(arashi) sizzler: setting the standards in cleanliness since 1958
Genre: Crack
Rating: G
Notes: This is complete and utter stupidity. I've just started working at Sizzler and well, I had to fill out a booklet with images of bacteria!Arashi filling my head. So my sister asked for me to write bacteria!Arashi, and this is the idiocy that came out of it.
It was weird waking up to find four Aibas sitting around him, Nino decided. He quirked an eyebrow curiously, opening his mouth to speak but one of the Aibas beat him to it.
“Just forty minutes!” he chirped, nodding to the other Aibas.
“You're probably infected now too,” another continued, “Just wait a few more minutes, you'll see.”
Nino blinked a few times. “What?”
“Bacteria!” the third Aiba exclaimed. “Did you know that in just five hours under the correct conditions, one bacteria will have multiplied into 32768 bacteria? There's already about sixteen of Jun sitting out in the living room. And eight of Ohno-”
“No one's been able to locate Sho yet though,” a different Aiba cut in. “Jun C's guess is he's fled the scene.”
“J-Jun C?” Nino spluttered, rubbing furiously at his forehead.
The Aiba in the corner piped up, “We gave them letters. We'll run out soon if he keeps multiplying though. Maybe we'll give them double letters.”
“Anyway,” the first Aiba butted back in angrily, “We came to ask if you wanted breakfast. You should eat fast before you multiply. We're strained for food as it is.”
Nodding, Nino stood up, still pressing circles into his temples. Coming to terms with multiple copies of his band mates was not something he found himself having to do on a daily basis. He followed the Aibas out into the kitchen where he was met with two quarrelling Juns over who would make the pancake mix.
“This is already the fifth time!” the first Jun complained, throwing his hands up in the air. “I'm not doing it again!” He forced the mixing spoon into the other Jun's hand and stormed off.
The mixing spoon laden Jun spun around to see the Aibas and Nino as they arrived. Face lighting up, he threw the spoon to an Aiba, “Your turn,” and ran off to join the rest of the Juns and the eight Ohnos around the TV set.
“The one that walked off first was Jun D,” one Aiba explained. “Apparently he's more testy than the rest. Who knows why. Anyway, you go join them. We'll make more breakfast.”
The Aibas nodded and clapped, shooing Nino away into the living room. He stumbled in, overwhelmed by the abnormally large amount of Jun and Ohno crowding around; he could barely even see the television anyway!
“So why…” Nino trailed off, unsure of how to word the question. “Why is everyone bacteria?”
“Not sure,” chorused a few of the Juns and a large amount of the Ohnos shrugged, while the rest of them continued to stare unblinkingly at the TV.
Nino sighed, and shoved a few of the bodies aside (ignoring their grunts of discontent) so he could sit down on the floor. This was just getting ridiculous. Before he could sit down however, a wave of nausea hit him, and he doubled over, hands on his stomach.
A Juns eyes widened as he watched on. “Aiba!” he screamed. “He's multiplying!”
Nino's head swam as a shiver gathered around his shoulders and ran down his spine. One of the Aibas sprinted in and forced some freshly baked pancake into his mouth with tongs, the heat of the pancake stinging the back of Nino’s throat as he swallowed it.
The Aiba sighed and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “That'll keep him a bit less peckish. For a little while anyway,” he said, and then made his way back into the kitchen.
Nino slumped to the floor, vision blurred and head pounding. His body twitched violently for all of three seconds and then nothing. “Huh?” He stood up and swivelled around, coming face-to-face with himself. Really, it was all he could do to not scream.
Then suddenly all of the Ohnos keeled over and Nino couldn't help but squeak.
“Make room!” three of the Juns called out in perfect sync, as everyone started to huddle further into the corners of the room, allowing for the Ohnos to spread out.
Once they had completed doubling and there was a nice even number of sixteen Ohnos staring blankly at the room around them, Sho burst through the door clad in a complete astronaut suit, fly swatter in one hand and insect spray in the other. (Nino guessed they were for effect. Or at least he hoped so. He coughed lightly).
