Our Love Has Gone Insane/Brendon the Rapist
Author: applebottom49
Rating: PG-13 at most
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer (with hints of Gabe/William and Frank/Gerard)
POV: 3rd
Summary: Ryan tries hard not to like Spencer's new boyfriend, Jon, but he soon gets distracted by Jon's best friend, Brendon.
Disclaimer: Not real, untrue, I don't own them, etc.
Beta: srchxandxdstryAuthor Notes: Brendon doesn't really rape anybody!! It's an inside joke they come up with xD Oh and the title is from Ryan and Jon(The Young Veins)'s new song, Change. =)
A laugh catches in the back of Ryan’s throat and he tries desperately to hold it back. “No, Spencer,” he says, biting the inside of his lower lip. “You haven’t.”
Spencer, Ryan’s best friend, seems to brighten up at the prospect of a new story. Spencer really loves talking, and when Ryan had confirmed that Spencer had not yet told him about the guy he’d met in the park- well, Spencer was set for a good hour. “Well,” he begins, settling down on Ryan’s couch, “his name is Jon. Jon Walker.”
“Jon,” Ryan repeats, still trying not to burst out in laughter. After all, he, Ryan, had always been the gay one. Spencer had told Ryan only two days ago that he was gay. Of course, Ryan hadn’t had anything against it- holy hypocrisy- but the fact that Spencer was already going giggly over guys obviously meant that Spencer had been concealing his sexual preference for some time. This was all the more funny to Ryan, however, because Spencer was behaving exactly the way Ryan had before he came out.
“Yeah,” Spencer sighs, as though just the thought of this Jon character was enough to send him straight to heaven. At the sound of Ryan clearing his throat, however, Spencer blushes and decides to elaborate. “I’ll start with how he looks. He’s like, average height. Brown hair- and stubble. He’s really, really- really cute.” Spencer’s cheeks flush slightly brighter, and his tone changes into a slightly more serious one. “So, when I first saw him, he was taking pictures in the park. I still don’t even know why - I didn’t think to ask. But anyway, he was wearing flip flops. Very ugly, very old flip flops. So I went a little bit closer to see him better- his face was hidden by his camera, and I thought he’d be some dirty old hippie. But no! He moved the camera, and Ry - he is hot. Like seriously, totally, completely hot.”
Tossing a piece of popcorn in his mouth, Ryan chews and considers their situation. If they were straight, would they be at the gym right now, until closing, lifting weights and talking about their latest one night stands? But instead, they were sitting in Ryan’s living room on his giant couch, some chick-flick muted on the television screen, eating popcorn and gushing about guys. He quickly dismisses this idea however, hating the stereotype, and thinks up something to say quickly. “I thought you said he was cute,” he speculates.
Spencer blinks. “Yeah. He is.”
“You just called him hot.”
“Can’t he both?”
“Well, they’re different,” Ryan says thoughtfully. “‘Hot’ is like, ‘Damn, I want that guy in bed, now.’ ‘Cute’ is more like, ‘Aw! I want him to be the guy that picks me up from work, remembers my birthday, kisses me in public, and buys me a puppy for Christmas.’”
Laughing and grabbing a handful of Ryan’s popcorn, Spencer says, “That settles it. He’s both.” Through a mouthful of popcorn, he continues. “So I was sitting on a bench, like five feet from him. He moved his camera to look at something, and I was full-on staring at him. But instead of getting all creeped out, he smiled at me. And damn, Ry, when he smiles, it’s cute. Definitely ‘buy me a puppy please’ cute. His eyes get all crinkly around the edges and he looks like he’s your best friend! But anyway. He smiled at me, and he started coming over. And I was freaking out because I figured he thought I was either a crazy stalker or some on-the-fence neighborhood kid. But instead he was like, ‘Hi, I’m Jon.’ And he shook my hand. And when I shook his hand it felt like an electric shock! Oh my God, Ryan.”
Ryan scowls. “He sounds nice.” But instead, Ryan is thinking more along the lines of, This sounds like the kind of guy that will break your heart in a second. And he certainly doesn’t like that vibe. But by now, Spencer is talking about how they went for coffee and it turns out that, oh my God, he works at Starbucks and that’s so perfect and he’s so excited for Ryan to meet him-
Wait.
Well, well, welly well well! Spencer’s going to bring Jon around, huh? Perfect. Bring it on. Ryan will be the one to judge Jon when the time comes.
“Ryan?” Ryan looks up and finds Spencer staring at him, his head cocked to one side, clearly confused. “Why do you look so…I don’t know. Smug?”
“Sorry, Spence,” Ryan apologizes. “I can’t wait to meet Jon.” Before he lets Spencer’s grin get too big, however, he adds, “But be careful with him, okay?”
Spencer rolls his eyes and throws a pillow at Ryan. “He’s a good guy. So you better not scare him away.”
Ryan displays his less-than-impressive bicep and says, “C’mon, Spence, he could probably do with a little excitement.”
“Ryan, no! I really like this guy, okay?” Spencer’s tone is hilariously urgent.
“How do you know? You’ve only known him for like a day, right?”
Clearing his throat, Spencer looks down and says in a tiny voice, “Well, I met him four days ago, actually.” He looks up and when he sees Ryan’s nonchalant face, he asks, “You’re not mad, right?”
“Of course not. It’s obvious you haven’t been gay for only two days. Seriously? I waited like a year before telling you. And I’m glad that this guy you’re obsessing over isn’t someone you just met today.”
Spencer leans over and hugs his best friend. Ryan allows Spencer to keep leaning his head onto him for about a minute before saying, “Ahem.”
“This is a little more awkward to say than before because I’m out now, but, Ryan, I really love you.”
Ryan, still encased in Spencer’s hug, says, “Yeah, I love you too,” but senses a worry in Spencer and looks down at him. “What?” he asks.
Spencer looks up and asks quietly, “You’re happy for me, right?”
Ryan tries to hide his sigh. “Yeah, Spence,” he answers, and, putting his arm around Spencer’s back, he gives his friend a squeeze.
Jealousy? Maybe. Suspicion? Undoubtedly. Protectiveness? Probably. But whatever the purpose, Ryan certainly was not excited to meet Jon Walker.
*
“So, don’t interrogate him. Don’t glare at him. Don’t make him feel uncomfortable. Just- please don’t embarrass me, okay?” Spencer whispers all these commands as he leads the way to Jon’s place of employment - Starbucks. Ryan really isn’t in the mood for coffee, and he’s concerned that he will end up embarrassing Spencer - not that that’s his intention, but Spencer will certainly face-palm if Ryan goes too far in his questioning of Jon. But it’s been a good three weeks since Spencer first met this dream guy, and Ryan had to meet him sooner or later.
“I won’t do anything to make him hate you,” Ryan assures him. “Although, from the way you’ve been talking lately, I don’t know if that’s even possible.”
Spencer beams, and Ryan feels bad that he already dislikes Jon. But there’s a cavity of foreboding gnawing on the inside of his brain, and Ryan can’t forget it just yet.
They enter the coffee shop, and Spencer’s smile grows even bigger as he looks around and his eyes land on Jon. Jon is talking to some guy in an apron, but when he sees Spencer, he freezes. Jon smiles too, and Ryan can see what Spencer meant about the crinkly-eyes thing. His apron goes off and it’s handed to the guy he was talking to. Jon goes through the little door thing in the counter and heads over to Spencer, still smiling.
“Ryan!” Spencer mutters, elbowing him. “Stop frowning.”
Ryan subconsciously rubs his mouth- he hadn’t realized he was frowning, and he didn’t mean to make a bad first impression. He steps back slightly as Jon reaches Spencer and immediately pulls him in for a quick kiss.
“Jon,” Spencer says, stumbling over his words in the aftermath of what must have been one hell of a kiss (despite its short duration), “this is Ryan, my best friend. Ryan, this is Jon, my boyfriend.”
Jon sticks his hand out, smiling in a friendly way. “Nice to meet you, Ryan,” he says, not even looking confused when Ryan inspects his hand before shaking it.
“Nice to meet you too, Jon,” Ryan says firmly. “Spencer really likes you and if you hurt him I’ll kick your ass without any reservations.”
Spencer’s eyes widen in horror, but Jon simply grins even wider, saying, “I don’t think Spencer will be in need of your services, but thanks for the warning anyway, Ryan.” Ignoring the way Ryan raises one eyebrow, he turns to Spencer, who quickly wipes the murderous glare aimed at Ryan off of his face. “Lunch?” Jon asks kindly. Spencer nods, flustered, and the three set off out the doorway.
*
“So, Jon, do you have any pets?”
Spencer rolls his eyes at this pointless question and rests his chin on one hand, but Jon smiles politely at Ryan, as he has for all of the stupid questions, finishes chewing, and answers kindly. “Yeah,” he says, swallowing. “I have a cat named Dylan.”
“Cute,” Ryan says. He picks at his French fries, barely touched, but decides he’ll get fat if he eats them. “What about-”
“Ryan,” Spencer says finally, “how about you stop asking Jon every detail about his personal life?”
Jon says, “Nah, it’s alright. I mean, it wouldn’t be cool if Ryan here just assumed I was perfect.”
“You are perfect,” Spencer sighs, biting his lip.
“No one is,” Jon laughs, “but I try.” And Spencer kisses him.
Ryan looks pointedly away as this happens. Damn, he thinks, this guy really is perfect. Where’s mine? And the feeling in the bottom of his stomach is like a dull ache, reminding him pointedly that even though Ryan had been openly gay for years, he didn’t have anyone, while Spencer, who had come out only weeks ago, had already met the only perfect gay guy on the planet.
A phone rings, and Jon pulls away from Spencer, fumbling in his pocket. “Hello?” he greets the caller, licking his lips subconsciously. “Yeah. Thanks, Brendon.” He closes his phone and his gaze meets Spencer’s. “I have to go back to work,” he apologizes.
“Okay,” Spencer says breathlessly, and when Jon goes up to the counter in the restaurant to pay for their meals, he looks at Ryan and gushes, “Isn’t he awesome?”
“Yeah,” Ryan grumbles. Spencer doesn’t hear him, and is about to ask him to repeat himself when Jon reappears. “Care to walk me back?” he asks, grinning, and Spencer stands up so quickly that his chair falls over.
Walking back to Starbucks, Ryan stays mostly silent while Jon and Spencer talk random mush to each other. The walk isn’t that long, but it seems like miles as he registers how lonely he really is.
As they enter the shop again, which is slightly more crowded now, Jon turns to Spencer and kisses him quickly before saying, “Well, it’s been fun, but I have to go now.”
Spencer is about to reply when another guy comes up. “Jon, thank God you’re here!” he exclaims.
Ryan looks the guy over. He’s the same one Jon was talking to when Ryan and Spencer first showed up. His hair is a dark chocolate brown and smooth; his eyes are the same colour. He has a wide, full mouth that looks like it wants to smile despite its owner’s desperate tone. He’s a little bit shorter than Ryan, and overall, he looks friendly. And, Ryan hates to think it, really hot. And cute! Well, hell. There’re two guys on the planet that are both.
The boy continues. “We’re like, packed!” He gestures dramatically around the interior of the Starbucks. It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but maybe they aren’t used to being three quarters of the way full. “We really need your help!”
“Brendon, chill!” Jon laughs. “I’m coming.” Glancing at Spencer’s confused expression, he adds, “Spencer, this is my best friend, Brendon Urie. Brendon, this is my boyfriend, Spencer.” Brendon reaches out to shake hands, apparently forgiving how silly-giggly Spencer has just become at the word ‘boyfriend’, even though he said it himself earlier.
“Brendon,” Ryan echoes subconsciously. Wait - shit. Now Brendon’s giving him a weird look. “I’m uh-” he begins but Spencer stops him and says, “Nice to meet you, Brendon. This is my best friend, Ryan.”
“Hey, Ryan,” Brendon says with a smile. He shakes Ryan’s hand too, and it feels good. His grip isn’t too firm, unlike most of the world’s hand-shakers, and it seems friendly. Like a, “yeah, I actually want to be shaking your hand right now” kind of shake.
Spencer notices that Ryan isn’t going to let go anytime soon, and since Brendon’s starting to look confused, he says, “Well, Ryan, we should probably be going too.”
Dropping Brendon’s hand like it had been burned, Ryan says, “Uh, yeah. Let’s go.”
“Bye!” Jon calls as Spencer and Ryan high-tail it outta there.
Ryan can’t help looking back, and when he sees that Brendon is still watching him, he blushes and starts speed-walking in the other direction faster than ever.
“Whoa, Ryan!” Spencer says, trying to keep up. “There’s no fire.”
“There could be,” mumbles Ryan.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just want to get home.”
Spencer wrinkles his nose. “Is something wrong?”
Noticing his friend’s heavy breathing, Ryan slows his pace, guiltily remembering that not everyone’s legs are as long as his. “Yeah. Maybe.”
