Jul 21, 2012 09:56
Halfway through my internship and the ups and downs can sometimes be quite draining, but day by day, the things I learn, the people I talked to, make me feel like options are wide and abundant in the working society, the only thing is, what do I truly want?
So anyway, been back being quite a loner because somehow I forgot how to socialise properly anymore. Everything seems so superficial and just on the surface level, you smile at people, talk to them for a bit, and then honestly, you dont really put them in your heart like you used to when you are younger. They are then chunked out and being categorised into "charismatic" or "non-charismatic"; "useful" or "useless". You only talk to the preferred categories. Kinda disgusting huh? My pessimistic view on human nature has just taken a dive deep down into the hell of no return. What are we humans really? Just a bunch of idiots trying to make themselves feel better by being nice to other people. Altruism is bullshit.
Of course, as usual, this is just one of those moments when I lament about life and then reading back, I might not even agree with what I said in the first place. But then again, preciously because of the internet, self-censorship has been brought up to a new level. You can never be that extreme and have to tone down in case of any backlash. World is changing, and so are we. I dont know about you, but I feel like we are becoming more heartless and cold as a society as a whole.
I came up here in the first place, merely to write about a simple fact. Somehow it turned to this usual angst and rejected view on life. What is this? This is not supposed to be a jaded post kinda thing.
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Everyday I meet new people. More specifically, I admire the pretty girls, then find out how mean they can be; I observe little details about men and what they have to say, and everyday, people around me just tells me with the way they act, that I have found the best boyfriend in my life. What can I say? I just feel like I am truly lucky. He might probably think this is a big statement, too big to be shouldered, but love is like that isnt it? You love this person so much, that everyone else pales in comparison. Love is a kinda drug. I think I have told myself many times that if I ever make the both of us withstand such a long distance relationship again, then I probably do not deserve such love in the first place. Emotions rule before a lot of things in my world. In fact, almost everything. I am just fortunate that Will is able to shoulder the flood of emotions I shower on him everyday, even through skype. It's not easy being with me sometimes, and I know it. Trying to change for the better though, but the end results are for my friends to say. I think about my teenage friends, who are still so close to my heart, maybe they can tell me when I get back to Singapore.
I need to keep telling myself that things can only be better.
Things can only be better.