Proceed With Caution
Title: Proceed With Caution (5/6)
Author: appassionata1
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Word Count: 3,759 (chapter 5)
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are property of CBS and Telenext Media. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: When sixteen year old Luke Grimaldi goes missing while on a ski trip with friends, a top secret organization lead by Noah Mayer is hired to find him.
Prompt: "snow, lost, rescue"
Prompter: cindyls1969
Prompt: "the best Christmas ever"
Prompting: 123cariad
Two years later
As Brian drove to the charming two story brick house in Old Town Alexandria for the Thanksgiving holiday he couldn’t help but think about all that had transpired since his first visit. He had severed all ties with Damian Grimaldi. The last news he’d heard about his former boss was that he’d suffered a stroke and had retreated to his family home in Malta to recuperate. Brian didn’t wish any ill on the man, but believed if the senator’s health forced him to give up politics the world would be better off. Brian now worked for M-2. Soon after resigning his job on Capitol Hill, Winston contacted him out of the blue and offered him a job. The colonel was wise enough to realize that with his years of experience in government and more importantly his plethora of DC connections he’d be an asset to the team. His employment there worked out better than expected. Business grew by leaps and bounds and Brian and Winston became the best of friends.
As he maneuvered through the narrow streets of Old Town he thought about Lily and Luke. He had always looked after them in his own way during his involvement with Damian and still kept a protective eye on them. They too were free of Damian’s tyranny. Damian hadn’t put up much of a fight regarding the divorce and Lily was awarded full custody of Luke and the only asset she requested; the Glencoe house. After the divorce was settled Luke’s relationship with his father became nonexistent. At first Brian was concerned about Luke and suggested to Lily that he may need counseling, but after a few months he was pleasantly surprised by how well the boy was adjusting. He swelled with pride thinking about how the troubled boy had grown into a confident young man.
This chilly November day was much like the one of his first visit. Except this time the house looked like a picture postcard decked out in its harvest regalia and instead of the dull hue of icy slush covering the sidewalks a light dusting of snow gave everything a cheerful glow. Brian parked a block away because the prime parking spots had already been taken by guests who’d arrived earlier. He didn’t mind because the crisp autumn air filling his lungs invigorated him as he walked to the house. His good friend Winston greeted him at the door with a smile and a warm hug.
“Hey there Brian! Come on in. The gang’s all here.”
Thanksgiving was the day the M-2 staff let their guard down and behaved like a real family. They gave thanks for their many blessings and for each other, ate too much delicious food, drank too much alcohol, and binge watched football games. Brian was a part of that family now.
Luke and Lily had become closer than ever. The volatile family situation Luke was thrust into caused him to grow up fast. Mother and son were grateful that the divorce proceedings ended quickly so they could get on with their lives. Luke enrolled in a private school, where he had the opportunity to put everything behind him and start again. Most of the kids there couldn’t care less about him being gay. In fact he was asked about his sexual orientation many times by the popular girls who practically fought over him for the privilege of having a gay best friend. As a result the boys hung out with him so they could date the hottest girls in school. Needless to say, he was amused by it all. Despite all of the ridiculous clamoring over him he managed to make a few genuine friends both gay and straight. He graduated high school with honors and when he received his diploma Noah was there to congratulate him.
Another consequence of his parents’ divorce was that Luke’s family life had suddenly been turned upside down. He was expected to accept his mother’s lover and his huge extended family. That was a tall order for him. These were religious people who lived in a small farming town. He tried not to be judgmental, but he wasn’t exactly thrilled about meeting them. They could have been nice people, but the fact remained that he was gay and he was concerned about their reaction when they found out. When Sunday dinner and holiday invitations came he made excuses not to go. He knew he couldn’t do that forever and he felt awful for not supporting his mother since she had accepted and supported him completely. He and Noah kept in touch though and whenever he had a problem he had the wise ex-Marine to turn to; however there were still a few personal matters Luke knew he had to work out in his own time and in his own way. Luke was now an eighteen year old freshman at Georgetown University in DC. He chose to go there not simply because it was one of the most prestigious universities in the US, but also because it was located a stone’s throw from Noah’s home in Alexandria.