*
Hours later, around midnight, Spencer is asleep on Ryan’s couch. Ryan is still awake however, and he can’t seem to get to sleep. He keeps closing his eyes, opening them after only a few minutes, looking around, and slowly closing them again. Ryan doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for him to sleep tonight, but he decides that it’s not worth it to sit in this chair for hours, waiting for sleep that isn’t going to come.
He stands up, careful not to wake up Spencer, and heads to his kitchen. He quietly grabs his keys off of his counter, not fully understanding what he’s doing yet, but knowing that he’s going somewhere. Ryan also picks up his sweatshirt, leaves a note for Spencer should he wake up, and heads straight for the door. He pauses, watching Spencer sleep for a minute, then leaves silently.
Ryan finds himself walking around aimlessly for maybe ten minutes or so before it starts raining. Swearing lightly, he turns into a small bookstore- he’s never been inside it before, but it’s open, and that’s more than he can expect from any other places around here at this hour.
Looking around, Ryan remembers why he’s been avoiding this place for so long. It’s not a proper bookstore at all; it’s pretty much just full of comic books. There are posters of vampires and zombies all over the bland white walls, and the whole store gives off the same kind of impression Ryan used to get from the Goth kids back in high school. The man at the counter is hunched over a piece of paper, and though Ryan isn’t sure, it looks as though he’s scribbling out some kind of creepy picture. Ryan rolls his eyes, but walks over to the counter anyway. “Hi,” he says.
The man jumps and his pen explodes as it is squeezed too hard. It begins to leak on the floor, but the man says nothing; he just stares at Ryan, waiting.
“Um, I’m Ryan. It’s raining,” Ryan says lamely.
“Oh. I’m Gerard.” Gerard begins to stretch his hand out, although to shake, but when he notices that his hand is covered in black ink, he blushes and drops it to his side. “So, you’re in here because it’s raining?” he asks.
“Yeah, I guess. I’ve never been here before,” Ryan says.
“Oh,” Gerard says again. Perhaps he realizes how boring he sounds, because he adds, “Right now it’s just me, Mikey, and Brendon here, but you can chill here as long as you want. I basically close whenever I’m done drawing.”
“Cool. Thanks,” Ryan says, and he looks around the store again, wandering over to the nearest shelves.
“What do you do?” Gerard calls. Ryan turns with a confused expression, and Gerard elaborates, “Where do you work?”
Nodding in understanding, Ryan says slowly, “The record store. A few blocks from here?”
“Oh, yeah,” Gerard says, smiling slightly for the first time. “You know William and Gabe?”
“Yeah,” Ryan says, and he smiles too. “They’re cool to talk to when they aren’t in the back room making out.”
Gerard laughs. “That can get annoying.”
At that moment, a man whose features are slightly similar to Gerard’s comes through the doorway from the back room that leads to the area behind the counter. “Hey, Gee, do we have any-Who’s this?” The man looks Ryan up and down and smiles.
“This is Ryan. He’s a new friend,” Gerard says, winking at Ryan. “Ryan, this is my brother, Mikey. He works here too.”
“Hey,” Ryan says, in a tone that he hopes is friendly- he’s finally starting to get sleepy.
“Hey Ryan, nice to meet you. So, Gee, do we have any more Red Bull anywhere? Brendon’s practically throwing a fit back there.”
Gerard sighs. “I only have mine. It’s already been opened, but I only took a sip. He can have it.” Gerard reaches beneath the counter and pulls up a Red Bull. Handing it to Mikey, he says to Ryan, “Ever heard of our pal Brendon Urie? He doesn’t work here, he’s over at Starbucks, but he’s like, always here.”
Ryan freezes. “Um, no, can’t say I have,” he says, his voice squeaking a little bit with the lie. Why was he so tense? And why did he just say that? Well, he knows the reason - It’s uncool to remember people’s names that you just met if you like them, right? Or is that an old trend? Shit. What if Brendon comes out and he’s offended? No. Brendon won’t remember Ryan anyway. Ryan’s not very memorable-
“Nah, I met Ryan just today,” Brendon says, appearing in the doorway. “You’re Jon’s boyfriend’s best friend, aren’t you?” He aims this slightly confusing second question at Ryan.
“Oh, yeah,” Ryan says, plastering a smile across his face. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Good,” Brendon says with a smile. “It’d be embarrassing if you really didn’t remember me! Then again, it would be a nice reminder that I need to start doing something different.” He looks around. “So, did someone find me a Red Bull or what?”
Mikey hands Gerard’s slightly less full Red Bull to Brendon with a sigh. “If you drink too much of this stuff, you’re gonna die early.”
“What a morbid thing to say!” Brendon says in mock horror. He grins deviously and takes an extra long swig of Red Bull. “Mm, liquefied early death sentence.”
At this point, Ryan’s kind of just standing around silently (Gerard’s gone back to scribbling with a new pen), and Brendon notices him and says, “Hey, you wanna come hang in back with Mike and me?”
Mikey nods encouragingly, and Brendon’s smile is just breathtaking, so Ryan moves to the counter, then follows them into the back room.
The back room looks much friendlier than the outer store- instead of zombies and vampires, there are band posters, and there’s also a coffee machine, a microwave, a mini-fridge, and a small television currently projecting some documentary of The Beatles, with two Disney movies tossed on top of it. The room is a bit cramped, but there’s still room for a couch and two squashy armchairs that look very comfortable. There’s also a nightstand with a lamp that lights up the room much more than it looks like it should, some empty Red Bull cans, and two coffee mugs. Magazines litter the floor, and pens, markers, paper, and other art supplies occupy one of the chairs.
Ryan liked this room immediately, and he likes it just a little bit more when Brendon grabs his hand and pulls him over to the couch, bringing Ryan down to sit next to him. Mikey brings up the rear and falls into the empty chair. He sinks in to it and looks satisfied. His eyes wander to the television screen while Brendon turns and faces Ryan. “So, Ryan, where do you live?” he asks curiously, sipping his energy drink.
“Maybe…fifteen minutes from here?” Ryan says, trying to be cool while his mind is racing.
“Cool,” Brendon says. “Do you live with Spencer?”
“No, but he sleeps over a lot. In fact, he’s at my house right now. The roof of his apartment building is being fumigated.”
Brendon grins. “You’re lucky to have such a good-looking friend. Shame Jon got to him first.”
“Wow, Brendon,” Mikey laughs. “You’ve really outgayed yourself this time.”
Meanwhile, Ryan’s heart sinks just a tiny bit. Does Brendon like Spencer? Wait. Why should it matter? Oh yeah, Spencer is Ryan’s best friend- so he should want to make sure that Spencer is happy. And Spencer’s happy with Jon. That’s the only reason it’s important to him. Right?
Ryan pauses when he realizes Brendon’s staring at him in worriment. “I’m sorry,” Brendon says quickly. “I never told you I was gay, did I? I get really stupid sometimes.”
“It’s okay,” Ryan says. Quietly, he adds, “I’m gay too.”
He secretly hopes that Brendon won’t hear him say this, but when Brendon’s eyes return to their normal state of jovialness, he doesn’t mind. “Wow, that makes the whole crew!” Brendon jokes.
“Huh?” Ryan asks, his eyes darting to Mikey, who is eyeing Brendon in slight amusement.
“Well, if you’re gay, then I can actually say that all my friends are gay,” Brendon says happily.
Friends? They’re friends? Ryan grins slightly.
Brendon keeps going. “You are, and Spencer is, and Gerard is, and Mikey is, and Frank is, and Gabe is, and William is, and Pete is, and Patrick is, and Ray is, and Bob is, and Jon is.” He counts the names on his fingers.
“Brendon,” Mikey says, slightly abrasively.
Ignoring Mikey, Brendon looks at Ryan. “What?”
“Huh?” Ryan says again lamely, unsure of what he’s doing now.
“You just look kind of sad. Let’s talk about something else.” Ryan’s glad that Brendon suggests this himself. “So, where do you work?”
“Record store,” Ryan says.
“Cool! With Gabe and Will?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want a sip of my Red Bull?” Ryan is staring back at him, so he says, “You look kind of thirsty…?”
“Oh! Um, sure.” In reality, Ryan was just staring because Brendon is maybe the hottest (and cutest) guy on the planet, but he is actually kind of thirsty. When Brendon hands him the already half-empty can, he looks at it for a moment before taking a sip.
Damn! Ryan’s never had Red Bull before, and it’s got a certain kick to it that he hadn’t expected. It’s fizzy and delicious, and with just one sip Ryan feels more alive than ever before - his eyes widen slightly, and when he looks around at Brendon he knows what he wants to do. He wants to do Brendon, that is. And he’s sure his new “friend” won’t mind if Ryan leans over and gives him just a little kiss…
It’s over when Brendon snaps his fingers in Ryan’s face though. Ryan immediately blushes and, noticing that he’s about an inch closer to Brendon then before, he leans back, heat crawling up his neck.
“First time, huh?” Brendon says kindly, reaching over and gently taking back the can. “I’ve gotten used to it by now, but I know how Red Bull can make people behave.”
“‘Gotten used to it,’ Brendon?” Mikey asks, clearly trying not to laugh at Ryan’s moment of foolishness (Ryan is still blinking a bit more than usual, even after only one sip). “You’re the most hyper dude I’ve ever met.”
“But you love it, right?” Brendon asks, batting his eyelashes.
“I guess it kind of makes you Brendon,” Mikey admits.
“And you should see me when I’m actually drunk!” Brendon says to Ryan. “I’m all over the place! Well, I guess I’m like that anyway. But even more so!”
“Yikes,” Ryan says.
Brendon gives Ryan a hard look and turns pointedly away. Ryan’s eyes get wide again and he’s about to apologize, but then Brendon turns around and cracks up at Ryan’s expression. “I’m just messing with you!” Brendon says, putting his arm around Ryan and massaging his shoulder a bit.
Ryan blushes even more at this action, which Mikey does not fail to notice. “Jesus, Brendon, don’t rape the poor guy!”
“I’m not raping,” Brendon says indignantly. “You don’t mind, do you, Ryan?”
“No,” Ryan says, his eyes huge and going completely numb in his right shoulder, which Brendon was still massaging.
“Well, now he feels obligated to say ‘no!’” Mikey contradicts him. “You’re totally raping him, you rapist.”
Brendon pulls Ryan a little closer to him and says defensively, “I am not a rapist! Ryan’s our newest friend! I’m allowed to touch him, Mike.”
“But you’re not allowed to rape him.”
“I am not a-”
“Spencer’s probably wondering where I am,” Ryan says, jumping up suddenly. He feels a disturbance in the force coming on, and he doesn’t know how he would explain it without getting laughed at, so he pulls out a lame excuse.
“Well, okay,” Mikey says, looking slightly startled. “Come see us again, dude.”
“Yeah, I will, but for now I gotta go. Bye!” Ryan says this a little too quickly, even for his own liking, but at this point an issue is certainly starting to arise, and he spins around and leaves without further ado.
“Hey,” Gerard says, looking up and smiling as Ryan comes through the doorway. “Leaving?”
“Yeah,” Ryan says, starting to get a bit antsy.
“Way to scare away our new friend!” Brendon says to Mikey, loud and clear from the back room.
“I scared him? You’re the rapist! That’s your new title! Brendon the Rapist!”
Gerard looks into the back room for a moment, then looks back at Ryan, who is gazing at the exit and blushing profusely. Lowering his voice, he asks, “Did they really scare you? Or are they just being slightly intimidating dumbasses?”
“The second one,” Ryan says quickly, ready to get out of there, unsure of whether he’s about to laugh or to choke.
“Give me your number,” Gerard says. “We should all hang out sometime. I’ll invite Frank, too- he’s my boyfriend. He keeps them grounded. And Will and Gabe, if you want?”
“Sure,” Ryan says. This actually sounds pretty good to him- he doesn’t have many friends- so he writes his name and number atop Gerard’s scary picture of what looks like a zombie growling.
“And you can come hang out anytime,” Gerard says kindly. He and Ryan say goodbye, and Ryan leaves as hastily as he can without seeming rude. The rain has stopped, so the walk home is fairly uneventful.
When Ryan gets back to his house, Spencer is still snoring away on the couch. Ryan heads to the kitchen, crumples up the note he left, takes off his sweatshirt, and gazes down in the direction of his pants. Sighing, he pouts his lips and wishes that for once he could have a chance with the guy he really likes.
*
“Do you have work today?” Spencer asks through the bathroom door.
Ryan’s staring at his reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror, prodding at his face and hoping that he’s not this bad-looking in everyone else’s eyes. “No,” he calls.
“I’m going to see Jon at Starbucks today! Do you want to come?”
“Nah, thanks.”
“Maybe Brendon’ll be there.”
Ryan pauses in alarm. He whips open the bathroom door and finds Spencer leaning against the wall, grinning. “Why would it matter if Brendon’s there or not?” he asks hastily, trying to sound cool but failing dismally.
