Too Long.
Its Beennnn Forever since i last wrote in this thing and soo much has changed and i feel the need to get alot off my chest. Things have gotten pretty hectic. As of Sep 2008 Erik had broken my heart. Which is a very long story. After agreeing to go on break with him because he kept a girl a secret from me for 6 months.. After we decided this (even though he didnt want to do the break) he ended up kissing more then one girl which really upset me because i hadnt kissed anyone. After a month or so of fighting and argueing and my jealousy we talked on the phone and decided to end it the night before our 1 year and 11 month anniversery. For many months i became a wreck. i Didnt sleep i wouldnt eat i found myself going down a very bad road and i honestly didnt care. I got an attitude and just took it out on everyone. I cried the majority of my days. I had never felt so lost in my life. I wanted help but it seemed like no one could truely help me. I just wanted erik back and that was it. after 2 months of being brokenn up. Erik and his mom moved back to Orlando which upset me more because i didnt want to see him cause i knew i wouldnt be able to continue getting over him if he was right in front of me. But there was nothing i could do to avoid it he was always around because all my friends were his friends and I Just turned into a ball a fire that was angry at the world. I hated how mean erik was to me. I was treated like dirt and as if i was nothing to him the past 2 years we had been together. It made me second guess everything he had said to me. Made me think that all those promises he had made to me were so fake. I gave him my everything! And it just crushed me to see him and not be with him. I wanted him to disapear. i didnt Want to "want" him anymore but for some reason my heart wouldnt let go. Over this time i got angry at my mother. She would worry and say she was going to get me a box to put all my stuff away that was from erik....... and to this day i still dont have that damn box from her. It took me a while to finally tear everything down off my walls. But when i did i felt one step closer to closure. Over the time of me and erik breakin up. Me and My good friend Aaron became closer. He would do what ever it took to make me happy. after us talking for a little we went to the movies with some friends and saw the movie "Tropic Thunder" This started as a great time. Everyone was laughing and having a blast. Well while we were watching.. Aaron who was sitting next to me reached over and grabbed my hand and it made me smile and we held hands. About 15 mins later i noticed i was getting looks from rick. It hadnt been long since me and erik had broken up so i was still veryy unsure of every action i did. After i got the look from Rick i started to freak out in my mind. Was i moving to fast? Was a bad person ? I knew i still loved erik. I told everyone i had to go to the bathroom... so i left the movie early and cried on the bathroom floor. I didnt no what to do. I just couldnt stop the aching. I felt like everything i did was wrong. After Shannen came and climbed under the stall door Me Rick Shannen Aaron and others got in a huge fight over house fast i was moving on... But In my defense erik had already moved on and kissed other girls and all i had done was held someones hand that made me feel like things were gonna be alright. After this i was so confused on everything. Aaron and i continued to talk and he really did make me think there was some hope. We did end up kissing a couple times. But on the last night we kissed i was left with a thought in my head. With him being Eriks friend. Him being My best friend. The feeling for being with him... just wasnt there. But i didnt want to lose that close friend i had in Aaron. He was what i needed. Normally Girls run to eat ice cream when they are upset.. But instead i had Aaron. He was truely my shoulder to cry on. He was My best friend that i could hug and just feel better. But I hurt him by not likeing him as a Boyfriend. So our great friendship slowly faded away because he couldnt be around me without feeling hurt. This Broke my heart because he was a hugee impact on me making progress with my closure from Erik. Me and Aaron began to fight and argue about stuff because i really wanted him in my life.. but he wanted to be my boyfriend. Till this day i still feel like its not the same with him even though he is now my friend again. Alot of drama broke out in my group of friends. Everyone choosing sides... and my side wasnt very popular... i pretty much felt like everyone was slowly drifting away from me....people started betraying me. Doing things that just starting ripping me to pieces. I had so much trust in these people.. I started to go towards older people to get away from the highschool drama. I started to do stupid things which im glad im over with. Soon i stopped that stuff and tried to just focus on my happiness. but i still had that thought in my head lingering as to why everyone would just leave me so fast... Just like erik did. After a while.. i had my 17 birthday which wasnt the best birthday :\ it could have been alot better actually. But the day after my birthday. God Sent me an Angel. After my birthday me and peter started to talk through text message. It all started with him wanting to ride in my truck because he thought it was so cool. So i started to Text him and he said he wanted to take me out for ice cream :D. Him Niki and I went to Twistee Treat shortly after that and sat there eating ice cream as i laughed the most i had ever laughed in a very long time. I felt like the sun had shined into my heart that had just got over a huge blizzard. This laughter just brought more hope into my life. After this me and peter continued to talk. and Joked around more and more in our english class together. We skipped school one day because of FCAT and went out to breakfast with my mom and The Jerdan family and peter still spent part of the day with me. Then one night i was spendin the night at sarahs and we decided to meet up with peter outside her house. We all Joked around. Then me and sarah went back inside for a while.. Then Peter said he wanted to come back.. :D so i told him he should. A couple mins later he was back outside sarahs Apartment. This time i just went out in front. We leaned against his car and talked for a long while which was nice to be able to do. Soon i had to go back into sarahs house. As i went in. He had a big smile and said "Good night Cuttie" which he now says to me every night before bed. A couple days later peter had walked me to my truck after school. As he hugged me goodbye he leaned into the car and Kissed me and i just couldnt stop smiling as i drove to softball practice. Peter showed up the next day to school on St.Patricks day 3/17/09. With a Rose and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said Yes! We now have been going out for almost 4 months. He has made my life so much brighter and makes me so happy. I never thought i would ever be this happy! Its Truely an amazing feeling.! Im so glad that im with him!. well im getting tired of writing. maybe ill write a bit later.. <3