Thanksgiving was a very special holiday for Noah and his dad. This year they had taken extra care to decorate the house inside and out, pull out the best china, the best crystal, and silver. Noah was cooking everything himself and the food had to be prepared expertly because this was no ordinary dinner party. This was the first Thanksgiving he’d spend with Luke. As a favor to his son, Winston had invited Luke and his mother to spend the holiday with them. Noah had been working on a case that took him out of the country and out of contact with Luke for several months and this would be the first time they’d see each other since his departure.
The M-2 staff as well as Winston knew to steer clear of the kitchen when Noah was in there creating his masterpiece. The intrepid Lieutenant had planned Thanksgiving dinner just as he would a vital mission. He drew up an organized list of tasks in order to prepare his elaborate menu of roasted turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes, giblet gravy, candied yams, green bean casserole, maple glazed carrots, sautéed spinach with pumpkin pie and chocolate cake for dessert. It would have been an impractical
undertaking for one man to accomplish by himself, but not for Lt. Noah Mayer. Each year he’d always stick to his plan and accomplish his mission brilliantly; however this year he was having an unprecedented attack of nerves. Not because of the difficulty in preparing the meal, but because of who would soon be sharing that special meal with him. Noah had been busy cooking for hours when he sat down at the kitchen table to take a much needed breather. He poured himself a glass of wine and focused his thoughts on Luke. He couldn’t help wondering if the young man still had a crush on him. He was a college student now. An eighteen year old surrounded by hot college guys. Could he possibly be interested in someone else?
Noah hated himself for feeling so insecure; like he didn’t measure up. It had been eons since he felt that way and it was not in his character. He was tough as nails and never let anyone or anything shake his confidence. That is, until he met an exceptional young man named Luciano Grimaldi. He had to shake this feeling and do it fast. He would know soon enough if Luke still cared for him because he would be arriving in approximately fifteen minutes. Noah poured himself another glass of wine and took a huge gulp. Not realizing how tired he was, he drifted off to sleep. He was awakened by the gentle caress of a soft hand on his cheek. When he opened his eyes he saw that beautiful, familiar face smiling down at him. It was Luke, the sweet boy who he’d rescued two years ago, but he was now a man. His gangly form was now muscular and his youthful haircut with floppy bangs had been shorn into a shorter style. But the smile was the same-that sweet boyish smile which always made Noah’s heart skip a beat.
“Come here kid.” He stood up from his chair and gave him a tight hug. “How are you?”
“I’m good, really good.” They shared a long, loving embrace then Noah gently pulled away and took a few steps backward so he could get a good look at him.
“It’s so good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too Noah. I really hate to interrupt our reunion, but it looks like you’re having a kitchen emergency,” he said with a grin pointing toward the pan on the stove.
“Oh no!” Noah rushed to the stove and snatched the pan containing the giblet gravy off the burner.
“Can it be salvaged?”
“I hope so. Give me your honest opinion. Have a taste and tell me if you think it’s burnt,” Noah requested while dipping a spoon into the gravy and offering it to Luke.
“Sure, I can do that.” Luke blew on it to cool it then tasted it. “Don’t worry, it’s fine. Actually more than fine it’s delicious.”
“Thanks.” Noah breathed a sigh of relief and set the pan back on the burner.
“Please let me give you a hand. You must be exhausted.”
“I guess I could use some help. Everything’s done, but if you don’t mind you can help me serve it.”
“No problem.”
Memories of the time they spent together at the Glencoe house came flooding back as they laughed and talked while setting the Thanksgiving feast on the dining room table. Then they lit the candles and Noah announced that dinner was served. The guests wasted no time getting to the dinner table where Noah made sure he was seated next to Luke. As they sat close to each other holding hands as Winston said grace Noah’s confidence returned. Luke still loved him. He could feel it in his touch.
Desiring some time alone so he could further gauge Luke’s feelings, Noah invited him to share a mug of hot mulled apple cider with him on the enclosed back porch. His head was filled with questions all colliding into each other as he tried to sum up his and Luke’s relationship. Should he seize the moment and let Luke know how he felt about him, or was this the wrong time and place? Would the time or place ever be right? He gazed upon the gorgeous young man sitting next to him looking more relaxed than he’d ever been. Noah could tell that he was strong and confident and truly happy. He was proud to think that he had been partly responsible for this miraculous change in him.
His thoughts were interrupted when Luke spoke, “What are you thinking about?”
Noah hoped he wasn’t blushing when he answered, “Just… things, um how are you doing in school?”