Luckily, Spencer never seems to notice this sort of thing. “Well, Jon says he’s single,” he starts grinning guiltily. “And he’s pretty hot.”
Ryan mumbles, “Yeah, he said the same thing about you.”
Spencer fails to notice this comment. “Anyway, I just thought that maybe you’d-”
“Nope,” Ryan says, and abruptly shuts the door again. He hears Spencer grumbling and trudging away. He feels bad, but God forbid Spencer find out about his little crush- he’d probably blab to Jon, and even though Jon doesn’t seem to be the kind of guy that blows secrets, Ryan can’t help but think that the whole mess would somehow be leaked to Brendon. And how embarrassing would it be to have Brendon find out through some high-schoolish grapevine? Besides, since Ryan can’t even figure out why he likes the guy so much, there is room to pretend he doesn’t like him. In other words, Ryan’s got the right to denial, at least until Brendon makes a move. It’s been six days since Ryan last went to Gerard’s comic store, and he’s almost afraid to risk going back.
Ryan goes back to staring at his reflection. He runs his fingers through his hair- does Brendon think his haircut is ugly? He scratches his nose- does Brendon think his nose is shaped funny? He blinks- does Brendon think that his eyes are a strange colour? Does Brendon think his eyelashes are too long? Does Brendon think that his lips are too small? Does Brendon think his face is too wide? What does Brendon think of him!?
He sighs and squeezes his eyes shut, unable to comprehend why he feels so insecure about himself at the thought of Brendon. Ryan’s never really thought about his looks before, but for some reason they seem extremely important now.
Sighing again, Ryan reopens his eyes, gives himself one last look, and then opens the bathroom door. He heads into his living room and is relieved to see Spencer still sitting on his couch. “Spence, do you think I’m ugly?” he asks.
Spencer looks up with a start and frowns. “No, not at all..! Why?”
“I don’t know.” Ryan sits on the couch next to Spencer and leans his head on his friend’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything else.
Spencer’s a little surprised at Ryan’s behaviour, because he usually never acts like this. “Ryan?” he asks tentatively.
“Yeah?” Ryan mumbles, his tone somber.
“Is something wrong?”
“I dunno.” Ryan shuts his eyes and takes in Spencer’s scent.
Spencer leaves it at that for a while, but eventually he says, “I’m gonna go see Jon now.”
Ryan hums in acknowledgement but doesn’t move. Sighing and standing, Spencer asks, “Do you want me to bring you back a coffee?” Ryan could swear he also heard him muttering, “Or a Brendon?”
“No,” Ryan mumbles forlornly. He falls down onto his side and sighs.
Spencer pauses, unsure of what to do. He looks at how depressed Ryan seems to be, and says, “You really like this guy, don’t you?”
Lifting up his head weakly, Ryan asks, “What? What guy?” Please don’t say Brendon, he thinks.
“I don’t know,” Spencer says, and Ryan bites back a sigh of relief. “But whoever it is- you got it bad, don’t you?”
Ryan nods sadly, and Spencer reaches down to ruffle his hair. “I won’t be gone long,” he promises.
When Spencer is gone, Ryan decides to sit up and look at this situation from a reasonable point of view. He lays out some questions: First of all, what does he really think of Brendon? Second, what does he want? And third, what can he do to make whatever he want happen?
Alright. Well, Brendon was great in the looks department- if Ryan had a “type”, Brendon would fit the bill perfectly. He had great eyes that could make anyone smile, his lips were plush and perfect, and not to mention that ass- yep, Brendon was hot for sure. But he was cute, too, and that was what really mattered. He was funny, and didn’t seem like he was ever mean. Brendon was cheerful and nice, which were great- and rare- qualities in any guy these days. So what did Ryan think of him? Ryan thought hard and decided that yes, he really did have a thing for this guy.
So, the next question. What does Ryan want? He wants Brendon, that’s easy enough to say, but more than that. Ryan wants a friend. That is to say, Ryan wants a boyfriend that can be his friend too. He wants someone that’ll be close to him besides Spencer; someone that will love him unconditionally despite the stupid things he does. Ryan wants someone to love that will laugh with him and cry with him and pick him up when he has fallen. Overall, Brendon seems perfect. So, Ryan wants to fall in love with Brendon, to keep it simple.
The last question - maybe the hardest. How can Ryan get what he wants? Well, he supposes, he should probably start getting to know Brendon more. He should try to talk to Brendon whenever the opportunity arises. In fact, maybe he could try finding him now.
Ryan stands up, brushes himself off, and looks around. His keys are on the coffee table, and he grabs them, putting them in his pocket to make sure he doesn’t simply put them down and forget the whole thing. Ryan panics slightly as he finds himself heading towards the doorway, but by the time he’s outside his confidence has been regained. He decides to go to Gerard’s comic store again on the off chance that Brendon’ll be there. Even if Brendon’s at work, like Spencer suggested, he’ll show up eventually, right?
So Ryan starts in the direction of the store. When he finally reaches it and enters, he smiles at the sight of Gerard scribbling at his desk. “Hi,” he says.
Gerard jumps slightly, apparently not having heard the door opening, but relaxes when he sees it’s Ryan. “Hey,” he says, and with a grin, adds, “Come back for more?”
Ryan rolls his eyes, secretly glad that he can act so confident when he’s really scared out of his mind. “Yeah.” He walks over to Gerard’s desk and sits on it, surveying the scary Goth teenagers that fill the store, huddling over slasher comics, along with the nerds cheerfully debating superheroes. “Your customers are kind of funny,” he comments.
Gerard smiles sheepishly. “It’s funnier that I know them all by name.” He stretches and looks sideways into the back room. “Mikey’s back there,” he says, lowering his voice, “but Brendon won’t be here for another half an hour or so.”
“What?” Ryan jumps and looks closely at Gerard. “What makes you think I’m here for-”
“It’s okay,” Gerard says kindly. “I could tell last night. I didn’t say anything, and I won’t if you don’t want me to, so long as you admit it.” He smirks.
Sighing, Ryan gives a sad smile, accepting defeat. “Okay, I admit it,” he whispers. “And please don’t say anything. I’m kind of trying to work it out on my own.”
“Understandable,” Gerard says. He pauses. “Just saying right now, though, you have a good chance with him.”
“Yeah?”
“Definitely.” Gerard nods and smiles lightly. “Brendon’s a guy that knows what he wants, and when he wants a guy, there’s no bullshit. You’ll probably know, even if he doesn’t outright say anything.”
Ryan’s mood lightens considerably after that, and he continues talking to Gerard for a while, just getting to know him. Ryan thinks Gerard is really cool, and he’s glad that they met. After a while, he decides to go chill with Mikey, and heads into the back room.
When he enters, Ryan is slightly surprised to see that in his absence, the room has been turned upside-down.
Figuratively speaking, of course. In reality, Mikey’s just been tearing the room completely apart. The nightstand has been overturned, and the lamp lies on the floor, luckily unbroken. The art supplies from the chair have been tossed every which way. Random items have been flung onto the couch and floor, and there’s a can of Red Bull slowly emptying itself onto the carpet. In other words, the room is a mess, and Mikey is currently behind the sofa, muttering curse words to himself.
“Um, Mikey?” Ryan asks, doubtful of his decision to enter this danger zone.
Mikey sits up straight in surprise. “Oh, um, hey Ryan. You haven’t seen a Peter Gabriel CD anywhere, have you?”
“Nooo…?”
“Well, can you help me look? It’s Brendon’s, and if he finds out I lost it he’ll go all angry mutant on me.”
“Brendon listens to Peter Gabriel?” Ryan tries not to laugh.
“Yeah, he does, and more importantly, this CD is one of his most prized possessions. Please help me look!”
Ryan agrees, and kneels in the corner of the room, sifting through rubbish. After a while, he thinks he’s caught a glimpse of a CD case underneath the chair next to him, and puts his ass in the air as he squints in the darkness underneath the chair. He sticks his arm in the small space, groping around for it.
“Well, hello there, Ryan’s Ass,” says a familiar voice in the doorway. “I don’t think we’ve been properly acquainted yet.”
Ryan finally reaches the CD and, pulling it out, sits up straight as fast as he can. He blushes and says, “Um, hey Brendon,” he says. His eyes are wide in embarrassment, which Brendon laughs at. Cursing himself silently, Ryan says weakly, “I’ve got your CD.”
“Ah, Peter Gabriel?” Brendon asks, his eyes lighting up. “I didn’t even realize I’d left it here!” (Mikey groans in the corner.) He moves closer to Ryan and takes the CD from Ryan’s outstretched hand.
Ryan stands up slowly and brushes some dirt off of the knees of his pants. Avoiding direct eye contact with Brendon, he walks over to the couch, picks a sweatshirt off of it, and sits down delicately. Mikey’s already seated in one of the armchairs, surveying Brendon with a significant look. Brendon glances at Mikey for a moment, confused, but seems to shake it off and sits next to Ryan, peeling off his striped scarf and ignoring the stuff he’s sitting on. “How long have you been here?” he asks Ryan.
“Uh, like half an hour,” Ryan answers, noting how awkward he feels and wishing he were more cool.
“Oh,” Brendon says. He stretches forward so he can reach the mini-fridge and rummages around in it for a drink. During this time, Ryan lets his eyes wander to the exposed skin on Brendon’s back, leading down to one of his finest assets. He flushes, but can’t tear his eyes away. Finally he does, and when he looks up Mikey is silently laughing at him. Shit, does everyone know he has a thing for Brendon?
When his conscience drifts back into the conversation, Brendon is in the middle of a hearty debate with Mikey about whether or not Aladdin is cool. “Come on, he’s like a total badass!” Brendon argues. “He lives life on the run. And he gets the girl. After fighting some power-hungry psycho- and his parrot- and winning! You’ve got to admit that Aladdin is the best.”
Mikey scoffs. “Dude, it’s a Disney movie. Besides, if you really think about it, you realize that all Aladdin does is race around in some ridiculous outfit, taking what isn’t his and then getting all surprised when bad things come from it. And he just expects that Jasmine will like him, even though he’s a poor dumbass with a creepy little monkey.”
“Abu is the shit!”
“He’s a thieving little fucker, that’s what he is! And he lies to Jasmine about who he is. Are you saying that’s okay?”
“Of course I’m not!” Brendon answers, indignant. “But he loves her! And she forgives him, doesn’t she? And anyway, Aladdin comes up with the way to defeat Jafar after he becomes the most powerful sultan in the world!”
“Oh, please! Ryan, what do you think?” Mikey demands.
Slowly, Ryan - completely terrified - responds, “Uh, I think Aladdin is cool.” To be truthful, Ryan never even watched that movie. But whatever.
“Ha!” Brendon puts his arm around Ryan and pulls him close. “Two to one, Aladdin is awesome!”
“Aladdin is lame,” Gerard calls from the front desk, and Mikey smirks.
“What!?” Brendon shrieks, and drops Ryan immediately. He scrambles up and out the door, and can be heard giving Gerard a piece of his mind.
Ryan doesn’t move until Mikey clears his throat. He looks up, and Mikey says in a low voice, “You and Brendon, huh?”
“Um, I’m sorry?”
“You like him, don’t you?”
“Uh…”
“Yeah, you do.” Mikey smiles to himself. “Don’t act so stressed. He’s already calling you a friend, right? You’re doing fine. Just be cool.”
Ryan peers at the doorway for a moment, frowning. Then, he asks, “What do you mean, ‘be cool?’”
“Just- pretend he’s Spencer.”
“Yuck!” Ryan exclaims, imagining having a crush on Spencer.
“I meant, like, act the way you do around Spencer when you’re around Bren.”
“Overprotective?”
“No.”
“Moody?”
“Um, no.”
Ryan thought a moment. “Uh, normal?”
“You’ve got it.”
At that point Brendon appeared in the doorway. “I convinced Gerard to see the light,” he says, dropping himself onto the couch right next to Ryan. “That means Team Aladdin wins.”
“You must be so proud,” says Mikey, rolling his eyes.
“We sure are,” Brendon says. He puts his arm around Ryan again. “Right, Ryan?”
“Yeah. I feel pretty accomplished, all right,” Ryan says. “I said, ‘I think Aladdin is cool.’ Now I’ve got something to put on my résumé.”
Brendon frowns in mock disapproval. “That better not be sarcasm I’m detecting.”
It’s Ryan’s turn to roll his eyes. “And if it is?”
“Then you’re a square, and I’m kicking you out of Team Aladdin.”
Heart racing, Ryan takes a chance. “Well, if I’m not a part of Team Aladdin anymore, you’re not allowed to keep putting your hands on me like this.” He eyes Brendon’s arm around his shoulder.
Brendon gasps and looks at Mikey, saying, “I’m faced with a tough decision here, Mikey.”
