I love my guy friends
I talked to samantha today!!! she's having withdrawals from me =D AWESOME! I have to go visit her someday soon. party hard wif her.
On other note, it sucks hearing people ask why anyone would cheat on me and all that jazz. it really affects me hard, and I don't know why. It just stings like a mofo bc well... I get told I'd be an awesome gf, yet, everyone has cheated on me.
So it sucks and hurts and makes me get all down and self conscious.
Random thought brought upon me by Robert.
So lately I've been going through just a bunch of crapt. I'm trying to figure out what's truth now and what's not, and all that jazz. and it's hard.
I got told by someone that she still stands by what she said once when she was drunk that if I screw a certain someone over and hurt him that she'll make sure I don't forget it.
The sucky thing is... I've honestly done nothing to hurt him, if anything i've just been there for him. And in a BIG way I'd love to just take her aside and be like "open your eyes, you're missing who's getting screwed over times a plenty"
But truth is, it's not my place, and I've put myself in the situation. I'm just tired of putting faith in words and then needing to be careful with what I do. I'm learning too. I'm trying to still figure things out also. It sucks that I'm being held so high.
Yes, I know I am strong in what I believe and I stick to those "beliefs" and standards pretty thickly, but truth is, I am human. And Normally... I keep control of my reactions to how I feel and stuff in control,
But I can't help how I feel.
I can't help how I react sometimes. I try to control it. I try to be understanding, and if I'm given some time to myself... I normally can work it out.
I just wish a certain someone would stop holding so many expectations out of me. Stop saying all this stuff to me, making me feel emotions that I shouldn't be, and making me feel like i'm an amazing person and understand that I'm trying. and that I've been honest. And I won't stop being honest. Sometimes I just need time.
Yet... He wasn't willing to give me time. So I got hurt again bc he went back on his word, and yet I'm not mad at her at all. In fact I love her to bits and pieces. it just sucks bc I want to "han" *hehe* with her and get to know her better and just have fun, but it's hard.
I wish I could turn off certain emotions. It'd make things so much easier. So instead of work through it.. I'm just going to avoid the entire group for a while. It hurts too much right now to try.
Daniel said it'd be good for me to avoid them for a while. Which reminds me. Daniel came and visited me this weekend BWAHAHAHAHHA TO EVERYONE!
I just try so hard to be open, yet in control of my emotions and how I feel. I try so hard to make sure I realize and understand how I feel, and how other people feel, yet it keeps blowing up in my face.
Yet no matter what, I can't stop caring. it's a viscious cycle I tell you...
I'm glad you liked the quote Laura. And I'm glad things are getting better for you. Just know I'm here. and I will be honest with you.
the end.
.fin.
On other note, it sucks hearing people ask why anyone would cheat on me and all that jazz. it really affects me hard, and I don't know why. It just stings like a mofo bc well... I get told I'd be an awesome gf, yet, everyone has cheated on me.
So it sucks and hurts and makes me get all down and self conscious.
Random thought brought upon me by Robert.
So lately I've been going through just a bunch of crapt. I'm trying to figure out what's truth now and what's not, and all that jazz. and it's hard.
I got told by someone that she still stands by what she said once when she was drunk that if I screw a certain someone over and hurt him that she'll make sure I don't forget it.
The sucky thing is... I've honestly done nothing to hurt him, if anything i've just been there for him. And in a BIG way I'd love to just take her aside and be like "open your eyes, you're missing who's getting screwed over times a plenty"
But truth is, it's not my place, and I've put myself in the situation. I'm just tired of putting faith in words and then needing to be careful with what I do. I'm learning too. I'm trying to still figure things out also. It sucks that I'm being held so high.
Yes, I know I am strong in what I believe and I stick to those "beliefs" and standards pretty thickly, but truth is, I am human. And Normally... I keep control of my reactions to how I feel and stuff in control,
But I can't help how I feel.
I can't help how I react sometimes. I try to control it. I try to be understanding, and if I'm given some time to myself... I normally can work it out.
I just wish a certain someone would stop holding so many expectations out of me. Stop saying all this stuff to me, making me feel emotions that I shouldn't be, and making me feel like i'm an amazing person and understand that I'm trying. and that I've been honest. And I won't stop being honest. Sometimes I just need time.
Yet... He wasn't willing to give me time. So I got hurt again bc he went back on his word, and yet I'm not mad at her at all. In fact I love her to bits and pieces. it just sucks bc I want to "han" *hehe* with her and get to know her better and just have fun, but it's hard.
I wish I could turn off certain emotions. It'd make things so much easier. So instead of work through it.. I'm just going to avoid the entire group for a while. It hurts too much right now to try.
Daniel said it'd be good for me to avoid them for a while. Which reminds me. Daniel came and visited me this weekend BWAHAHAHAHHA TO EVERYONE!
I just try so hard to be open, yet in control of my emotions and how I feel. I try so hard to make sure I realize and understand how I feel, and how other people feel, yet it keeps blowing up in my face.
Yet no matter what, I can't stop caring. it's a viscious cycle I tell you...
I'm glad you liked the quote Laura. And I'm glad things are getting better for you. Just know I'm here. and I will be honest with you.
the end.
.fin.