“I made the dean’s list and I’ve decided on a major, Journalism. I’ve started writing a blog about things around campus. Sometimes I interview kids with emotional issues, problems at home, kids who want to get things off their chest. I’ve got a huge following. I love doing it and it helps people so it’s a win-win for me.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. You’re gonna be a great journalist. Looks like you’re already on your way.”
“Thanks, I do my best.”
“I’d love to read your blog.”
“You would?”
“Of course I would.”
“I’ll email you the link.”
After an awkward pause and more sips from their mugs. Luke continued the small talk. “This cider is so good. I’ve never had it before. I mean I’ve tasted apple cider before, but not hot with cinnamon.”
“Thanks I’m glad you like it. It’s sort of a Christmas tradition with us. Instead of eggnog we have apple cider. The house we used to live in had a huge apple tree in the backyard so we had plenty of apple pies, fritters and cider.” Noah took a sip from his mug.
“Wow, that must have been so cool.” Luke wanted to ask Noah about his mother. He never mentioned her and he was curious, but he assumed it was a sore spot with him and he didn’t want to spoil the evening by bringing her up.
“So what are you doing for Christmas?” Noah interrupted his thoughts.
With a heavy sigh Luke responded, “We’ve been invited to the Snyder’s.”
“You don’t seem happy about it. Is everything ok?”
“I don’t know. I just kinda feel like a dick because every time I’ve been invited to meet them I’ve made excuses not to go. I’ve met Holden Snyder… the boyfriend. He came to Georgetown with my mom one weekend and we had dinner. He seems ok I guess. Well my mom loves him so…”
“Hey just give him a chance. Give them all a chance. Everybody deserves that. They could all be assholes or they could be wonderful people. Take a little time to get to know them.”
“I know I should, but what if they all think I’m an asshole?”
“Hey, that’ll never happen. When someone’s been hurt they build up all these walls to protect themselves from getting hurt again. Believe me, I know. But you’ve gotta think about it this way. Those same walls that keep out the bad also keep out the good. Luke if somebody wants to love you. You should just let them love you.” He was shocked he’d offered that suggestion and worried that he had revealed too much about his own feelings.
“Ok, I’ll take your sage advice… again… and I’ll visit the Snyder’s for Christmas. However, I have something awesome planned for New Year’s.” Luke was relieved that Noah brought up the holidays because he had no idea how he would broach the subject. He was anxious about telling him about his New Year’s plans and about hearing his reaction to them. “I’ve reserved a cottage at Crystal Mountain and I plan on ringing in the New Year with someone very special.”
Noah’s blood ran cold. He had to clench his fingers tighter around the mug’s handle to keep it from crashing to the floor. His deepest fear had been realized. Luke had found someone else. His sweet, precious boy had grown up and moved on without him. He didn’t know how to respond. He was in fact, too devastated to respond. Just a few minutes ago he was positive that he could be the man in Luke’s life and now this. How could he have been so wrong? He was grateful he hadn’t made a fool of himself by telling Luke how much he loved him. The silence between them was deafening. He looked at Luke and saw him smiling, a genuine smile that came from deep within.
Nobody smiles like that unless they’re in love.
Luke had absolutely no idea how much he’d hurt him. Of course Noah couldn’t show it. He would rather die than let Luke know how heartbroken and jealous he was. He looked away and cleared his throat before he could speak with some sort of clarity. “Good for you. I hope you enjoy yourself. Well I have an early day tomorrow so I should be-”
“Noah… are you kicking me out?” Luke soon realized his enormous blunder. His timing had been all wrong and his news couldn’t have been received any worse.
“No, I’m sorry. I should have let you know earlier that I…”
“That you have to get up early?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t look Luke in the eyes.
“Ok then. I’ll get mom and we’ll go. Thanks for inviting us. I had a great time. I, I’ll call you.” Luke felt an enormous chasm open up between them. His confusion was comingled with rage-not certain if he was angrier at Noah or at himself.
“Yeah.” Noah grunted in agreement as he stared out at the snow covered evergreens in the distance.
Noah felt empty when he went to bed that night. He was so depressed his body ached. He concluded that he had been a fool by waiting too long. The bright eyed, beautiful young man he was madly in love with had slipped through his fingers.
So much, for being a gentleman.