“If I stick you all in a temperature of about 70 degrees Celsius or higher, you'll start to slowly die off!” Sho announced, grin spread from ear to ear. “I was just reading the Occupational Hygiene Workshop Booklet for Sizzler and apparently it should work!” he continued proudly.
“But won't the real ones die too then?” Aiba called from the kitchen, plucking a few stray pieces of pancake from his neighbouring Aiba's sleeve and popping them in his mouth.
“I don't know! But maybe it will just kill whatever is making you bacteria or… something,” Sho finished dumbly.
“Might as well try it,” Nino shrugged, trying to ignore the multiple Ohnos surrounding him, eyebrows creased in worry.
After they all spoke their agreement, Sho led them out in rows of two down the street and to a large factory building. “They have a giant oven here. I guess you should make sure that when the others die off, the original you gets out quickly…” he said, only just realising the potential harm. “So I've asked to borrow it for now anyway. Apparently this has happened before.”
“Anyone die?” Nino questioned before his copy had the chance to.
“Just once. But every other time was fine!” he quickly finished. “Just get in quickly before you multiply again.”
They filed in, fear evident on their faces, and cringed as the heat hit them all instantly. The clones all started to dissolve slowly and just as Nino was beginning to think he couldn't take it anymore, they all disappeared completely and the four originals rushed out.
“So how do we know if we're still infected or not?” Jun asked, fanning himself. “And take that damn suit off! It's making me hotter!” he yelled at Sho.
“Just wait. If you multiply, you're still infected. You should be fine though.” He started to pull apart the astronaut suit around him, making sure to cover his mouth and nose with his hand when the head part had come off.
They waited and waited for at least an hour, but nothing happened.
“Yay!” Aiba squealed, jumping on Sho and squeezing him around the stomach. “We can go home!”
“It's your fault we got stuck in this mess anyway,” Ohno grumbled under his breath, but it didn't go unheard.
The other members heads snapped around, surprised at the outburst, but also curious.
“W-well,” Ohno stuttered, “you're the one who decided to eat at Sizzler last night.”
Nino laughed, ruffling Ohno's hair as Aiba tried to avoid Jun's sudden glare. “Drinks anyone?”
Rating: G
Notes: This is complete and utter stupidity. I've just started working at Sizzler and well, I had to fill out a booklet with images of bacteria!Arashi filling my head. So my sister asked for me to write bacteria!Arashi, and this is the idiocy that came out of it.
It was weird waking up to find four Aibas sitting around him, Nino decided. He quirked an eyebrow curiously, opening his mouth to speak but one of the Aibas beat him to it.
“Just forty minutes!” he chirped, nodding to the other Aibas.
“You're probably infected now too,” another continued, “Just wait a few more minutes, you'll see.”
Nino blinked a few times. “What?”
“Bacteria!” the third Aiba exclaimed. “Did you know that in just five hours under the correct conditions, one bacteria will have multiplied into 32768 bacteria? There's already about sixteen of Jun sitting out in the living room. And eight of Ohno-”
“No one's been able to locate Sho yet though,” a different Aiba cut in. “Jun C's guess is he's fled the scene.”
“J-Jun C?” Nino spluttered, rubbing furiously at his forehead.
The Aiba in the corner piped up, “We gave them letters. We'll run out soon if he keeps multiplying though. Maybe we'll give them double letters.”
“Anyway,” the first Aiba butted back in angrily, “We came to ask if you wanted breakfast. You should eat fast before you multiply. We're strained for food as it is.”
Nodding, Nino stood up, still pressing circles into his temples. Coming to terms with multiple copies of his band mates was not something he found himself having to do on a daily basis. He followed the Aibas out into the kitchen where he was met with two quarrelling Juns over who would make the pancake mix.
“This is already the fifth time!” the first Jun complained, throwing his hands up in the air. “I'm not doing it again!” He forced the mixing spoon into the other Jun's hand and stormed off.
The mixing spoon laden Jun spun around to see the Aibas and Nino as they arrived. Face lighting up, he threw the spoon to an Aiba, “Your turn,” and ran off to join the rest of the Juns and the eight Ohnos around the TV set.
