--”
“I am not in your head, Duo, you are in mine.”
“What?” Duo asked, although he was perfectly sure he had heard Heero correctly.
Heero had backed up to stand at Duo’s shoulder, turned slightly towards him so that he could look Duo in the eyes when he spoke. Duo quickly dipped his head and focused his eyes on Heero’s chest, still weary of the effect Heero’s eyes had on him. Heero said, “I am not reading your mind; you are projecting thoughts at me. I hear them as whispers, feelings and impressions; not complete, but enough to understand intent, particularly when you think directly of me which has been frequently today. Every time you think of me I feel the pull of it, even when it is to curse my name. I know some of this is because of your confusion, I wish to ease that burden. Ask your questions Duo, I will answer what I can.”
“I’m not…” Duo rubbed his face, “How is this even possible? I’m not trying to project thoughts at you. I don’t even want to. What did you do? This has got to be your fault.”
Duo could hear the amusement in Heero’s voice. “I have done many things. However, this particular one is not my doing.”
He glared at the center of Heero’s chest, “Oh Bullshit. I’m not projecting thoughts at anyone else. It’s gotta be something you did.”
“I think it more likely that you have been projecting your thoughts for some time and that I am simply the first person you have met with the capacity to hear them.”
“Oh great,” Duo said, leaning back to stare out at the street, “Can't you just... stop listening or something?” Duo said, knowing it was a useless request even as he made it.
“Can you turn off your ability to hear?”
Duo rolled his eyes; of course that was his response.
“I do not wish to stop it. I want you to be able to reach me.”
It was on the tip of Duo’s tongue to ask why; for what reason would Heero even think Duo would want to call him… but of course any answer to that question was undesirable as well.
The situation was maddening; he didn’t want to ask any questions because he didn’t want to hasten his departure, his departure which was inevitable especially because he didn’t want to look for a way to stop it, because that would just make it happened sooner. There was nothing right about this situation, his thoughts circled back to the argument he had just had with his friends; Hilde’s frustration with his unwillingness to look for a way to stop this, the look on Quatre’s face when he’s said Heero understood him.
Quatre’s words came back to him just then, ‘You trust him now? ...you’re taking his advice?’ Quatre’s shock and anger, how Hilde had seemed mad to the point of tears. God they were right! They were both right, what the hell was wrong with him?
Any time he thought about the cause of the problem everything came back to Heero. All the answers, Heero had them; Heero was controlling the information; Heero had all the cards and Duo was letting him get away with it! This murderous stranger he did even know yet he was trusting with all of this power over him how could he have let this happened!
“Who Are You?” the question burst out of him in a furious rush, he hadn’t even intended to say it.
Heero, who had stood there patiently as Duo worked through his inner turmoil, answered simply, “I am Heero Yuy.”
Duo actually growled at that, “That is so not helpful. You are such an asshole. You know that’s not what I meant; I already know your name. Is that supposed to mean something to me, is there some other meaning I’m missing?”
“No,” Heero said, “I suppose not. But that remains the answer to your question.”
Duo rolled his eyes, “Are you trying to tell me I'm asking the wrong questions?”
“No, it means I am Heero Yuy. It is who I've always been and that has never changed.”
“Changed...” Duo mulled on that word for a moment, and then he said, “You mean you changed from what you were?”
“Certainly I've changed, all living things do.”
Duo jumped on that, “So you're alive, living I mean.”
“Obviously,” Heero said, Duo could hear the amusement in his voice again.
That soured Duo's mood a bit, “Yesterday when you left you said you didn't know any Vampires, I thought you were including yourself in the statement, I guess I was right.”
“Well, I may have wanted you to have that impression,” Heero admitted.
“Why?”
“It seemed easier.”
“Easier?” Duo said incredulously, “Easier than what?”
“Easier than telling the truth.”
Duo’s eyes narrowed at that, “I don’t like being lied to.”
“And now that I know it is important to you I have stopped doing so.”
Duo rolled his eyes, “No one likes being lied to, that’s a pretty solid assumption.”
“I… don’t think that is accurate.” Heero hesitated, weighing his words, “Most people seem to prefer a lie, if the truth is undesirable.”
Duo wasn’t quite sure if Heero had meant to direct that at him but he sure enough felt the sting of the comment; after all, Duo had been pretty quick to back off of this 'truth' fascination once he figured out he had something to lose. “Well, was it undesirable? The truth you've been avoiding telling me?”
“It's...complicated.” Heero answered clear hesitation in his tone.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I am reluctant to get into the details because it has something to do with why I came here.”
“I thought you came here for me,” Duo said, risking a glance at Heero's face.
“No,” Heero answered, watching Duo intently.