There was no reason for him to get up early the next morning. There was no reason for him to ever get out of bed again. Who was this guy who Luke was carrying on with? Perhaps he was some vacuous rich boy who’ll break his heart and move on. What if this ski trip he was planning turned out to be a tragic repeat of what happened between him and Kevin?
If Luke were hurt like that again no telling what he’d do. That can’t happen again. I won’t let it happen!
Sleep evaded Noah that night. All he could manage to do was to stare at the ceiling imagining one disastrous scenario after another and feel sorry for himself. He was suddenly distracted by a tapping noise. He had been meaning to trim the branches that slammed against the house whenever the wind blew imitating the sound of someone knocking at the door. He heard it again and this time there was no wind. There was someone knocking at the front door. In full protective mode he threw back the covers and sprang from his bed. Then grabbed his weapon from its holster and carefully but swiftly assessed the house. First to his father’s room where he found him safe and fast asleep and then to the rest of the living quarters, checking each door and window. Silent and with his heart racing he caught a glimpse of a shadow on the front porch. It was a male figure. The man knocked again and he unlocked and eased the door open just enough to see who it was, gun at the ready.
“Luke?”
“Hey Noah. Can I come in?”
“Um, sure, sorry. Did you forget something?” He opened the door revealing that he was wearing only a pair of boxer briefs. Luke’s jaw dropped when he saw the gun in his hand. He explained with a smirk, “It’s nearly two am and in my line of work a guy can’t be too careful.” He put the gun down on the hall table. “Come on in and have a seat.”
“That’s ok, I can’t stay long. I’ve got a plane to catch,” looking at his watch he sighed and said, “in about six hours. Noah I did forget something. There’s something I should tell you.”
“What is it?”
“You’re an idiot!”
“Excuse me?!”
“You’re not alone. So am I.”
“And you came all the way back here at two in the morning to tell me that?!”
“Actually, that and a few other things. That weird thing that happened between us out there on your back porch… I can’t believe we were stupid enough to let it happen! We weren’t having a conversation. We were just… wasting words. Then you asked me what I was doing New Year’s and I told you and you got all pissed at me and kicked me out. And I got pissed at you for getting pissed at me and for what?! Why are we being so stupid Noah?”
“You’ve got it all wrong kid! I wasn’t pissed at you it was more like…”
“Jealousy?”
“Hell no, I’m not-”
“Do you really want to know why I made a reservation at the same cottage at the same ski resort where I had my meltdown? It’s because I’m strong enough now to go back there and exorcise all the demons that caused it. I wanted to go back there and have a fucking fabulous time and share my victory with the one person who means more to me than anyone in this world! In case you haven’t figured it out by now it’s you Noah. Why can we go out and conquer armies and build empires and save lives, but we can’t bring ourselves to say three little words?! Why are men such idiots?”
Noah looked at him with a sheepish grin and shrugged. “I guess because it’s a lot easier to conquer armies and build empires and save lives.” His humorous retort elicited a huge laugh from both men.
“Not for me. It’s easier for me to say… I love you Noah. I have from the moment you rescued me from myself. I was such a mess then and I knew I couldn’t tell you. There’s the age difference thing and besides you thought of me as a neurotic kid. And then there was also this whole pervy aspect about having a relationship with somebody you basically were a guardian to and that’s a situation an upstanding and righteous guy like you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. Not back then anyway. So I resigned myself to waiting and I waited. For two years I’ve waited. Now I’m tired of waiting. So I just wanted you to know. You could tell me you love me too… or you could… not say anything… and I’ll walk away and never come back… because the friendship thing would be just way too awkward and I just…”
“Luke, you hit the nail on the head when you said you were an idiot. And a talkative one at that. I agree with everything you said except the part about me being an idiot of course. Yeah, I lied. I was jealous, imagining you with some-”
Luke was now beaming. “How jealous?”
“Well let’s just say I was about to go out and kill some young fool if he even thought about hurting you! You’re also wrong about me not being able to say those three words. Yes I will spend New Year’s with you and yes, I love you. Come here kid.” They fell into each other’s arms and held each other close. With a sigh Noah cooed, “Kid, I’m so glad at least one of us has more common sense than bravado.” He caressed his face and kissed his forehead.
The two men locked gazes in the dimly lit room. Both warm and tingling by the sharing the deep feelings they had for each other. With an exuberant smile Luke asked his new boyfriend, “Noah will you do me a huge favor?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Stop calling me kid.”