Mikey grins. “I say he’s a keeper.”
“Yeah, but you’re not on the team.” Brendon eyes Ryan dubiously and says, “Well, I guess you can stay…”
“Oh, boy!” says Ryan.
“…But watch that attitude!” Brendon laughs and pokes Ryan in the stomach. Ryan, being extremely ticklish, lets out a bloodcurdling yelp and clutches his stomach.
“What the hell was that?” Mikey asks in alarm.
“Um, nothing,” Ryan chokes out, but when he sees Brendon’s expression, he gulps. Brendon looks extremely mischievous and grins in evil glee before poking Ryan’s stomach again. When Ryan lets out a half-strangled noise, Brendon says, “Yep, this might come in useful.”
“Useful for what?” Ryan shrieks, standing up and backing away from Brendon. Luckily, as Brendon stands up, Ryan’s phone rings and he answers quickly. “Hello?”
“Ryan, where the hell are you?” Spencer scolds.
“In the back room of a shady store with a punk and a rapist,” Ryan says, emphasizing the last part. Brendon scoffs, but Ryan just grins. “Where are you? I thought you went to see Jon.”
“It’s been two hours, Ryan! I thought you weren’t feeling good today.”
“Why did you think that?”
“Because you were being all mopey and mysterious!”
“Oh. Yeah,” Ryan says sheepishly. He hadn’t realized Spencer would worry.
“And what do you mean you’re in the back room of a shady store with a punk and a rapist!?” Spencer says this very loudly, and Mikey and Brendon both hear. They start laughing, of course, and Ryan tries hard not to follow suit.
“Relax. The punk is Mikey Way, and the rapist is just Brendon.”
“Oh-ho-ho!” Spencer says triumphantly. “You’re with Brendon, are you?” He pauses. “Jon’s mentioned Mikey and his brother before…What’s his name? Gerald?”
“Gerard.”
“Right. Well, I guess that’s okay then. But come home soon, okay? I’m bored.”
“Yeah, I will,” Ryan says. After another minute or so, he hangs up, and Brendon pounces.
He pins Ryan to the wall easily with just one arm, and pokes Ryan in the stomach repeatedly. “I am not a rapist!” he says.
Between giggles, Ryan says, “Okay. Not a rapist. Got it.”
Brendon continues poking. “And Aladdin is cool,” he prods.
“Aladdin is super cool!” Ryan squeaks.
“And what is your number?”
Ryan wiggles, trying to escape, and says, “What?”
“I never got yours and you never got mine. C’mon, what is it?” So he lets Ryan go, and they exchange phones.
“I gotta go,” Ryan says, handing Brendon’s phone back. Taking his own, he sees that Brendon has made his contact name “BrennyBear”. He smiles, and says, “See you guys later.
“Later,” Mikey says, switching on the TV.
“Totes magotes,” says Brendon cheerfully, and Ryan smiles to himself again before leaving.
“How’d it go?” Gerard asks, looking up from his drawing.
Ryan sticks his thumb up and leaves the store in an awesome mood. He even grins at some Goth kids through the window.
On his way home, Ryan’s pretty much ecstatic. Brendon wanted his number. Brendon had put his arm around him again. Brendon had maybe even been flirting with Ryan.
And ‘BrennyBear’? Ryan almost walks right into traffic thinking about that. When he reaches his house, he enters and almost runs into Spencer, who has been waiting by the door. “Hell, Ryan!” Spencer says, and hugs his best friend.
“Um, hello, Spencer,” Ryan says.
“Would it kill you to leave a note or something?” Spencer releases Ryan and frowns at him.
“Sorry, I thought that you and Jon would…”
“Thought we would what, Ryan?” Spencer asks in exasperation. “Run off to Canada and elope?”
“No! I don’t know what I thought! I’m sorry, Spence,” Ryan says sincerely.
“Well, okay then,” Spencer grumbles. “So, what were you doing with Brendon?”
Ryan laughs and pushes past Spencer, eventually sitting on the couch. “We were just hanging out.”
“Or making out,” Spencer says, leaning on the doorframe.
“We weren’t!” Ryan says, throwing a pillow. “Besides, Mikey was there too, remember? At any rate, you can’t really talk. I can only imagine what you and Jon were doing.”
Spencer sits down on the couch and begins happily blabbing about his perfect day with Jon for about two hours while Ryan spaces out. He dreams about Brendon until Spencer clears his throat. “Ryan!” he says.
“Sorry. What?”
“I want to know what you really think of Jon,” Spencer repeated.
“Oh,” Ryan says. He thought about it a minute. “He’s nice.”
“And…?”
“And, I think he’s good enough for you.”
Spencer’s eyes light up, because he knows that that’s the ultimate acceptance from Ryan. “Yes!” he cheers, hugging Ryan tight.
Ryan’s phone vibrates and he frees his arm to answer it. He looks at his new text (which is from “BrennyBear”!). It reads: hey ryro me n the gang r goin 2 c a band play u n spence wanna come?
He grins. “Spencer, want to go see a band play?”
“Uh, okay? Wait, who asked you?”
“Brendon.” At Spencer’s appalled look, he adds, “There’s a bunch of people going. You won’t be ruining anything.”
Spencer grins evilly. “You didn’t say that you don’t like Brendon anyway! That means you do like him.” Ryan shrugs and grins, and Spencer squeals. “Of course we have to go!” he says.
Ryan texts back, “we r in”.
A few moments later, he gets back: me n jon will get u. 10 mins.
“Ten minutes,” Ryan warns, and Spencer dashes away to change his shoes. Ryan laughs at him but doesn’t change anything.
Spencer’s only just barely back when there’s a knock on the door. Before Ryan starts for the door, he stops and says, “…Wait a minute. Spencer!”
“What?” Spencer asks, wrinkling his nose.
“How does Jon know where I live?”
Spencer pauses and blushes. “Uh, gee, Ryan I don’t know.” At Ryan’s unimpressed expression, he says, “He was only here for a minute.”
“Spencer! What were you two doing!?”
“Nothing extreme! We were just, um, making out. A little.”
Ryan rolls his eyes and pulls Spencer to the door. “I’m getting you back later. When your apartment is okay again.”
“What, you wanna bring Brendon there?”
Ryan glares and opens the door to find Brendon and Jon on his doorstep. Brendon is smiling sweetly, and says, “I’d be flattered.”
Ryan chooses to ignore this and asks, “What band is playing?” They all head over to a car, which is apparently Jon’s, because he gets in the driver’s seat. Spencer takes shotgun, and Brendon squeezes into the back with Ryan.
“New one,” Jon replies. “Antivalentine.”
“Cool,” Spencer says in a slightly squeaky voice.
“They’re pretty good, according to Brendon,” Jon says, smiling at Spencer. “Although admittedly, half of the bands Brendon says are ‘good’ totally suck.”
“None of my bands suck!” Brendon cries defensively.
“You listen to Peter Gabriel,” Ryan reminds him.
“What’s your point!?” Brendon screeches.
“Calm down, Bren,” Jon says. Ryan can hear the smile in his tone. “You don’t want to scare anyone away tonight.”
“I’m not looking for random hot strangers tonight, though,” Brendon says. He punches Ryan in the arm slightly. “I’m all set. And besides,” he goes on, ignoring Ryan’s flushed face, “I think that Marshall will be the one scaring guys away tonight.”
“Marshall?” Jon asks skeptically.
“He’s been perkier than me lately.” Brendon looks at Ryan and says, “Alex Marshall is one of Jon’s friends. He’s the bartender.”
“That’s true,” Jon admits. “I’ve been wondering what’s gotten in to him lately.” To Spencer, Jon says, “We’re gonna meet the other guys there. Pete and Patrick, you met them today- and Gabe, and Will, and probably Frank and Gerard. And maybe Gee’s brother, Mikey.”
“Awesome,” Spencer breathes, staring sappily at Jon. Jon in turn gives him a charming smile. It clearly makes Spencer melt even more, because he slumps in his seat, looks back at Ryan, and widens his eyes emphatically. Ryan gives him a thumbs up and grins at Brendon.
They arrive at the club and when they enter, they’re greeted by the rest of Brendon’s “gang”. Gabe and William quickly rush over to say hi to Ryan, and they all talk for a while.
Before too long, however, Gabe and William sneak off somewhere. Jon and Spencer are already long gone, and Mikey and Frank are apparently having some sort of argument. Ryan feels someone take his hand, and looks up to see that it’s Brendon. “Do you want to go outside?” Brendon whispers. Ryan nods and allows himself to be led outdoors.
Brendon brings him behind the club. None of the couples are there, which Ryan is surprised to see. He would probably wonder where Spencer was if it wasn’t for Brendon standing right in front of him. Well, he’s not standing for long- he pulls Ryan over to the wall and slides down it. Ryan carefully sits next to him too, and they both stare off into space for a while before anyone says anything.
“Ryan,” Brendon starts eventually.
“Yeah?” Ryan asks.
Brendon sighs and leans his head on Ryan’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have had so much Red Bull earlier.”
Ryan suppresses a laugh. “Why? What’s wrong?” he asks, looking down at the Brendon on his shoulder.
“I have a headache,” Brendon murmurs.
“I’m sorry.”
Brendon hums and is quiet for a minute. Then, he begins again, “Ryan, what do you think of me?”
Ryan opens his eyes wide. “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Uh, well, let’s see,” Ryan says. “You’re hyper. But it’s funny. And you’re nice, and, uh, outgoing?”
Brendon groans and Ryan wonders what he’s said wrong. “Is that all?” Brendon asks.
“Well, isn’t that what you meant? What did you want me to say?”
Lifting his head, Brendon looks Ryan directly in the eyes. “I wanted you to say that you like me,” he pouts.
Eyebrows furrowing, Ryan answers, “I do like you.”
“Not as in, ‘I’m glad we’re friends.’ I meant I wanted you to say you really like me. That you always want to be around me. That you think about me all the time. That you wish I was yours, and that you really want to kiss me.”
Ryan swallows. “Why would you want me to say something like that?” he squeaks.
Brendon looks away. “Because if you asked me what I thought of you, that’s what I would say,” he says wistfully.
Hardly able to believe what he’s hearing, Ryan asks, “Brendon, you like me?”
Brendon nods. “Plus, you’re really hot. And cute, too- there’s a difference.” He still aims his gaze away from Ryan.
Ryan looks down, almost wanting to cry for putting that miserable expression on an angel’s face. Suddenly, he has a burst of confidence, and puts both his arms around Brendon’s neck. “Brendon,” he says, smiling inside when Brendon looks at him once more, “I really like you. I always want to be around you. I think about you all the time. I wish I was yours, and right now, I want to kiss you more than ever before.” And Ryan closes the distance between their mouths.
Kissing Brendon is better than Ryan could ever have imagined (not that he hasn’t tried before). Brendon opens his mouth, and Ryan pushes forward. The inside tastes like Red Bull, just as Ryan suspected. “Mm,” he hums, and Brendon laughs into the kiss. He pulls Ryan down to lie on top of him. Brendon traces his fingers through Ryan’s hair, tongue dancing in Ryan’s mouth. And Ryan loves every second of it; eyes shut tight, imagining Brendon’s expression instead of looking for himself. They kiss for what seems like hours before Brendon sits up and pulls away.
“Ryan,” Brendon begins, a small smile twisting at his mouth.
Ryan exhales slowly, loving the sound of Brendon saying his name. “Yeah?” he asks quietly.
“We have an audience.”
Turning his head around slowly, Ryan realizes that Spencer, Jon, Gerard, Mikey, Frank, William, and Gabe are all standing in a line, watching. When they see Ryan looking at them, a round of applause begins to filter through the crowd. Spencer catches Ryan’s eye and gives him a thumbs up, a wide grin on his face. It’s enough for Ryan- he turns his head again and continues to kiss Brendon, pushing him back down, despite catcalls from Gabe and what sounds like a camera’s click from Jon’s direction, knowing that William and Spencer will take care of those two distractions in due time.
*
Epilogue-Three Months Later
brennybearx3: ryan are u there
ryhawk86: yes
brennybearx3: i just wanted 2 say I love u
ryhawk86: aww. ily2. and i keep meaning to say this- youre really hot. and cute
brennybearx3: im glad u said both
ryhawk86: well, theres a difference you know.
brennybearx3: tru dat
ryhawk86: …did you just say that? really? i hope i imagined that just now
brennybearx3: nope. sorry lovely lmao
ryhawk86: are you going to be in the back room today?
brennybearx3: lol yeah. as always. y?
ryhawk86: because mikey wont be ;)
Brendon looks away from his computer screen for a moment, grinning to himself. He is glad that Ryan loves him, and couldn’t ask for a better relationship. Ryan balances him out somehow, and in the same way, he also completes Ryan. They’ve both been living life from a new perspective.
ryhawk86: as long as you don’t try to rape me! :o
Sighing, Brendon thinks, And Brendon the Rapist lives on.
