(no subject)
I finally finished my video project; I already suspect it's the worst one in the class. I have an idea about how things need to look, but sometimes it doesn't pan out so much. I have an idea about how everything needs to look, by the way. every person, place, and thing.
I was driving home and fantasia barrino's "baby mama" song came on and, for some reason, it really moved me. like, I started crying. I'm not on my period, either. maybe it was just a release of all that stress, but there's this one part where she says "this is for the girls who don't get no help/ who have to do everything by themselves..." granted, I don't have a child out of wedlock or massive debt, but I feel alone. I swear to god the shit never stops. Today, after I put the second load of dishes in the dishwasher, I looked at all the dirty dishes that were leftover in the sink and felt...I don't know...profoundly hopeless. I do two loads of dishes a day yet nothing is ever clean. I throw out at least one garbage bag a day but there's trash and newspapers everywhere. I don't know why this depresses me so much. I feel isolated. I can't even hang out with my friends, because they're either miles and miles across the country or in european cities whose names I can' t pronounce. I don't mean "maybe I'll see you at the bar" kind of friends. My real, honest, closest friends who I could call and bitch to about my dishwashing issues or see without some special reason. I don't know anybody like that anymore. I feel lonely all the time and I don't get no help. Only Fantasia understands.
I saw fifty million cockroaches walking home tonight. I don't know....it's been a moody day.
I was driving home and fantasia barrino's "baby mama" song came on and, for some reason, it really moved me. like, I started crying. I'm not on my period, either. maybe it was just a release of all that stress, but there's this one part where she says "this is for the girls who don't get no help/ who have to do everything by themselves..." granted, I don't have a child out of wedlock or massive debt, but I feel alone. I swear to god the shit never stops. Today, after I put the second load of dishes in the dishwasher, I looked at all the dirty dishes that were leftover in the sink and felt...I don't know...profoundly hopeless. I do two loads of dishes a day yet nothing is ever clean. I throw out at least one garbage bag a day but there's trash and newspapers everywhere. I don't know why this depresses me so much. I feel isolated. I can't even hang out with my friends, because they're either miles and miles across the country or in european cities whose names I can' t pronounce. I don't mean "maybe I'll see you at the bar" kind of friends. My real, honest, closest friends who I could call and bitch to about my dishwashing issues or see without some special reason. I don't know anybody like that anymore. I feel lonely all the time and I don't get no help. Only Fantasia understands.
I saw fifty million cockroaches walking home tonight. I don't know....it's been a moody day.