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I’ve been putting off writing this entry for a long time, and I feel guilty at not having written it sooner, but it’s been difficult for me to try and put this into words.
Literally hours after I posted the previous entry I found out that a friend of mine had died suddenly. Chris was only nineteen years old, and a catalogue of errors had led to him being wrongly diagnosed for over a year, during which time he suffered hugely and eventually succumbed to non-Hodgkin lymphoma on September 20th 2008. The fact I hadn’t found out about Chris’ death for more than two months after it happened is a sad indicator of how much we lost touch, and I feel so much guilt and regret that I hadn’t even known he was ill. Chris and I were never close, we were online friends at best, brought to together by a website over which he had a huge amount of influence just by being the incredible person that he was, but his personality was such that I had a huge amount of respect for him, if not a stupid little crush. That Chris suffered more pain than I can ever imagine is something I think I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life, and I still can’t come to terms with the fact such a beautiful person - so passionate and loving and full of life - could be allowed to suffer the way Chris did. The unfairness is unbelievable, and I can’t imagine a less deserving person for that to happen to than Chris. His mum told me of the pain he went through in his last few weeks and days, which makes it all the more upsetting when I learned just how bravely he tried to carry on while deep down knowing something was terribly wrong. I don’t know how his family cope with having lost him, I know they must have been absolutely devastated, but his mum is an incredibly brave woman and I know she would have been a huge comfort to him in the hospital.
It baffles me how someone of his age could suffer for so long without it being known he was dying of cancer. I’ll never know if he could have been saved, the lymphoma was meant to be particularly aggressive, but in my heart I think Chris would still be here if it had have been caught in time, receiving treatment to ensure he lived the long healthy life he was supposed to have. I hope the inquest into his death gives his family some closure, and I hope his GP - who for so long was dismissive and at times insultingly insensitive when he could have saved Chris’ life - is struck off and never allowed to practice medicine again. Blaming someone doesn’t help, but if just one person is saved where they would have been neglected, then it will have been worth to stop another family going through what Chris had to suffer.
In my last post I said I was going to start a new feature, which I’d intended to be about brilliant people who, for one reason or another, helped advanced the cause of gay rights or been a hero for us all. The first was supposed to be Harvey Milk, but I’m going to leave that now for other bloggers. It isn’t fair that Chris never achieved his dream of being famous, but he was an incredible person nonetheless, charming, funny, caring, and a fantastic brother, nephew, cousin, son and grandson, and to me he was a great friend. I think about him constantly, and because of him I intend to sign up for organ donation so that someday I might be able to save someone like him. Chris was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. His influence on those he met was clear from the public outpouring of grief over his death, and I know he’s going to be missed by a huge amount of people, especially by me. I know it isn't much Chris, but this is for you.
You can find a link to Chris' memorial pages here and here.
<3
Literally hours after I posted the previous entry I found out that a friend of mine had died suddenly. Chris was only nineteen years old, and a catalogue of errors had led to him being wrongly diagnosed for over a year, during which time he suffered hugely and eventually succumbed to non-Hodgkin lymphoma on September 20th 2008. The fact I hadn’t found out about Chris’ death for more than two months after it happened is a sad indicator of how much we lost touch, and I feel so much guilt and regret that I hadn’t even known he was ill. Chris and I were never close, we were online friends at best, brought to together by a website over which he had a huge amount of influence just by being the incredible person that he was, but his personality was such that I had a huge amount of respect for him, if not a stupid little crush. That Chris suffered more pain than I can ever imagine is something I think I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life, and I still can’t come to terms with the fact such a beautiful person - so passionate and loving and full of life - could be allowed to suffer the way Chris did. The unfairness is unbelievable, and I can’t imagine a less deserving person for that to happen to than Chris. His mum told me of the pain he went through in his last few weeks and days, which makes it all the more upsetting when I learned just how bravely he tried to carry on while deep down knowing something was terribly wrong. I don’t know how his family cope with having lost him, I know they must have been absolutely devastated, but his mum is an incredibly brave woman and I know she would have been a huge comfort to him in the hospital.
It baffles me how someone of his age could suffer for so long without it being known he was dying of cancer. I’ll never know if he could have been saved, the lymphoma was meant to be particularly aggressive, but in my heart I think Chris would still be here if it had have been caught in time, receiving treatment to ensure he lived the long healthy life he was supposed to have. I hope the inquest into his death gives his family some closure, and I hope his GP - who for so long was dismissive and at times insultingly insensitive when he could have saved Chris’ life - is struck off and never allowed to practice medicine again. Blaming someone doesn’t help, but if just one person is saved where they would have been neglected, then it will have been worth to stop another family going through what Chris had to suffer.
In my last post I said I was going to start a new feature, which I’d intended to be about brilliant people who, for one reason or another, helped advanced the cause of gay rights or been a hero for us all. The first was supposed to be Harvey Milk, but I’m going to leave that now for other bloggers. It isn’t fair that Chris never achieved his dream of being famous, but he was an incredible person nonetheless, charming, funny, caring, and a fantastic brother, nephew, cousin, son and grandson, and to me he was a great friend. I think about him constantly, and because of him I intend to sign up for organ donation so that someday I might be able to save someone like him. Chris was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. His influence on those he met was clear from the public outpouring of grief over his death, and I know he’s going to be missed by a huge amount of people, especially by me. I know it isn't much Chris, but this is for you.
You can find a link to Chris' memorial pages here and here.
<3