it cancels out the day
& so, after a year and however many months, it's over.
he calls at 5:30. says hello & i say hello. he has a tone in his voice in which i know, i just know.
"i've been thinking i want to take a break." his words are like ice against my heart. his words are foreign, another language, which doesn't make any sense.
we talk. things are said. words don't matter at all for the first time in a million years. he says things i never though would come from his mouth. he tells me goodbye over the phone line.
"goodbye kitten, i love you."
maybe those aren't exact. they could be tiwsted around. either way it's the same equivalent. it's over & there's nothing i can do.
i don't understand. i don't expect this. my sobs break like uneven windchimes. you used to twinkle them just so.
"fuck you," i say, because there's nothing more. I am not your kitten anymore. not if you're saying goodbye, in this way. i am not your kitten or your lover. i am a girl, with a broken heart, & a fat heart-shaped face, broken by mascara coated tears.
he left me & that is all. this calls for a million new years resolutions & a million fucking tears. goodbye kitten, he says, & that's all, & i'm expected to understand.
i'm drunk & i can't see the screen. i write him things i won't wsend because he won't understand. my tears make everything watercolor, i hate watwer co;lor.
it's new years eve. i don't have th e boy i love anymore. & i can do nothing... i can do nothing but cry.
god please help me get throgu this holiday, god please let me get through this day. this night. i cancelled out hotel room, with the beautiful bed & the stereo. i cancelled the room with the bathroom that was all ours & i bought a bottle of liquor instead to wash you away.
but you're still here.
(please let me die.)
ThE TRUTH IS: i can't wirte anymkore, mnot to you. i am wasted/ i cant wriote klmnowing what i know. i cant right now. if hyou want want want to talk to me i'm availabel at ashtray@deathbloom.org. right now, right now i camt do this. not now
he calls at 5:30. says hello & i say hello. he has a tone in his voice in which i know, i just know.
"i've been thinking i want to take a break." his words are like ice against my heart. his words are foreign, another language, which doesn't make any sense.
we talk. things are said. words don't matter at all for the first time in a million years. he says things i never though would come from his mouth. he tells me goodbye over the phone line.
"goodbye kitten, i love you."
maybe those aren't exact. they could be tiwsted around. either way it's the same equivalent. it's over & there's nothing i can do.
i don't understand. i don't expect this. my sobs break like uneven windchimes. you used to twinkle them just so.
"fuck you," i say, because there's nothing more. I am not your kitten anymore. not if you're saying goodbye, in this way. i am not your kitten or your lover. i am a girl, with a broken heart, & a fat heart-shaped face, broken by mascara coated tears.
he left me & that is all. this calls for a million new years resolutions & a million fucking tears. goodbye kitten, he says, & that's all, & i'm expected to understand.
i'm drunk & i can't see the screen. i write him things i won't wsend because he won't understand. my tears make everything watercolor, i hate watwer co;lor.
it's new years eve. i don't have th e boy i love anymore. & i can do nothing... i can do nothing but cry.
god please help me get throgu this holiday, god please let me get through this day. this night. i cancelled out hotel room, with the beautiful bed & the stereo. i cancelled the room with the bathroom that was all ours & i bought a bottle of liquor instead to wash you away.
but you're still here.
(please let me die.)
ThE TRUTH IS: i can't wirte anymkore, mnot to you. i am wasted/ i cant wriote klmnowing what i know. i cant right now. if hyou want want want to talk to me i'm availabel at ashtray@deathbloom.org. right now, right now i camt do this. not now