Valentines Day
It was the worst Valentines Day ever... I had to work (which did not matter). I was in such a good mood that day. Then I saw Louise's sister and mother. They came through my line and acted like I was shit... It had been the first time I had seen them since before Christmas. It hurt but I was ok.... Then I saw Dad's mom the first time since the funeral. I felt my heart cracking slowly. My eyes had tears closely behind them. But I attempted to make it. I was still pretending to be giggly. I mentioned to a guy I worked with and asked him why I only was crushing over men I could not have. He said it was because it was forbidden and that when he was studying to be a minister women would try to seduce him because it was a turn on.......... Then he said "Maybe you just miss your dad"..... Still holding on....barely. Then the man that made that my flower arrangement walked in. Along with one of my dad's coworkers.
I lost whatever I had left. It was too much... Why after all this time was this happening on one day? One day? Sure to see people I haven't seen since the funeral was going to be hard but why all on one day. I was a wreck the entire day, crying in between customers. They sent me to lunch and I was too embarrassed to sit in the break room. I went to my car instead. Turn on the radio then I hear the first song on his ipod. The 3 doors song that got my first tear the day he was buried... I finally regained my cool 30 minutes prior to leaving work that day prepared to lose it again when I left. It was embarrassing enough to be crying on valentines day because people think that is what you are crying about.
When I got home to tell my mother what a horrible day I had had. She informed me I had a message on the machine and it was not going to help. The message started " We are calling regarding the finances of the late _______________ (my dads name).... I cried myself to sleep...
I lost whatever I had left. It was too much... Why after all this time was this happening on one day? One day? Sure to see people I haven't seen since the funeral was going to be hard but why all on one day. I was a wreck the entire day, crying in between customers. They sent me to lunch and I was too embarrassed to sit in the break room. I went to my car instead. Turn on the radio then I hear the first song on his ipod. The 3 doors song that got my first tear the day he was buried... I finally regained my cool 30 minutes prior to leaving work that day prepared to lose it again when I left. It was embarrassing enough to be crying on valentines day because people think that is what you are crying about.
When I got home to tell my mother what a horrible day I had had. She informed me I had a message on the machine and it was not going to help. The message started " We are calling regarding the finances of the late _______________ (my dads name).... I cried myself to sleep...