(no subject)
I think...I think my life has just stopped. I don't know anymore. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to do, and I sure as hell don't know what to say...I have nothing to give you. Just what I am, but I don't think it would be good enough. I'm not what you need, but I want so desperatley to be. I want to be who you want, who you dream of. I'm not sure what I can do...I feel so useless. I can't bear to see you cry and the other night, as I watched you, as I watched each tear spill from your eyes and stream down your face...I broke. I broke because I can't make your pain stop. I can't assure you everything you want me to. I love you, that's all I can say, really. But I'm afraid...I'm afraid that won't be enough. This is so redundant, I know but these are the only words I have for you. I'm sorry I can't give you what you need. But you have to know...You have to know I need you. This is too much. It's hard to breathe and everything is crashing down on me. He loves me...He loves me not...In the end, I can only step back and give you a fake smile. The one I use so often that now, I can't even tell the difference to the mask I wear and who I am in reality. I doubt you could either, but I wouldn't expect you to...I never should have. I love you.
Bear