Author: appassionata1
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Word Count: 3,759 (chapter 5)
Disclaimer: ATWT characters are property of CBS and Telenext Media. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: When sixteen year old Luke Grimaldi goes missing while on a ski trip with friends, a top secret organization lead by Noah Mayer is hired to find him.
Prompt: "snow, lost, rescue"
Prompter: cindyls1969
Prompt: "the best Christmas ever"
Prompting: 123cariad
Two years later
As Brian drove to the charming two story brick house in Old Town Alexandria for the Thanksgiving holiday he couldn’t help but think about all that had transpired since his first visit. He had severed all ties with Damian Grimaldi. The last news he’d heard about his former boss was that he’d suffered a stroke and had retreated to his family home in Malta to recuperate. Brian didn’t wish any ill on the man, but believed if the senator’s health forced him to give up politics the world would be better off. Brian now worked for M-2. Soon after resigning his job on Capitol Hill, Winston contacted him out of the blue and offered him a job. The colonel was wise enough to realize that with his years of experience in government and more importantly his plethora of DC connections he’d be an asset to the team. His employment there worked out better than expected. Business grew by leaps and bounds and Brian and Winston became the best of friends.
As he maneuvered through the narrow streets of Old Town he thought about Lily and Luke. He had always looked after them in his own way during his involvement with Damian and still kept a protective eye on them. They too were free of Damian’s tyranny. Damian hadn’t put up much of a fight regarding the divorce and Lily was awarded full custody of Luke and the only asset she requested; the Glencoe house. After the divorce was settled Luke’s relationship with his father became nonexistent. At first Brian was concerned about Luke and suggested to Lily that he may need counseling, but after a few months he was pleasantly surprised by how well the boy was adjusting. He swelled with pride thinking about how the troubled boy had grown into a confident young man.
This chilly November day was much like the one of his first visit. Except this time the house looked like a picture postcard decked out in its harvest regalia and instead of the dull hue of icy slush covering the sidewalks a light dusting of snow gave everything a cheerful glow. Brian parked a block away because the prime parking spots had already been taken by guests who’d arrived earlier. He didn’t mind because the crisp autumn air filling his lungs invigorated him as he walked to the house. His good friend Winston greeted him at the door with a smile and a warm hug.
“Hey there Brian! Come on in. The gang’s all here.”
Thanksgiving was the day the M-2 staff let their guard down and behaved like a real family. They gave thanks for their many blessings and for each other, ate too much delicious food, drank too much alcohol, and binge watched football games. Brian was a part of that family now.
Luke and Lily had become closer than ever. The volatile family situation Luke was thrust into caused him to grow up fast. Mother and son were grateful that the divorce proceedings ended quickly so they could get on with their lives. Luke enrolled in a private school, where he had the opportunity to put everything behind him and start again. Most of the kids there couldn’t care less about him being gay. In fact he was asked about his sexual orientation many times by the popular girls who practically fought over him for the privilege of having a gay best friend. As a result the boys hung out with him so they could date the hottest girls in school. Needless to say, he was amused by it all. Despite all of the ridiculous clamoring over him he managed to make a few genuine friends both gay and straight. He graduated high school with honors and when he received his diploma Noah was there to congratulate him.
Another consequence of his parents’ divorce was that Luke’s family life had suddenly been turned upside down. He was expected to accept his mother’s lover and his huge extended family. That was a tall order for him. These were religious people who lived in a small farming town. He tried not to be judgmental, but he wasn’t exactly thrilled about meeting them. They could have been nice people, but the fact remained that he was gay and he was concerned about their reaction when they found out. When Sunday dinner and holiday invitations came he made excuses not to go. He knew he couldn’t do that forever and he felt awful for not supporting his mother since she had accepted and supported him completely. He and Noah kept in touch though and whenever he had a problem he had the wise ex-Marine to turn to; however there were still a few personal matters Luke knew he had to work out in his own time and in his own way. Luke was now an eighteen year old freshman at Georgetown University in DC. He chose to go there not simply because it was one of the most prestigious universities in the US, but also because it was located a stone’s throw from Noah’s home in Alexandria.