END.
Rating: PG-13 at most
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer (with hints of Gabe/William and Frank/Gerard)
POV: 3rd
Summary: Ryan tries hard not to like Spencer's new boyfriend, Jon, but he soon gets distracted by Jon's best friend, Brendon.
Disclaimer: Not real, untrue, I don't own them, etc.
Beta: srchxandxdstryAuthor Notes: Brendon doesn't really rape anybody!! It's an inside joke they come up with xD Oh and the title is from Ryan and Jon(The Young Veins)'s new song, Change. =)
A laugh catches in the back of Ryan’s throat and he tries desperately to hold it back. “No, Spencer,” he says, biting the inside of his lower lip. “You haven’t.”
Spencer, Ryan’s best friend, seems to brighten up at the prospect of a new story. Spencer really loves talking, and when Ryan had confirmed that Spencer had not yet told him about the guy he’d met in the park- well, Spencer was set for a good hour. “Well,” he begins, settling down on Ryan’s couch, “his name is Jon. Jon Walker.”
“Jon,” Ryan repeats, still trying not to burst out in laughter. After all, he, Ryan, had always been the gay one. Spencer had told Ryan only two days ago that he was gay. Of course, Ryan hadn’t had anything against it- holy hypocrisy- but the fact that Spencer was already going giggly over guys obviously meant that Spencer had been concealing his sexual preference for some time. This was all the more funny to Ryan, however, because Spencer was behaving exactly the way Ryan had before he came out.
“Yeah,” Spencer sighs, as though just the thought of this Jon character was enough to send him straight to heaven. At the sound of Ryan clearing his throat, however, Spencer blushes and decides to elaborate. “I’ll start with how he looks. He’s like, average height. Brown hair- and stubble. He’s really, really- really cute.” Spencer’s cheeks flush slightly brighter, and his tone changes into a slightly more serious one. “So, when I first saw him, he was taking pictures in the park. I still don’t even know why - I didn’t think to ask. But anyway, he was wearing flip flops. Very ugly, very old flip flops. So I went a little bit closer to see him better- his face was hidden by his camera, and I thought he’d be some dirty old hippie. But no! He moved the camera, and Ry - he is hot. Like seriously, totally, completely hot.”
Tossing a piece of popcorn in his mouth, Ryan chews and considers their situation. If they were straight, would they be at the gym right now, until closing, lifting weights and talking about their latest one night stands? But instead, they were sitting in Ryan’s living room on his giant couch, some chick-flick muted on the television screen, eating popcorn and gushing about guys. He quickly dismisses this idea however, hating the stereotype, and thinks up something to say quickly. “I thought you said he was cute,” he speculates.
Spencer blinks. “Yeah. He is.”
“You just called him hot.”
“Can’t he both?”
“Well, they’re different,” Ryan says thoughtfully. “‘Hot’ is like, ‘Damn, I want that guy in bed, now.’ ‘Cute’ is more like, ‘Aw! I want him to be the guy that picks me up from work, remembers my birthday, kisses me in public, and buys me a puppy for Christmas.’”
Laughing and grabbing a handful of Ryan’s popcorn, Spencer says, “That settles it. He’s both.” Through a mouthful of popcorn, he continues. “So I was sitting on a bench, like five feet from him. He moved his camera to look at something, and I was full-on staring at him. But instead of getting all creeped out, he smiled at me. And damn, Ry, when he smiles, it’s cute. Definitely ‘buy me a puppy please’ cute. His eyes get all crinkly around the edges and he looks like he’s your best friend! But anyway. He smiled at me, and he started coming over. And I was freaking out because I figured he thought I was either a crazy stalker or some on-the-fence neighborhood kid. But instead he was like, ‘Hi, I’m Jon.’ And he shook my hand. And when I shook his hand it felt like an electric shock! Oh my God, Ryan.”
Ryan scowls. “He sounds nice.” But instead, Ryan is thinking more along the lines of, This sounds like the kind of guy that will break your heart in a second. And he certainly doesn’t like that vibe. But by now, Spencer is talking about how they went for coffee and it turns out that, oh my God, he works at Starbucks and that’s so perfect and he’s so excited for Ryan to meet him-
Wait.
Well, well, welly well well! Spencer’s going to bring Jon around, huh? Perfect. Bring it on. Ryan will be the one to judge Jon when the time comes.
“Ryan?” Ryan looks up and finds Spencer staring at him, his head cocked to one side, clearly confused. “Why do you look so…I don’t know. Smug?”
“Sorry, Spence,” Ryan apologizes. “I can’t wait to meet Jon.” Before he lets Spencer’s grin get too big, however, he adds, “But be careful with him, okay?”
Spencer rolls his eyes and throws a pillow at Ryan. “He’s a good guy. So you better not scare him away.”
Ryan displays his less-than-impressive bicep and says, “C’mon, Spence, he could probably do with a little excitement.”
“Ryan, no! I really like this guy, okay?” Spencer’s tone is hilariously urgent.
“How do you know? You’ve only known him for like a day, right?”
Clearing his throat, Spencer looks down and says in a tiny voice, “Well, I met him four days ago, actually.” He looks up and when he sees Ryan’s nonchalant face, he asks, “You’re not mad, right?”
“Of course not. It’s obvious you haven’t been gay for only two days. Seriously? I waited like a year before telling you. And I’m glad that this guy you’re obsessing over isn’t someone you just met today.”
Spencer leans over and hugs his best friend. Ryan allows Spencer to keep leaning his head onto him for about a minute before saying, “Ahem.”
“This is a little more awkward to say than before because I’m out now, but, Ryan, I really love you.”
Ryan, still encased in Spencer’s hug, says, “Yeah, I love you too,” but senses a worry in Spencer and looks down at him. “What?” he asks.
Spencer looks up and asks quietly, “You’re happy for me, right?”
Ryan tries to hide his sigh. “Yeah, Spence,” he answers, and, putting his arm around Spencer’s back, he gives his friend a squeeze.
Jealousy? Maybe. Suspicion? Undoubtedly. Protectiveness? Probably. But whatever the purpose, Ryan certainly was not excited to meet Jon Walker.
*
“So, don’t interrogate him. Don’t glare at him. Don’t make him feel uncomfortable. Just- please don’t embarrass me, okay?” Spencer whispers all these commands as he leads the way to Jon’s place of employment - Starbucks. Ryan really isn’t in the mood for coffee, and he’s concerned that he will end up embarrassing Spencer - not that that’s his intention, but Spencer will certainly face-palm if Ryan goes too far in his questioning of Jon. But it’s been a good three weeks since Spencer first met this dream guy, and Ryan had to meet him sooner or later.
“I won’t do anything to make him hate you,” Ryan assures him. “Although, from the way you’ve been talking lately, I don’t know if that’s even possible.”
Spencer beams, and Ryan feels bad that he already dislikes Jon. But there’s a cavity of foreboding gnawing on the inside of his brain, and Ryan can’t forget it just yet.
They enter the coffee shop, and Spencer’s smile grows even bigger as he looks around and his eyes land on Jon. Jon is talking to some guy in an apron, but when he sees Spencer, he freezes. Jon smiles too, and Ryan can see what Spencer meant about the crinkly-eyes thing. His apron goes off and it’s handed to the guy he was talking to. Jon goes through the little door thing in the counter and heads over to Spencer, still smiling.
“Ryan!” Spencer mutters, elbowing him. “Stop frowning.”
Ryan subconsciously rubs his mouth- he hadn’t realized he was frowning, and he didn’t mean to make a bad first impression. He steps back slightly as Jon reaches Spencer and immediately pulls him in for a quick kiss.
“Jon,” Spencer says, stumbling over his words in the aftermath of what must have been one hell of a kiss (despite its short duration), “this is Ryan, my best friend. Ryan, this is Jon, my boyfriend.”
Jon sticks his hand out, smiling in a friendly way. “Nice to meet you, Ryan,” he says, not even looking confused when Ryan inspects his hand before shaking it.
“Nice to meet you too, Jon,” Ryan says firmly. “Spencer really likes you and if you hurt him I’ll kick your ass without any reservations.”
Spencer’s eyes widen in horror, but Jon simply grins even wider, saying, “I don’t think Spencer will be in need of your services, but thanks for the warning anyway, Ryan.” Ignoring the way Ryan raises one eyebrow, he turns to Spencer, who quickly wipes the murderous glare aimed at Ryan off of his face. “Lunch?” Jon asks kindly. Spencer nods, flustered, and the three set off out the doorway.
*
“So, Jon, do you have any pets?”
Spencer rolls his eyes at this pointless question and rests his chin on one hand, but Jon smiles politely at Ryan, as he has for all of the stupid questions, finishes chewing, and answers kindly. “Yeah,” he says, swallowing. “I have a cat named Dylan.”
“Cute,” Ryan says. He picks at his French fries, barely touched, but decides he’ll get fat if he eats them. “What about-”
“Ryan,” Spencer says finally, “how about you stop asking Jon every detail about his personal life?”
Jon says, “Nah, it’s alright. I mean, it wouldn’t be cool if Ryan here just assumed I was perfect.”
“You are perfect,” Spencer sighs, biting his lip.
“No one is,” Jon laughs, “but I try.” And Spencer kisses him.
Ryan looks pointedly away as this happens. Damn, he thinks, this guy really is perfect. Where’s mine? And the feeling in the bottom of his stomach is like a dull ache, reminding him pointedly that even though Ryan had been openly gay for years, he didn’t have anyone, while Spencer, who had come out only weeks ago, had already met the only perfect gay guy on the planet.
A phone rings, and Jon pulls away from Spencer, fumbling in his pocket. “Hello?” he greets the caller, licking his lips subconsciously. “Yeah. Thanks, Brendon.” He closes his phone and his gaze meets Spencer’s. “I have to go back to work,” he apologizes.
“Okay,” Spencer says breathlessly, and when Jon goes up to the counter in the restaurant to pay for their meals, he looks at Ryan and gushes, “Isn’t he awesome?”
“Yeah,” Ryan grumbles. Spencer doesn’t hear him, and is about to ask him to repeat himself when Jon reappears. “Care to walk me back?” he asks, grinning, and Spencer stands up so quickly that his chair falls over.
Walking back to Starbucks, Ryan stays mostly silent while Jon and Spencer talk random mush to each other. The walk isn’t that long, but it seems like miles as he registers how lonely he really is.
As they enter the shop again, which is slightly more crowded now, Jon turns to Spencer and kisses him quickly before saying, “Well, it’s been fun, but I have to go now.”
Spencer is about to reply when another guy comes up. “Jon, thank God you’re here!” he exclaims.
Ryan looks the guy over. He’s the same one Jon was talking to when Ryan and Spencer first showed up. His hair is a dark chocolate brown and smooth; his eyes are the same colour. He has a wide, full mouth that looks like it wants to smile despite its owner’s desperate tone. He’s a little bit shorter than Ryan, and overall, he looks friendly. And, Ryan hates to think it, really hot. And cute! Well, hell. There’re two guys on the planet that are both.
The boy continues. “We’re like, packed!” He gestures dramatically around the interior of the Starbucks. It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but maybe they aren’t used to being three quarters of the way full. “We really need your help!”
“Brendon, chill!” Jon laughs. “I’m coming.” Glancing at Spencer’s confused expression, he adds, “Spencer, this is my best friend, Brendon Urie. Brendon, this is my boyfriend, Spencer.” Brendon reaches out to shake hands, apparently forgiving how silly-giggly Spencer has just become at the word ‘boyfriend’, even though he said it himself earlier.
“Brendon,” Ryan echoes subconsciously. Wait - shit. Now Brendon’s giving him a weird look. “I’m uh-” he begins but Spencer stops him and says, “Nice to meet you, Brendon. This is my best friend, Ryan.”
“Hey, Ryan,” Brendon says with a smile. He shakes Ryan’s hand too, and it feels good. His grip isn’t too firm, unlike most of the world’s hand-shakers, and it seems friendly. Like a, “yeah, I actually want to be shaking your hand right now” kind of shake.
Spencer notices that Ryan isn’t going to let go anytime soon, and since Brendon’s starting to look confused, he says, “Well, Ryan, we should probably be going too.”
Dropping Brendon’s hand like it had been burned, Ryan says, “Uh, yeah. Let’s go.”
“Bye!” Jon calls as Spencer and Ryan high-tail it outta there.
Ryan can’t help looking back, and when he sees that Brendon is still watching him, he blushes and starts speed-walking in the other direction faster than ever.
“Whoa, Ryan!” Spencer says, trying to keep up. “There’s no fire.”
“There could be,” mumbles Ryan.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just want to get home.”
Spencer wrinkles his nose. “Is something wrong?”
Noticing his friend’s heavy breathing, Ryan slows his pace, guiltily remembering that not everyone’s legs are as long as his. “Yeah. Maybe.”