That surprised Duo, he looked away quickly. Heero and he had been supposed to meet, he was sure of that. Their meeting on Halloween had that same sort of fixed-in-time feeling as their leaving together, maybe not as strong, but it was there. Duo had just assumed that since they were supposed meet, Heero had come to meet him.
“I did not come here for you, I’m staying because of you,” Heero elaborated.
“But you’re not staying. You’re planning on leaving and you want me to go with you.”
“We will both need to leave,” Heero confirmed. “What I am… It has something to do with why I came here and why we will leave. Let it rest for now, we will discuss it at another time.”
Duo shivered slightly. It was early November, the weather was still temperate but it was night and the temperature had been dropping slowly the entire time they'd been talking.
“You should be inside. I-- ”
Duo shook his head and interrupted, “No way are you getting out of this conversation you didn't even answer any questions.”
“That was not my intention. I simply meant it is getting colder and it would be more comfortable indoors. I am not attempting to avoid the topic, I will continue this conversation with you however I was under the distinct impression you did not want me to follow you home.--”
“Ya think?”
Heero continued as if Duo hadn't spoken, “However, if you prefer we can instead go where I have taken shelter.”
Duo burst out laughing, “No way in hell am I spending the night with you.”
“What?”
“Oh please, you wanna take me back to your place? Really? Nice try.”
“Ah, no.” Heero said, catching onto Duo's meaning. “It's just a place to take shelter from the elements. It has no real amenities to speak of, not even a bed. It is certainly not a place I would take you for intimacy.”
“It's really more of being alone with you.”
“Duo,” Heero said, smoothly turning to step in front of him and tilted his chin up to lock eyes, “We are alone right now.”
Duo gasped, heart racing suddenly; Heero was so close and beautiful and not even inches away and all he wanted was for Heero to kiss him, kiss him 'Kiss Me!'
But Heero didn't. He twitched at that last thought but made no further move. As that moment stretched out Duo realized Heero was going to wait it out. It was going to be up to Duo to either close that final distance or push him away.
“Stop,” Duo said quietly, whispered.
Instantly Heero was away from him; a perfect three feet of personal space like Heero almost kissing him had been a figment of his imagination.
Duo shuddered, took a deep steadying breath to try to calm down, then looked at Heero, “What was that?” He said, carefully keeping the accusation out of his tone.
“You wanted me to kiss you,” Heero answered calmly, he looked unruffled but there was something about his posture that was untruthful. Duo could see the lie but he didn't understand what the lie was.
“You wanted to kiss me,” Duo argued, mentally scrambling to get a hold of himself and an understanding of the situation.
“I did,” Heero agreed.
“Then what--”
“You wanted me to kiss you but I wanted you to kiss me more.”
“Ok? So why didn't we kiss just now?” Duo asked, feeling more and more weird-ed out that he could see truth in posture which... what? Since when had he been able to do that?
Heero smiled, it was self-depreciating and totally honest; Duo had to look away from him. Heero said, “You're still under the impression that I can make you do something you don't want to, that has never been true. The reverse however, is very evident.”
“What? Are you trying to tell me I can make you do things?”
“We should continue this conversation inside,” Heero said instead of answering.
“Oh my God! Stop avoiding answers!” Duo glared at Heero's chest again, “I don't care about the weather; it's not bothering me and I've never so much as had a runny nose. Just answer the question! Did you just say I have control over you?”
“Yes; in a way.”
“In what way? I can't... I've never... I don't even know how to cast a Suggestion, or any spell for that matter.”
“Not a Suggestion, you have me Charmed,” Heero corrected.
Duo could hear the capital letter and realized that Heero wasn't calling him charming but actually naming something Duo had done to him. But he still didn't understand, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you have me at a disadvantage, but its fine. I believe it will make things easier, except in situations like we were just in.”
“Ok, no. That's totally not an answer. Go back to the part where I can make You do things?”
“You have me Charmed,” Heero repeated, “It means I am susceptible to your will and your desires, I can not harm you unless it is to defend my life. You can order me to action and I will obey.”
“I...” Duo said, momentarily struck speechless, “How...?”
“It was the result of taking your blood.”
“Riiiight. Well, assuming I believe any of this,” he said, tone heavily implying he did not, “If I wanted you to kiss me and you have to follow my orders or whatever, why didn't you kiss me?”
“You did not give me an order. I am susceptible to your will but I can disobey even a direct order if I believe it harmful or against my best interest.”
That stung a bit in a way he couldn't define, hearing Heero imply kissing him would be against his best interest. “But you did want to kiss me, right?” And then wanted to kick himself for how insecure and needy that had sounded, he wasn't even supposed to want to kiss Heero in the first place.
