Sigh, no updates in a while
I seem to be not updating much nowadays. I'm not sure why, but meh.
September seems to have just disappeared. It felt like yesterday I was all hyped up about House and Bionic Woman and Private Practice (mmm addison) season premieres, but...now it's like okay, meh, back to regular scheduling...and classes started..well, whatever. Plus, I don't know what to do about the college thing. Some of the applications are due soon enough that I have to get started now to submit in time, while others are due in a few months and I can slack off a bit. But..I don't even know where I want to go, or what I want to really do, but I have to make some sort of decision cause I can't just be undecided and unmotivated to do anything as a transfer student. As much as I love CS it's just..annoying...it's something I couldn't do as a career, it's just not happening. It's like you have to wonder if all those people out there are actually satisfied with where they are and what they do. And you talk to people you randomly meet and maybe befriend, and you can't help but note that their life and their career sounds boring as hell, but they had your dream job, so it's sort of a brainfuck cause you don't want to end up in a shithole you regret that you once thought was a dream job. I mean, some of my friends/acquaintances work at some of the most notable companies in their respective industries...or these huge fortune 500s doing all these things you once were interested in. But it's like, holy fuck I don't even want to think about doing that kind of thing cause they sound fucking miserable most of the time. And you know, name anything. Sysadmins, developers in every language for everything imaginable, security researchers...even retail and repair...all so unappealing.
So that's my dilemma. I love doing this stuff on the side for fun, I love learning all of it...but it's just something I don't want to do for a huge part of my life. But there's really nothing else I'd like to do more. So it's like I'm stuck with something I fucking hate but I hate it the least out of everything so far.
That is, except opening an ice cream and a..ahem, adult-themed shop together, but they don't really go well together :p Plus a lot of people doing these kinds of things usually don't do it as their "primary" source of income..that being some sort of job, even if the job doesn't bring in as much money. So it's like, arg. And well, I've come this far and I don't exactly want to throw it all away, and I sort of want to finish, but I can't finish without knowing what I'm trying to finish.
Shit, stupid dilemma.
September seems to have just disappeared. It felt like yesterday I was all hyped up about House and Bionic Woman and Private Practice (mmm addison) season premieres, but...now it's like okay, meh, back to regular scheduling...and classes started..well, whatever. Plus, I don't know what to do about the college thing. Some of the applications are due soon enough that I have to get started now to submit in time, while others are due in a few months and I can slack off a bit. But..I don't even know where I want to go, or what I want to really do, but I have to make some sort of decision cause I can't just be undecided and unmotivated to do anything as a transfer student. As much as I love CS it's just..annoying...it's something I couldn't do as a career, it's just not happening. It's like you have to wonder if all those people out there are actually satisfied with where they are and what they do. And you talk to people you randomly meet and maybe befriend, and you can't help but note that their life and their career sounds boring as hell, but they had your dream job, so it's sort of a brainfuck cause you don't want to end up in a shithole you regret that you once thought was a dream job. I mean, some of my friends/acquaintances work at some of the most notable companies in their respective industries...or these huge fortune 500s doing all these things you once were interested in. But it's like, holy fuck I don't even want to think about doing that kind of thing cause they sound fucking miserable most of the time. And you know, name anything. Sysadmins, developers in every language for everything imaginable, security researchers...even retail and repair...all so unappealing.
So that's my dilemma. I love doing this stuff on the side for fun, I love learning all of it...but it's just something I don't want to do for a huge part of my life. But there's really nothing else I'd like to do more. So it's like I'm stuck with something I fucking hate but I hate it the least out of everything so far.
That is, except opening an ice cream and a..ahem, adult-themed shop together, but they don't really go well together :p Plus a lot of people doing these kinds of things usually don't do it as their "primary" source of income..that being some sort of job, even if the job doesn't bring in as much money. So it's like, arg. And well, I've come this far and I don't exactly want to throw it all away, and I sort of want to finish, but I can't finish without knowing what I'm trying to finish.
Shit, stupid dilemma.