*
Hours later, around midnight, Spencer is asleep on Ryan’s couch. Ryan is still awake however, and he can’t seem to get to sleep. He keeps closing his eyes, opening them after only a few minutes, looking around, and slowly closing them again. Ryan doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for him to sleep tonight, but he decides that it’s not worth it to sit in this chair for hours, waiting for sleep that isn’t going to come.
He stands up, careful not to wake up Spencer, and heads to his kitchen. He quietly grabs his keys off of his counter, not fully understanding what he’s doing yet, but knowing that he’s going somewhere. Ryan also picks up his sweatshirt, leaves a note for Spencer should he wake up, and heads straight for the door. He pauses, watching Spencer sleep for a minute, then leaves silently.
Ryan finds himself walking around aimlessly for maybe ten minutes or so before it starts raining. Swearing lightly, he turns into a small bookstore- he’s never been inside it before, but it’s open, and that’s more than he can expect from any other places around here at this hour.
Looking around, Ryan remembers why he’s been avoiding this place for so long. It’s not a proper bookstore at all; it’s pretty much just full of comic books. There are posters of vampires and zombies all over the bland white walls, and the whole store gives off the same kind of impression Ryan used to get from the Goth kids back in high school. The man at the counter is hunched over a piece of paper, and though Ryan isn’t sure, it looks as though he’s scribbling out some kind of creepy picture. Ryan rolls his eyes, but walks over to the counter anyway. “Hi,” he says.
The man jumps and his pen explodes as it is squeezed too hard. It begins to leak on the floor, but the man says nothing; he just stares at Ryan, waiting.
“Um, I’m Ryan. It’s raining,” Ryan says lamely.
“Oh. I’m Gerard.” Gerard begins to stretch his hand out, although to shake, but when he notices that his hand is covered in black ink, he blushes and drops it to his side. “So, you’re in here because it’s raining?” he asks.
“Yeah, I guess. I’ve never been here before,” Ryan says.
“Oh,” Gerard says again. Perhaps he realizes how boring he sounds, because he adds, “Right now it’s just me, Mikey, and Brendon here, but you can chill here as long as you want. I basically close whenever I’m done drawing.”
“Cool. Thanks,” Ryan says, and he looks around the store again, wandering over to the nearest shelves.
“What do you do?” Gerard calls. Ryan turns with a confused expression, and Gerard elaborates, “Where do you work?”
Nodding in understanding, Ryan says slowly, “The record store. A few blocks from here?”
“Oh, yeah,” Gerard says, smiling slightly for the first time. “You know William and Gabe?”
“Yeah,” Ryan says, and he smiles too. “They’re cool to talk to when they aren’t in the back room making out.”
Gerard laughs. “That can get annoying.”
At that moment, a man whose features are slightly similar to Gerard’s comes through the doorway from the back room that leads to the area behind the counter. “Hey, Gee, do we have any-Who’s this?” The man looks Ryan up and down and smiles.
“This is Ryan. He’s a new friend,” Gerard says, winking at Ryan. “Ryan, this is my brother, Mikey. He works here too.”
“Hey,” Ryan says, in a tone that he hopes is friendly- he’s finally starting to get sleepy.
“Hey Ryan, nice to meet you. So, Gee, do we have any more Red Bull anywhere? Brendon’s practically throwing a fit back there.”
Gerard sighs. “I only have mine. It’s already been opened, but I only took a sip. He can have it.” Gerard reaches beneath the counter and pulls up a Red Bull. Handing it to Mikey, he says to Ryan, “Ever heard of our pal Brendon Urie? He doesn’t work here, he’s over at Starbucks, but he’s like, always here.”
Ryan freezes. “Um, no, can’t say I have,” he says, his voice squeaking a little bit with the lie. Why was he so tense? And why did he just say that? Well, he knows the reason - It’s uncool to remember people’s names that you just met if you like them, right? Or is that an old trend? Shit. What if Brendon comes out and he’s offended? No. Brendon won’t remember Ryan anyway. Ryan’s not very memorable-
“Nah, I met Ryan just today,” Brendon says, appearing in the doorway. “You’re Jon’s boyfriend’s best friend, aren’t you?” He aims this slightly confusing second question at Ryan.
“Oh, yeah,” Ryan says, plastering a smile across his face. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Good,” Brendon says with a smile. “It’d be embarrassing if you really didn’t remember me! Then again, it would be a nice reminder that I need to start doing something different.” He looks around. “So, did someone find me a Red Bull or what?”
Mikey hands Gerard’s slightly less full Red Bull to Brendon with a sigh. “If you drink too much of this stuff, you’re gonna die early.”
“What a morbid thing to say!” Brendon says in mock horror. He grins deviously and takes an extra long swig of Red Bull. “Mm, liquefied early death sentence.”
At this point, Ryan’s kind of just standing around silently (Gerard’s gone back to scribbling with a new pen), and Brendon notices him and says, “Hey, you wanna come hang in back with Mike and me?”
Mikey nods encouragingly, and Brendon’s smile is just breathtaking, so Ryan moves to the counter, then follows them into the back room.
The back room looks much friendlier than the outer store- instead of zombies and vampires, there are band posters, and there’s also a coffee machine, a microwave, a mini-fridge, and a small television currently projecting some documentary of The Beatles, with two Disney movies tossed on top of it. The room is a bit cramped, but there’s still room for a couch and two squashy armchairs that look very comfortable. There’s also a nightstand with a lamp that lights up the room much more than it looks like it should, some empty Red Bull cans, and two coffee mugs. Magazines litter the floor, and pens, markers, paper, and other art supplies occupy one of the chairs.
Ryan liked this room immediately, and he likes it just a little bit more when Brendon grabs his hand and pulls him over to the couch, bringing Ryan down to sit next to him. Mikey brings up the rear and falls into the empty chair. He sinks in to it and looks satisfied. His eyes wander to the television screen while Brendon turns and faces Ryan. “So, Ryan, where do you live?” he asks curiously, sipping his energy drink.
“Maybe…fifteen minutes from here?” Ryan says, trying to be cool while his mind is racing.
“Cool,” Brendon says. “Do you live with Spencer?”
“No, but he sleeps over a lot. In fact, he’s at my house right now. The roof of his apartment building is being fumigated.”
Brendon grins. “You’re lucky to have such a good-looking friend. Shame Jon got to him first.”
“Wow, Brendon,” Mikey laughs. “You’ve really outgayed yourself this time.”
Meanwhile, Ryan’s heart sinks just a tiny bit. Does Brendon like Spencer? Wait. Why should it matter? Oh yeah, Spencer is Ryan’s best friend- so he should want to make sure that Spencer is happy. And Spencer’s happy with Jon. That’s the only reason it’s important to him. Right?
Ryan pauses when he realizes Brendon’s staring at him in worriment. “I’m sorry,” Brendon says quickly. “I never told you I was gay, did I? I get really stupid sometimes.”
“It’s okay,” Ryan says. Quietly, he adds, “I’m gay too.”
He secretly hopes that Brendon won’t hear him say this, but when Brendon’s eyes return to their normal state of jovialness, he doesn’t mind. “Wow, that makes the whole crew!” Brendon jokes.
“Huh?” Ryan asks, his eyes darting to Mikey, who is eyeing Brendon in slight amusement.
“Well, if you’re gay, then I can actually say that all my friends are gay,” Brendon says happily.
Friends? They’re friends? Ryan grins slightly.
Brendon keeps going. “You are, and Spencer is, and Gerard is, and Mikey is, and Frank is, and Gabe is, and William is, and Pete is, and Patrick is, and Ray is, and Bob is, and Jon is.” He counts the names on his fingers.
“Brendon,” Mikey says, slightly abrasively.
Ignoring Mikey, Brendon looks at Ryan. “What?”
“Huh?” Ryan says again lamely, unsure of what he’s doing now.
“You just look kind of sad. Let’s talk about something else.” Ryan’s glad that Brendon suggests this himself. “So, where do you work?”
“Record store,” Ryan says.
“Cool! With Gabe and Will?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want a sip of my Red Bull?” Ryan is staring back at him, so he says, “You look kind of thirsty…?”
“Oh! Um, sure.” In reality, Ryan was just staring because Brendon is maybe the hottest (and cutest) guy on the planet, but he is actually kind of thirsty. When Brendon hands him the already half-empty can, he looks at it for a moment before taking a sip.
Damn! Ryan’s never had Red Bull before, and it’s got a certain kick to it that he hadn’t expected. It’s fizzy and delicious, and with just one sip Ryan feels more alive than ever before - his eyes widen slightly, and when he looks around at Brendon he knows what he wants to do. He wants to do Brendon, that is. And he’s sure his new “friend” won’t mind if Ryan leans over and gives him just a little kiss…
It’s over when Brendon snaps his fingers in Ryan’s face though. Ryan immediately blushes and, noticing that he’s about an inch closer to Brendon then before, he leans back, heat crawling up his neck.
“First time, huh?” Brendon says kindly, reaching over and gently taking back the can. “I’ve gotten used to it by now, but I know how Red Bull can make people behave.”
“‘Gotten used to it,’ Brendon?” Mikey asks, clearly trying not to laugh at Ryan’s moment of foolishness (Ryan is still blinking a bit more than usual, even after only one sip). “You’re the most hyper dude I’ve ever met.”
“But you love it, right?” Brendon asks, batting his eyelashes.
“I guess it kind of makes you Brendon,” Mikey admits.
“And you should see me when I’m actually drunk!” Brendon says to Ryan. “I’m all over the place! Well, I guess I’m like that anyway. But even more so!”
“Yikes,” Ryan says.
Brendon gives Ryan a hard look and turns pointedly away. Ryan’s eyes get wide again and he’s about to apologize, but then Brendon turns around and cracks up at Ryan’s expression. “I’m just messing with you!” Brendon says, putting his arm around Ryan and massaging his shoulder a bit.
Ryan blushes even more at this action, which Mikey does not fail to notice. “Jesus, Brendon, don’t rape the poor guy!”
“I’m not raping,” Brendon says indignantly. “You don’t mind, do you, Ryan?”
“No,” Ryan says, his eyes huge and going completely numb in his right shoulder, which Brendon was still massaging.
“Well, now he feels obligated to say ‘no!’” Mikey contradicts him. “You’re totally raping him, you rapist.”
Brendon pulls Ryan a little closer to him and says defensively, “I am not a rapist! Ryan’s our newest friend! I’m allowed to touch him, Mike.”
“But you’re not allowed to rape him.”
“I am not a-”
“Spencer’s probably wondering where I am,” Ryan says, jumping up suddenly. He feels a disturbance in the force coming on, and he doesn’t know how he would explain it without getting laughed at, so he pulls out a lame excuse.
“Well, okay,” Mikey says, looking slightly startled. “Come see us again, dude.”
“Yeah, I will, but for now I gotta go. Bye!” Ryan says this a little too quickly, even for his own liking, but at this point an issue is certainly starting to arise, and he spins around and leaves without further ado.
“Hey,” Gerard says, looking up and smiling as Ryan comes through the doorway. “Leaving?”
“Yeah,” Ryan says, starting to get a bit antsy.
“Way to scare away our new friend!” Brendon says to Mikey, loud and clear from the back room.
“I scared him? You’re the rapist! That’s your new title! Brendon the Rapist!”
Gerard looks into the back room for a moment, then looks back at Ryan, who is gazing at the exit and blushing profusely. Lowering his voice, he asks, “Did they really scare you? Or are they just being slightly intimidating dumbasses?”
“The second one,” Ryan says quickly, ready to get out of there, unsure of whether he’s about to laugh or to choke.
“Give me your number,” Gerard says. “We should all hang out sometime. I’ll invite Frank, too- he’s my boyfriend. He keeps them grounded. And Will and Gabe, if you want?”
“Sure,” Ryan says. This actually sounds pretty good to him- he doesn’t have many friends- so he writes his name and number atop Gerard’s scary picture of what looks like a zombie growling.
“And you can come hang out anytime,” Gerard says kindly. He and Ryan say goodbye, and Ryan leaves as hastily as he can without seeming rude. The rain has stopped, so the walk home is fairly uneventful.
When Ryan gets back to his house, Spencer is still snoring away on the couch. Ryan heads to the kitchen, crumples up the note he left, takes off his sweatshirt, and gazes down in the direction of his pants. Sighing, he pouts his lips and wishes that for once he could have a chance with the guy he really likes.
*
“Do you have work today?” Spencer asks through the bathroom door.
Ryan’s staring at his reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror, prodding at his face and hoping that he’s not this bad-looking in everyone else’s eyes. “No,” he calls.
“I’m going to see Jon at Starbucks today! Do you want to come?”
“Nah, thanks.”
“Maybe Brendon’ll be there.”
Ryan pauses in alarm. He whips open the bathroom door and finds Spencer leaning against the wall, grinning. “Why would it matter if Brendon’s there or not?” he asks hastily, trying to sound cool but failing dismally.