“If I had kissed you, then what would have happened?”
The question startled Duo out of his self-recriminations. “Ah, we would have kissed?” he answered logically.
“After that?”
“Uh, I wasn't thinking that far ahead,” Duo admitted.
“I was. Or more specifically I was thinking back to the last time we kissed. Do you remember what you said after that?” Heero asked patiently.
“I-,” Duo thought about it for a moment, “I apologized. Heero, I kissed you yesterday too.”
“You did,” Heero agreed, “And you said it was a mistake and you had a girlfriend. If I had kissed you after you told me that you would have correctly assumed I am forcing you into these situations and taking advantage of you.”
“How could that be true if I’m the one making you do things?”
“You are not forcing us into these situations, I am. It's not intentional but it will continue happening incidentally simply by being close to you. If it were just a matter of my attraction to you, I might have the strength of character to honor your wish to be left alone, but there is more than that at stake. And I would be taking advantage of you if I used these situations to disregard your wishes and force myself on you.
“Oh,” was all Duo could say to that.
“I do want you, but not at the cost of your trust, which I have already damaged. So if anything is to happen between us it will be your doing and not by an accident or misunderstanding.”
“I wouldn't hold my breath for that if I were you.” Duo said, crossing his arms. “My life is not some cheap Romance novel; I'm not going to throw myself at you just because you're cute. In fact I'm still kinda sore about you ripping my throat out. I will admit that I am very attracted to you, but that's about your least important quality right now.”
“If that's the way you truly feel about it I will accept that. But I am willing to bet you will change your mind, you are the one projecting thoughts at me after all. And,” Heero paused then, Duo look up to see the small sly looking smile cross his face, “there is the fact our very natures draw us together, I need only to wait.”
“Gah,” Duo said, disgusted, “You're such an asshole, you know that?”
Heero nodded solemnly, “So you've said. I never said I was a good guy, but I did tell you this would be unfair to you.”
Duo sighed, “You did say that.”
“I promise I'm not putting you through this for my amusement.”
“Really? Why are you putting me through this then? What's your reason?” Duo gave Heero an expectant look.
Heero stared back at him for a long moment, clear evaluative look in his expression. Just when Duo thought Heero was going to blow off the question, Heero said, “To save you.”
Again, Duo was struck by that same sense of vertigo; That dizzying sensation of overwhelming Truth and how it again synced into the prophecy. Again it triggered a vision, but this time it instead of clarity it was blank. Gray space, gray time, most troubling of all was that he could not even get a sense of himself within the vision. He could always tell how his vision affected him before, even if he was not in the vision itself, this time there was nothing.
“What the Hell?” Duo said as he fell back into himself.
“Are you alright?” Heero said taking a step closer since he had jumped back from their near kiss, concern written all over him.
“No, I'm not alright.” Duo said, bewildered and outraged. “What the Hell? What are you supposed to save me from?”
Heero stopped his advance and shook his head. “No. It's not time for you to know that yet.”
That only increased Duo's outrage. He took a step forward, and in his sternest tone said, “Heero--”
“DO NOT!” Heero roared, made all the more frightening by his bared fangs and glowing eyes as all the times he had bitten Duo before.
Duo shrank back from him; retreat hampered by the low brick wall a step away.
Heero took a deep shuddering breath and the glow faded from his eyes, but his fangs remained. He said, “Do not order me to tell you this thing now. To inform you of the source will bring the danger down on you all the more quickly and you are not ready. I believe you are in no danger now, I will tell you when it is time if you have not figured it out on your own by then. Let it go.”
Duo didn't react, just continued to stare at Heero wide-eyed and pressed back as far as he could.
Heero sighed. He stepped back to his previous distance, sat down on the ground, folded his legs and rolled his shoulder to appear as small as possible, stared at the ground and waited.
After about a minute of neither of them moving, finally Duo blinked and said, “What are you doing?”
Heero sat up straight and looked at him, “I... Feared you. I apologize; that had not been my intention.”
“Ok,” Duo said unsteadily as he felt all his muscles unclench. This conversation was really taking a toll on him; he was unused to experiencing so many emotions like this. Usually his ability let him pick up on beats of conversations to the point he was able to steer discussions, even as far as ending them early because he'd already known the outcomes. All the uncertainty that Heero caused made every aspect of speaking with him a revelation; it was exhausting.
“Did you at least hear what I said?” Heero asked.
“Uh, don't ask about the thing?” He said yawning hugely.
Heero nodded and stood up. “You should...” he paused, noticeably changing tact and said, “You should go home and rest. We can continue this conversation tomorrow.”