“The one that walked off first was Jun D,” one Aiba explained. “Apparently he's more testy than the rest. Who knows why. Anyway, you go join them. We'll make more breakfast.”
The Aibas nodded and clapped, shooing Nino away into the living room. He stumbled in, overwhelmed by the abnormally large amount of Jun and Ohno crowding around; he could barely even see the television anyway!
“So why…” Nino trailed off, unsure of how to word the question. “Why is everyone bacteria?”
“Not sure,” chorused a few of the Juns and a large amount of the Ohnos shrugged, while the rest of them continued to stare unblinkingly at the TV.
Nino sighed, and shoved a few of the bodies aside (ignoring their grunts of discontent) so he could sit down on the floor. This was just getting ridiculous. Before he could sit down however, a wave of nausea hit him, and he doubled over, hands on his stomach.
A Juns eyes widened as he watched on. “Aiba!” he screamed. “He's multiplying!”
Nino's head swam as a shiver gathered around his shoulders and ran down his spine. One of the Aibas sprinted in and forced some freshly baked pancake into his mouth with tongs, the heat of the pancake stinging the back of Nino’s throat as he swallowed it.
The Aiba sighed and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “That'll keep him a bit less peckish. For a little while anyway,” he said, and then made his way back into the kitchen.
Nino slumped to the floor, vision blurred and head pounding. His body twitched violently for all of three seconds and then nothing. “Huh?” He stood up and swivelled around, coming face-to-face with himself. Really, it was all he could do to not scream.
Then suddenly all of the Ohnos keeled over and Nino couldn't help but squeak.
“Make room!” three of the Juns called out in perfect sync, as everyone started to huddle further into the corners of the room, allowing for the Ohnos to spread out.
Once they had completed doubling and there was a nice even number of sixteen Ohnos staring blankly at the room around them, Sho burst through the door clad in a complete astronaut suit, fly swatter in one hand and insect spray in the other. (Nino guessed they were for effect. Or at least he hoped so. He coughed lightly).
“If I stick you all in a temperature of about 70 degrees Celsius or higher, you'll start to slowly die off!” Sho announced, grin spread from ear to ear. “I was just reading the Occupational Hygiene Workshop Booklet for Sizzler and apparently it should work!” he continued proudly.
“But won't the real ones die too then?” Aiba called from the kitchen, plucking a few stray pieces of pancake from his neighbouring Aiba's sleeve and popping them in his mouth.
“I don't know! But maybe it will just kill whatever is making you bacteria or… something,” Sho finished dumbly.
“Might as well try it,” Nino shrugged, trying to ignore the multiple Ohnos surrounding him, eyebrows creased in worry.
After they all spoke their agreement, Sho led them out in rows of two down the street and to a large factory building. “They have a giant oven here. I guess you should make sure that when the others die off, the original you gets out quickly…” he said, only just realising the potential harm. “So I've asked to borrow it for now anyway. Apparently this has happened before.”
“Anyone die?” Nino questioned before his copy had the chance to.
“Just once. But every other time was fine!” he quickly finished. “Just get in quickly before you multiply again.”
They filed in, fear evident on their faces, and cringed as the heat hit them all instantly. The clones all started to dissolve slowly and just as Nino was beginning to think he couldn't take it anymore, they all disappeared completely and the four originals rushed out.
“So how do we know if we're still infected or not?” Jun asked, fanning himself. “And take that damn suit off! It's making me hotter!” he yelled at Sho.
“Just wait. If you multiply, you're still infected. You should be fine though.” He started to pull apart the astronaut suit around him, making sure to cover his mouth and nose with his hand when the head part had come off.
They waited and waited for at least an hour, but nothing happened.
“Yay!” Aiba squealed, jumping on Sho and squeezing him around the stomach. “We can go home!”
“It's your fault we got stuck in this mess anyway,” Ohno grumbled under his breath, but it didn't go unheard.
The other members heads snapped around, surprised at the outburst, but also curious.
“W-well,” Ohno stuttered, “you're the one who decided to eat at Sizzler last night.”
Nino laughed, ruffling Ohno's hair as Aiba tried to avoid Jun's sudden glare. “Drinks anyone?”