Luckily, Spencer never seems to notice this sort of thing. “Well, Jon says he’s single,” he starts grinning guiltily. “And he’s pretty hot.”
Ryan mumbles, “Yeah, he said the same thing about you.”
Spencer fails to notice this comment. “Anyway, I just thought that maybe you’d-”
“Nope,” Ryan says, and abruptly shuts the door again. He hears Spencer grumbling and trudging away. He feels bad, but God forbid Spencer find out about his little crush- he’d probably blab to Jon, and even though Jon doesn’t seem to be the kind of guy that blows secrets, Ryan can’t help but think that the whole mess would somehow be leaked to Brendon. And how embarrassing would it be to have Brendon find out through some high-schoolish grapevine? Besides, since Ryan can’t even figure out why he likes the guy so much, there is room to pretend he doesn’t like him. In other words, Ryan’s got the right to denial, at least until Brendon makes a move. It’s been six days since Ryan last went to Gerard’s comic store, and he’s almost afraid to risk going back.
Ryan goes back to staring at his reflection. He runs his fingers through his hair- does Brendon think his haircut is ugly? He scratches his nose- does Brendon think his nose is shaped funny? He blinks- does Brendon think that his eyes are a strange colour? Does Brendon think his eyelashes are too long? Does Brendon think that his lips are too small? Does Brendon think his face is too wide? What does Brendon think of him!?
He sighs and squeezes his eyes shut, unable to comprehend why he feels so insecure about himself at the thought of Brendon. Ryan’s never really thought about his looks before, but for some reason they seem extremely important now.
Sighing again, Ryan reopens his eyes, gives himself one last look, and then opens the bathroom door. He heads into his living room and is relieved to see Spencer still sitting on his couch. “Spence, do you think I’m ugly?” he asks.
Spencer looks up with a start and frowns. “No, not at all..! Why?”
“I don’t know.” Ryan sits on the couch next to Spencer and leans his head on his friend’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything else.
Spencer’s a little surprised at Ryan’s behaviour, because he usually never acts like this. “Ryan?” he asks tentatively.
“Yeah?” Ryan mumbles, his tone somber.
“Is something wrong?”
“I dunno.” Ryan shuts his eyes and takes in Spencer’s scent.
Spencer leaves it at that for a while, but eventually he says, “I’m gonna go see Jon now.”
Ryan hums in acknowledgement but doesn’t move. Sighing and standing, Spencer asks, “Do you want me to bring you back a coffee?” Ryan could swear he also heard him muttering, “Or a Brendon?”
“No,” Ryan mumbles forlornly. He falls down onto his side and sighs.
Spencer pauses, unsure of what to do. He looks at how depressed Ryan seems to be, and says, “You really like this guy, don’t you?”
Lifting up his head weakly, Ryan asks, “What? What guy?” Please don’t say Brendon, he thinks.
“I don’t know,” Spencer says, and Ryan bites back a sigh of relief. “But whoever it is- you got it bad, don’t you?”
Ryan nods sadly, and Spencer reaches down to ruffle his hair. “I won’t be gone long,” he promises.
When Spencer is gone, Ryan decides to sit up and look at this situation from a reasonable point of view. He lays out some questions: First of all, what does he really think of Brendon? Second, what does he want? And third, what can he do to make whatever he want happen?
Alright. Well, Brendon was great in the looks department- if Ryan had a “type”, Brendon would fit the bill perfectly. He had great eyes that could make anyone smile, his lips were plush and perfect, and not to mention that ass- yep, Brendon was hot for sure. But he was cute, too, and that was what really mattered. He was funny, and didn’t seem like he was ever mean. Brendon was cheerful and nice, which were great- and rare- qualities in any guy these days. So what did Ryan think of him? Ryan thought hard and decided that yes, he really did have a thing for this guy.
So, the next question. What does Ryan want? He wants Brendon, that’s easy enough to say, but more than that. Ryan wants a friend. That is to say, Ryan wants a boyfriend that can be his friend too. He wants someone that’ll be close to him besides Spencer; someone that will love him unconditionally despite the stupid things he does. Ryan wants someone to love that will laugh with him and cry with him and pick him up when he has fallen. Overall, Brendon seems perfect. So, Ryan wants to fall in love with Brendon, to keep it simple.
The last question - maybe the hardest. How can Ryan get what he wants? Well, he supposes, he should probably start getting to know Brendon more. He should try to talk to Brendon whenever the opportunity arises. In fact, maybe he could try finding him now.
Ryan stands up, brushes himself off, and looks around. His keys are on the coffee table, and he grabs them, putting them in his pocket to make sure he doesn’t simply put them down and forget the whole thing. Ryan panics slightly as he finds himself heading towards the doorway, but by the time he’s outside his confidence has been regained. He decides to go to Gerard’s comic store again on the off chance that Brendon’ll be there. Even if Brendon’s at work, like Spencer suggested, he’ll show up eventually, right?
So Ryan starts in the direction of the store. When he finally reaches it and enters, he smiles at the sight of Gerard scribbling at his desk. “Hi,” he says.
Gerard jumps slightly, apparently not having heard the door opening, but relaxes when he sees it’s Ryan. “Hey,” he says, and with a grin, adds, “Come back for more?”
Ryan rolls his eyes, secretly glad that he can act so confident when he’s really scared out of his mind. “Yeah.” He walks over to Gerard’s desk and sits on it, surveying the scary Goth teenagers that fill the store, huddling over slasher comics, along with the nerds cheerfully debating superheroes. “Your customers are kind of funny,” he comments.
Gerard smiles sheepishly. “It’s funnier that I know them all by name.” He stretches and looks sideways into the back room. “Mikey’s back there,” he says, lowering his voice, “but Brendon won’t be here for another half an hour or so.”
“What?” Ryan jumps and looks closely at Gerard. “What makes you think I’m here for-”
“It’s okay,” Gerard says kindly. “I could tell last night. I didn’t say anything, and I won’t if you don’t want me to, so long as you admit it.” He smirks.
Sighing, Ryan gives a sad smile, accepting defeat. “Okay, I admit it,” he whispers. “And please don’t say anything. I’m kind of trying to work it out on my own.”
“Understandable,” Gerard says. He pauses. “Just saying right now, though, you have a good chance with him.”
“Yeah?”
“Definitely.” Gerard nods and smiles lightly. “Brendon’s a guy that knows what he wants, and when he wants a guy, there’s no bullshit. You’ll probably know, even if he doesn’t outright say anything.”
Ryan’s mood lightens considerably after that, and he continues talking to Gerard for a while, just getting to know him. Ryan thinks Gerard is really cool, and he’s glad that they met. After a while, he decides to go chill with Mikey, and heads into the back room.
When he enters, Ryan is slightly surprised to see that in his absence, the room has been turned upside-down.
Figuratively speaking, of course. In reality, Mikey’s just been tearing the room completely apart. The nightstand has been overturned, and the lamp lies on the floor, luckily unbroken. The art supplies from the chair have been tossed every which way. Random items have been flung onto the couch and floor, and there’s a can of Red Bull slowly emptying itself onto the carpet. In other words, the room is a mess, and Mikey is currently behind the sofa, muttering curse words to himself.
“Um, Mikey?” Ryan asks, doubtful of his decision to enter this danger zone.
Mikey sits up straight in surprise. “Oh, um, hey Ryan. You haven’t seen a Peter Gabriel CD anywhere, have you?”
“Nooo…?”
“Well, can you help me look? It’s Brendon’s, and if he finds out I lost it he’ll go all angry mutant on me.”
“Brendon listens to Peter Gabriel?” Ryan tries not to laugh.
“Yeah, he does, and more importantly, this CD is one of his most prized possessions. Please help me look!”
Ryan agrees, and kneels in the corner of the room, sifting through rubbish. After a while, he thinks he’s caught a glimpse of a CD case underneath the chair next to him, and puts his ass in the air as he squints in the darkness underneath the chair. He sticks his arm in the small space, groping around for it.
“Well, hello there, Ryan’s Ass,” says a familiar voice in the doorway. “I don’t think we’ve been properly acquainted yet.”
Ryan finally reaches the CD and, pulling it out, sits up straight as fast as he can. He blushes and says, “Um, hey Brendon,” he says. His eyes are wide in embarrassment, which Brendon laughs at. Cursing himself silently, Ryan says weakly, “I’ve got your CD.”
“Ah, Peter Gabriel?” Brendon asks, his eyes lighting up. “I didn’t even realize I’d left it here!” (Mikey groans in the corner.) He moves closer to Ryan and takes the CD from Ryan’s outstretched hand.
Ryan stands up slowly and brushes some dirt off of the knees of his pants. Avoiding direct eye contact with Brendon, he walks over to the couch, picks a sweatshirt off of it, and sits down delicately. Mikey’s already seated in one of the armchairs, surveying Brendon with a significant look. Brendon glances at Mikey for a moment, confused, but seems to shake it off and sits next to Ryan, peeling off his striped scarf and ignoring the stuff he’s sitting on. “How long have you been here?” he asks Ryan.
“Uh, like half an hour,” Ryan answers, noting how awkward he feels and wishing he were more cool.
“Oh,” Brendon says. He stretches forward so he can reach the mini-fridge and rummages around in it for a drink. During this time, Ryan lets his eyes wander to the exposed skin on Brendon’s back, leading down to one of his finest assets. He flushes, but can’t tear his eyes away. Finally he does, and when he looks up Mikey is silently laughing at him. Shit, does everyone know he has a thing for Brendon?
When his conscience drifts back into the conversation, Brendon is in the middle of a hearty debate with Mikey about whether or not Aladdin is cool. “Come on, he’s like a total badass!” Brendon argues. “He lives life on the run. And he gets the girl. After fighting some power-hungry psycho- and his parrot- and winning! You’ve got to admit that Aladdin is the best.”
Mikey scoffs. “Dude, it’s a Disney movie. Besides, if you really think about it, you realize that all Aladdin does is race around in some ridiculous outfit, taking what isn’t his and then getting all surprised when bad things come from it. And he just expects that Jasmine will like him, even though he’s a poor dumbass with a creepy little monkey.”
“Abu is the shit!”
“He’s a thieving little fucker, that’s what he is! And he lies to Jasmine about who he is. Are you saying that’s okay?”
“Of course I’m not!” Brendon answers, indignant. “But he loves her! And she forgives him, doesn’t she? And anyway, Aladdin comes up with the way to defeat Jafar after he becomes the most powerful sultan in the world!”
“Oh, please! Ryan, what do you think?” Mikey demands.
Slowly, Ryan - completely terrified - responds, “Uh, I think Aladdin is cool.” To be truthful, Ryan never even watched that movie. But whatever.
“Ha!” Brendon puts his arm around Ryan and pulls him close. “Two to one, Aladdin is awesome!”
“Aladdin is lame,” Gerard calls from the front desk, and Mikey smirks.
“What!?” Brendon shrieks, and drops Ryan immediately. He scrambles up and out the door, and can be heard giving Gerard a piece of his mind.
Ryan doesn’t move until Mikey clears his throat. He looks up, and Mikey says in a low voice, “You and Brendon, huh?”
“Um, I’m sorry?”
“You like him, don’t you?”
“Uh…”
“Yeah, you do.” Mikey smiles to himself. “Don’t act so stressed. He’s already calling you a friend, right? You’re doing fine. Just be cool.”
Ryan peers at the doorway for a moment, frowning. Then, he asks, “What do you mean, ‘be cool?’”
“Just- pretend he’s Spencer.”
“Yuck!” Ryan exclaims, imagining having a crush on Spencer.
“I meant, like, act the way you do around Spencer when you’re around Bren.”
“Overprotective?”
“No.”
“Moody?”
“Um, no.”
Ryan thought a moment. “Uh, normal?”
“You’ve got it.”
At that point Brendon appeared in the doorway. “I convinced Gerard to see the light,” he says, dropping himself onto the couch right next to Ryan. “That means Team Aladdin wins.”
“You must be so proud,” says Mikey, rolling his eyes.
“We sure are,” Brendon says. He puts his arm around Ryan again. “Right, Ryan?”
“Yeah. I feel pretty accomplished, all right,” Ryan says. “I said, ‘I think Aladdin is cool.’ Now I’ve got something to put on my résumé.”
Brendon frowns in mock disapproval. “That better not be sarcasm I’m detecting.”
It’s Ryan’s turn to roll his eyes. “And if it is?”
“Then you’re a square, and I’m kicking you out of Team Aladdin.”
Heart racing, Ryan takes a chance. “Well, if I’m not a part of Team Aladdin anymore, you’re not allowed to keep putting your hands on me like this.” He eyes Brendon’s arm around his shoulder.
Brendon gasps and looks at Mikey, saying, “I’m faced with a tough decision here, Mikey.”
Mikey grins. “I say he’s a keeper.”