Duo's eyes narrowed in suspicion, “That...wasn't what you were about to say.”
Heero's lips quirked to what looked very much like a self-depreciating smile before smoothing out back to his more usual expression. He said, “It was impertinent, I thought it best not to say.”
“Right, and I suppose there's no point in asking you to say it anyway.”
“It would defeat the purpose of avoiding it in the first place,” Heero agreed.
Duo sighed dramatically, weary beyond the telling of it, “Can I ask about something else instead?”
“Ask whatever you want, Duo. I will answer everything I can, within the bounds of what you can know. Just, remember there are some questions I will not answer.”
“Right. Well... you said you aren't a Vampire but um... what's up with the fangs and eyes and blood lust you got going on?”
“I do not have a blood lust.”
“Ok? I mean, I kind of figured it was part of your... cover? when you were totally lying about being a vampire, but you totally just did it again. If that wasn't a blood lust then what was whatever-you-want-to-call-it?”
“Sometimes I manifest involuntarily. It’s… I never actually drank your blood.” Heero said eventually, again noticeably changing what he had been about to say.
Duo had been ready to trying to make Heero explain what he had meant about ‘involuntarily’ but was sidetracked by the change in topic, “What? Excuse you; I was there all three times.”
“I only bit you twice.”
“Heero,” Duo said each word slowly and distinctly to demonstrate just little he cared about the semantics, “you cut my stitches with your teeth.”
Heero nodded his head in concession, “It was an ostentatious display. In my defense, I was still maintaining the rouse at the time.”
“And why was that?” Duo asked crossing his arms. “You don't want to tell me why you came, fine, but can you at least tell me what made you pick a vampire of all things?”
“I never said I was a vampire; that was something you decided.”
Duo groaned,”Oh, I did do that didn't I? Well, what was I supposed to think with the fangs and the blood sucking”
Heero looked at Duo curiously, he said “You weren't supposed to think anything.”
“You know,” Duo said, totally unamused, “You should probably stop reminding me you nearly killed me at every turn. Not that I'll forget, but it's almost like you're rubbing it in at this point.”
“No lies between us,” Heero reminded him calmly,
“Oh yeah? Lying by omission? Ring any bells?”
“I want to tell you everything and I will, but--”
“'Not until you're ready,'” Duo mocked Heero with a roll of his eyes.
“You know why I'm doing this.”
“What? To 'save' me? The only thing around here threatening to my life is you,” Duo pushed away from the from the low brick wall and started walking away.
Even as Duo walked away, Heero made no move to stop him. Instead, in a conversational tone he said, “I sought you out with every intention of killing you, but from the moment I laid eyes on you my instinct was to stay my hand. Ignored it; I was on a mission and no sudden reluctance would sway me from my course.”
Duo sighed at himself, exasperated by how Heero always managed to get him to come back. He wasn't quite ready to turn back, but he stopped to listen to the rest.
Heero continued, “It wasn't until I bit you that I realized my mistake and by then it was almost too late I tried to heal you, I did what I could and when it wasn't enough I took carried you back to the party and arranged for that girl to find you, but I tried to kill you, Duo. I'm not trying to hide that fact, I want there to be understanding between us, trust. If that means you need the truth from me then you will have it all.” Heero moved closer Duo then, placing a careful hand on Duo's shoulder, “I'm not going to tell you everything now, I think it's too dangerous and there is still more that I need discover about the full situation. I'm not going to harm you again, I'm going to do everything that I can to keep you safe.”
Duo had jumped slightly when Heero had touched him, startled because he hadn't heard Heero move and still thought he was several feet away. He'd turned slightly to glare at Heero so he happened to be looking right at him and could see exact how earnest Heero was been at the moment, or at least that's how it seemed. Duo turned to fully face him, crossing his arms across his chest to maintain the distance. “Don't you think,” he said a little frostily, “It would be easier for me to avoid danger if I knew what the supposed “danger” was in the first place?”
“I do not.”
Duo's sigh clearly telegraphed his disgust with that answer, ”No, of course you don't.”
“I want your trust, I'm willing to earn it. Right now, I ask for patience. Pa-”
Duo started laughing and Heero fell silent. Duo laughed until he was almost gasping for breath before calming enough to say, “In the spirit of this “truth and honesty” we're supposed to be fostering, I think you should know that I can sense the future.”
Heero blinked at him, apparently startled.
“I can believe I'm going to leave with you because I've seen it, I can even believe you'll manage to earn some measure of my trust, but believe me patience is not something I'm all that familiar with. And Heero,” he said, still amused but bitter and mean about it, “you might as well tell me everything right now. We don't have time for your games of intrigue, the danger will occur much sooner than you think.”
Happy Halloween!