Yet another secret obsession...and no, it's NOT Draco
It has been too long since I've last posted anything to my journal. I think I am more of a reader when it comes to LJ-ing. But as I drove home last night I had an epiphany about myself and it is just screaming to be shared. And so...
You know those sudden, random moments of clarity when you catch yourself doing something strangely uncharacteristic and you simultaneously psychoanalyze and scold yourself for your own behavior as if you weren't actually you, but someone outside of yourself? Those moments where you literally have to stop and ask yourself 'what the fuck!?'. It was all very frightening really, but this is essentially what I caught myself doing while driving in a typical suburban neighborhood:
Every time I saw a window open with a light on, I would literally slow down and peer into the person's house and look at their furniture, or what color their walls were and what kind of art they had hanging on them. I would look at their light fixtures or kitchen cabinets, curtains...everything!! And I couldn't stop! I was having so much fun looking into other people's houses and rearranging their furniture in my head, or criticizing their use of color...or non-use of color in some situations. I even went as far as imagining what my own furniture would look like in their homes!
I caught myself and realized how dangerous and absolutely crazy it was to do this. And it hit me how many times I must have unconsciously done this very thing...perhaps even EVERY DAY without realizing what a nutter I am! What if I saw something I wasn't supposed to see? Like someone being whacked or a government official in the midst of scandalous fornication. Something that would drive my ordinary life into a fearful entanglement with some underground cult or sect, or the Hawaiian mafia and other such seedy organizations. I mean, a fresh start with witness protection sounds great and all, but I think I would really miss my family and friends.
But then I realized, in addition to my OCD tendencies, laziness, unknown voyeuristic desires and fledgling status as the neighborhood peeping Tom...I also have an overactive imagination. And so I stopped thinking about how I would explain and say goodbye to all the people I love when I'm whisked away to live in Iowa as Brenda Johnson, and decided to focus on NOT killing someone with my car.
You know those sudden, random moments of clarity when you catch yourself doing something strangely uncharacteristic and you simultaneously psychoanalyze and scold yourself for your own behavior as if you weren't actually you, but someone outside of yourself? Those moments where you literally have to stop and ask yourself 'what the fuck!?'. It was all very frightening really, but this is essentially what I caught myself doing while driving in a typical suburban neighborhood:
Every time I saw a window open with a light on, I would literally slow down and peer into the person's house and look at their furniture, or what color their walls were and what kind of art they had hanging on them. I would look at their light fixtures or kitchen cabinets, curtains...everything!! And I couldn't stop! I was having so much fun looking into other people's houses and rearranging their furniture in my head, or criticizing their use of color...or non-use of color in some situations. I even went as far as imagining what my own furniture would look like in their homes!
I caught myself and realized how dangerous and absolutely crazy it was to do this. And it hit me how many times I must have unconsciously done this very thing...perhaps even EVERY DAY without realizing what a nutter I am! What if I saw something I wasn't supposed to see? Like someone being whacked or a government official in the midst of scandalous fornication. Something that would drive my ordinary life into a fearful entanglement with some underground cult or sect, or the Hawaiian mafia and other such seedy organizations. I mean, a fresh start with witness protection sounds great and all, but I think I would really miss my family and friends.
But then I realized, in addition to my OCD tendencies, laziness, unknown voyeuristic desires and fledgling status as the neighborhood peeping Tom...I also have an overactive imagination. And so I stopped thinking about how I would explain and say goodbye to all the people I love when I'm whisked away to live in Iowa as Brenda Johnson, and decided to focus on NOT killing someone with my car.