“Yeah, but you’re not on the team.” Brendon eyes Ryan dubiously and says, “Well, I guess you can stay…”
“Oh, boy!” says Ryan.
“…But watch that attitude!” Brendon laughs and pokes Ryan in the stomach. Ryan, being extremely ticklish, lets out a bloodcurdling yelp and clutches his stomach.
“What the hell was that?” Mikey asks in alarm.
“Um, nothing,” Ryan chokes out, but when he sees Brendon’s expression, he gulps. Brendon looks extremely mischievous and grins in evil glee before poking Ryan’s stomach again. When Ryan lets out a half-strangled noise, Brendon says, “Yep, this might come in useful.”
“Useful for what?” Ryan shrieks, standing up and backing away from Brendon. Luckily, as Brendon stands up, Ryan’s phone rings and he answers quickly. “Hello?”
“Ryan, where the hell are you?” Spencer scolds.
“In the back room of a shady store with a punk and a rapist,” Ryan says, emphasizing the last part. Brendon scoffs, but Ryan just grins. “Where are you? I thought you went to see Jon.”
“It’s been two hours, Ryan! I thought you weren’t feeling good today.”
“Why did you think that?”
“Because you were being all mopey and mysterious!”
“Oh. Yeah,” Ryan says sheepishly. He hadn’t realized Spencer would worry.
“And what do you mean you’re in the back room of a shady store with a punk and a rapist!?” Spencer says this very loudly, and Mikey and Brendon both hear. They start laughing, of course, and Ryan tries hard not to follow suit.
“Relax. The punk is Mikey Way, and the rapist is just Brendon.”
“Oh-ho-ho!” Spencer says triumphantly. “You’re with Brendon, are you?” He pauses. “Jon’s mentioned Mikey and his brother before…What’s his name? Gerald?”
“Gerard.”
“Right. Well, I guess that’s okay then. But come home soon, okay? I’m bored.”
“Yeah, I will,” Ryan says. After another minute or so, he hangs up, and Brendon pounces.
He pins Ryan to the wall easily with just one arm, and pokes Ryan in the stomach repeatedly. “I am not a rapist!” he says.
Between giggles, Ryan says, “Okay. Not a rapist. Got it.”
Brendon continues poking. “And Aladdin is cool,” he prods.
“Aladdin is super cool!” Ryan squeaks.
“And what is your number?”
Ryan wiggles, trying to escape, and says, “What?”
“I never got yours and you never got mine. C’mon, what is it?” So he lets Ryan go, and they exchange phones.
“I gotta go,” Ryan says, handing Brendon’s phone back. Taking his own, he sees that Brendon has made his contact name “BrennyBear”. He smiles, and says, “See you guys later.
“Later,” Mikey says, switching on the TV.
“Totes magotes,” says Brendon cheerfully, and Ryan smiles to himself again before leaving.
“How’d it go?” Gerard asks, looking up from his drawing.
Ryan sticks his thumb up and leaves the store in an awesome mood. He even grins at some Goth kids through the window.
On his way home, Ryan’s pretty much ecstatic. Brendon wanted his number. Brendon had put his arm around him again. Brendon had maybe even been flirting with Ryan.
And ‘BrennyBear’? Ryan almost walks right into traffic thinking about that. When he reaches his house, he enters and almost runs into Spencer, who has been waiting by the door. “Hell, Ryan!” Spencer says, and hugs his best friend.
“Um, hello, Spencer,” Ryan says.
“Would it kill you to leave a note or something?” Spencer releases Ryan and frowns at him.
“Sorry, I thought that you and Jon would…”
“Thought we would what, Ryan?” Spencer asks in exasperation. “Run off to Canada and elope?”
“No! I don’t know what I thought! I’m sorry, Spence,” Ryan says sincerely.
“Well, okay then,” Spencer grumbles. “So, what were you doing with Brendon?”
Ryan laughs and pushes past Spencer, eventually sitting on the couch. “We were just hanging out.”
“Or making out,” Spencer says, leaning on the doorframe.
“We weren’t!” Ryan says, throwing a pillow. “Besides, Mikey was there too, remember? At any rate, you can’t really talk. I can only imagine what you and Jon were doing.”
Spencer sits down on the couch and begins happily blabbing about his perfect day with Jon for about two hours while Ryan spaces out. He dreams about Brendon until Spencer clears his throat. “Ryan!” he says.
“Sorry. What?”
“I want to know what you really think of Jon,” Spencer repeated.
“Oh,” Ryan says. He thought about it a minute. “He’s nice.”
“And…?”
“And, I think he’s good enough for you.”
Spencer’s eyes light up, because he knows that that’s the ultimate acceptance from Ryan. “Yes!” he cheers, hugging Ryan tight.
Ryan’s phone vibrates and he frees his arm to answer it. He looks at his new text (which is from “BrennyBear”!). It reads: hey ryro me n the gang r goin 2 c a band play u n spence wanna come?
He grins. “Spencer, want to go see a band play?”
“Uh, okay? Wait, who asked you?”
“Brendon.” At Spencer’s appalled look, he adds, “There’s a bunch of people going. You won’t be ruining anything.”
Spencer grins evilly. “You didn’t say that you don’t like Brendon anyway! That means you do like him.” Ryan shrugs and grins, and Spencer squeals. “Of course we have to go!” he says.
Ryan texts back, “we r in”.
A few moments later, he gets back: me n jon will get u. 10 mins.
“Ten minutes,” Ryan warns, and Spencer dashes away to change his shoes. Ryan laughs at him but doesn’t change anything.
Spencer’s only just barely back when there’s a knock on the door. Before Ryan starts for the door, he stops and says, “…Wait a minute. Spencer!”
“What?” Spencer asks, wrinkling his nose.
“How does Jon know where I live?”
Spencer pauses and blushes. “Uh, gee, Ryan I don’t know.” At Ryan’s unimpressed expression, he says, “He was only here for a minute.”
“Spencer! What were you two doing!?”
“Nothing extreme! We were just, um, making out. A little.”
Ryan rolls his eyes and pulls Spencer to the door. “I’m getting you back later. When your apartment is okay again.”
“What, you wanna bring Brendon there?”
Ryan glares and opens the door to find Brendon and Jon on his doorstep. Brendon is smiling sweetly, and says, “I’d be flattered.”
Ryan chooses to ignore this and asks, “What band is playing?” They all head over to a car, which is apparently Jon’s, because he gets in the driver’s seat. Spencer takes shotgun, and Brendon squeezes into the back with Ryan.
“New one,” Jon replies. “Antivalentine.”
“Cool,” Spencer says in a slightly squeaky voice.
“They’re pretty good, according to Brendon,” Jon says, smiling at Spencer. “Although admittedly, half of the bands Brendon says are ‘good’ totally suck.”
“None of my bands suck!” Brendon cries defensively.
“You listen to Peter Gabriel,” Ryan reminds him.
“What’s your point!?” Brendon screeches.
“Calm down, Bren,” Jon says. Ryan can hear the smile in his tone. “You don’t want to scare anyone away tonight.”
“I’m not looking for random hot strangers tonight, though,” Brendon says. He punches Ryan in the arm slightly. “I’m all set. And besides,” he goes on, ignoring Ryan’s flushed face, “I think that Marshall will be the one scaring guys away tonight.”
“Marshall?” Jon asks skeptically.
“He’s been perkier than me lately.” Brendon looks at Ryan and says, “Alex Marshall is one of Jon’s friends. He’s the bartender.”
“That’s true,” Jon admits. “I’ve been wondering what’s gotten in to him lately.” To Spencer, Jon says, “We’re gonna meet the other guys there. Pete and Patrick, you met them today- and Gabe, and Will, and probably Frank and Gerard. And maybe Gee’s brother, Mikey.”
“Awesome,” Spencer breathes, staring sappily at Jon. Jon in turn gives him a charming smile. It clearly makes Spencer melt even more, because he slumps in his seat, looks back at Ryan, and widens his eyes emphatically. Ryan gives him a thumbs up and grins at Brendon.
They arrive at the club and when they enter, they’re greeted by the rest of Brendon’s “gang”. Gabe and William quickly rush over to say hi to Ryan, and they all talk for a while.
Before too long, however, Gabe and William sneak off somewhere. Jon and Spencer are already long gone, and Mikey and Frank are apparently having some sort of argument. Ryan feels someone take his hand, and looks up to see that it’s Brendon. “Do you want to go outside?” Brendon whispers. Ryan nods and allows himself to be led outdoors.
Brendon brings him behind the club. None of the couples are there, which Ryan is surprised to see. He would probably wonder where Spencer was if it wasn’t for Brendon standing right in front of him. Well, he’s not standing for long- he pulls Ryan over to the wall and slides down it. Ryan carefully sits next to him too, and they both stare off into space for a while before anyone says anything.
“Ryan,” Brendon starts eventually.
“Yeah?” Ryan asks.
Brendon sighs and leans his head on Ryan’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have had so much Red Bull earlier.”
Ryan suppresses a laugh. “Why? What’s wrong?” he asks, looking down at the Brendon on his shoulder.
“I have a headache,” Brendon murmurs.
“I’m sorry.”
Brendon hums and is quiet for a minute. Then, he begins again, “Ryan, what do you think of me?”
Ryan opens his eyes wide. “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Uh, well, let’s see,” Ryan says. “You’re hyper. But it’s funny. And you’re nice, and, uh, outgoing?”
Brendon groans and Ryan wonders what he’s said wrong. “Is that all?” Brendon asks.
“Well, isn’t that what you meant? What did you want me to say?”
Lifting his head, Brendon looks Ryan directly in the eyes. “I wanted you to say that you like me,” he pouts.
Eyebrows furrowing, Ryan answers, “I do like you.”
“Not as in, ‘I’m glad we’re friends.’ I meant I wanted you to say you really like me. That you always want to be around me. That you think about me all the time. That you wish I was yours, and that you really want to kiss me.”
Ryan swallows. “Why would you want me to say something like that?” he squeaks.
Brendon looks away. “Because if you asked me what I thought of you, that’s what I would say,” he says wistfully.
Hardly able to believe what he’s hearing, Ryan asks, “Brendon, you like me?”
Brendon nods. “Plus, you’re really hot. And cute, too- there’s a difference.” He still aims his gaze away from Ryan.
Ryan looks down, almost wanting to cry for putting that miserable expression on an angel’s face. Suddenly, he has a burst of confidence, and puts both his arms around Brendon’s neck. “Brendon,” he says, smiling inside when Brendon looks at him once more, “I really like you. I always want to be around you. I think about you all the time. I wish I was yours, and right now, I want to kiss you more than ever before.” And Ryan closes the distance between their mouths.
Kissing Brendon is better than Ryan could ever have imagined (not that he hasn’t tried before). Brendon opens his mouth, and Ryan pushes forward. The inside tastes like Red Bull, just as Ryan suspected. “Mm,” he hums, and Brendon laughs into the kiss. He pulls Ryan down to lie on top of him. Brendon traces his fingers through Ryan’s hair, tongue dancing in Ryan’s mouth. And Ryan loves every second of it; eyes shut tight, imagining Brendon’s expression instead of looking for himself. They kiss for what seems like hours before Brendon sits up and pulls away.
“Ryan,” Brendon begins, a small smile twisting at his mouth.
Ryan exhales slowly, loving the sound of Brendon saying his name. “Yeah?” he asks quietly.
“We have an audience.”
Turning his head around slowly, Ryan realizes that Spencer, Jon, Gerard, Mikey, Frank, William, and Gabe are all standing in a line, watching. When they see Ryan looking at them, a round of applause begins to filter through the crowd. Spencer catches Ryan’s eye and gives him a thumbs up, a wide grin on his face. It’s enough for Ryan- he turns his head again and continues to kiss Brendon, pushing him back down, despite catcalls from Gabe and what sounds like a camera’s click from Jon’s direction, knowing that William and Spencer will take care of those two distractions in due time.
*
Epilogue-Three Months Later
brennybearx3: ryan are u there
ryhawk86: yes
brennybearx3: i just wanted 2 say I love u
ryhawk86: aww. ily2. and i keep meaning to say this- youre really hot. and cute
brennybearx3: im glad u said both
ryhawk86: well, theres a difference you know.
brennybearx3: tru dat
ryhawk86: …did you just say that? really? i hope i imagined that just now
brennybearx3: nope. sorry lovely lmao
ryhawk86: are you going to be in the back room today?
brennybearx3: lol yeah. as always. y?
ryhawk86: because mikey wont be ;)
Brendon looks away from his computer screen for a moment, grinning to himself. He is glad that Ryan loves him, and couldn’t ask for a better relationship. Ryan balances him out somehow, and in the same way, he also completes Ryan. They’ve both been living life from a new perspective.
ryhawk86: as long as you don’t try to rape me! :o
Sighing, Brendon thinks, And Brendon the Rapist lives on.
END.