Thanksgiving was a very special holiday for Noah and his dad. This year they had taken extra care to decorate the house inside and out, pull out the best china, the best crystal, and silver. Noah was cooking everything himself and the food had to be prepared expertly because this was no ordinary dinner party. This was the first Thanksgiving he’d spend with Luke. As a favor to his son, Winston had invited Luke and his mother to spend the holiday with them. Noah had been working on a case that took him out of the country and out of contact with Luke for several months and this would be the first time they’d see each other since his departure.
The M-2 staff as well as Winston knew to steer clear of the kitchen when Noah was in there creating his masterpiece. The intrepid Lieutenant had planned Thanksgiving dinner just as he would a vital mission. He drew up an organized list of tasks in order to prepare his elaborate menu of roasted turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes, giblet gravy, candied yams, green bean casserole, maple glazed carrots, sautéed spinach with pumpkin pie and chocolate cake for dessert. It would have been an impractical
undertaking for one man to accomplish by himself, but not for Lt. Noah Mayer. Each year he’d always stick to his plan and accomplish his mission brilliantly; however this year he was having an unprecedented attack of nerves. Not because of the difficulty in preparing the meal, but because of who would soon be sharing that special meal with him. Noah had been busy cooking for hours when he sat down at the kitchen table to take a much needed breather. He poured himself a glass of wine and focused his thoughts on Luke. He couldn’t help wondering if the young man still had a crush on him. He was a college student now. An eighteen year old surrounded by hot college guys. Could he possibly be interested in someone else?
Noah hated himself for feeling so insecure; like he didn’t measure up. It had been eons since he felt that way and it was not in his character. He was tough as nails and never let anyone or anything shake his confidence. That is, until he met an exceptional young man named Luciano Grimaldi. He had to shake this feeling and do it fast. He would know soon enough if Luke still cared for him because he would be arriving in approximately fifteen minutes. Noah poured himself another glass of wine and took a huge gulp. Not realizing how tired he was, he drifted off to sleep. He was awakened by the gentle caress of a soft hand on his cheek. When he opened his eyes he saw that beautiful, familiar face smiling down at him. It was Luke, the sweet boy who he’d rescued two years ago, but he was now a man. His gangly form was now muscular and his youthful haircut with floppy bangs had been shorn into a shorter style. But the smile was the same-that sweet boyish smile which always made Noah’s heart skip a beat.
“Come here kid.” He stood up from his chair and gave him a tight hug. “How are you?”
“I’m good, really good.” They shared a long, loving embrace then Noah gently pulled away and took a few steps backward so he could get a good look at him.
“It’s so good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too Noah. I really hate to interrupt our reunion, but it looks like you’re having a kitchen emergency,” he said with a grin pointing toward the pan on the stove.
“Oh no!” Noah rushed to the stove and snatched the pan containing the giblet gravy off the burner.
“Can it be salvaged?”
“I hope so. Give me your honest opinion. Have a taste and tell me if you think it’s burnt,” Noah requested while dipping a spoon into the gravy and offering it to Luke.
“Sure, I can do that.” Luke blew on it to cool it then tasted it. “Don’t worry, it’s fine. Actually more than fine it’s delicious.”
“Thanks.” Noah breathed a sigh of relief and set the pan back on the burner.
“Please let me give you a hand. You must be exhausted.”
“I guess I could use some help. Everything’s done, but if you don’t mind you can help me serve it.”
“No problem.”
Memories of the time they spent together at the Glencoe house came flooding back as they laughed and talked while setting the Thanksgiving feast on the dining room table. Then they lit the candles and Noah announced that dinner was served. The guests wasted no time getting to the dinner table where Noah made sure he was seated next to Luke. As they sat close to each other holding hands as Winston said grace Noah’s confidence returned. Luke still loved him. He could feel it in his touch.
Desiring some time alone so he could further gauge Luke’s feelings, Noah invited him to share a mug of hot mulled apple cider with him on the enclosed back porch. His head was filled with questions all colliding into each other as he tried to sum up his and Luke’s relationship. Should he seize the moment and let Luke know how he felt about him, or was this the wrong time and place? Would the time or place ever be right? He gazed upon the gorgeous young man sitting next to him looking more relaxed than he’d ever been. Noah could tell that he was strong and confident and truly happy. He was proud to think that he had been partly responsible for this miraculous change in him.
His thoughts were interrupted when Luke spoke, “What are you thinking about?”
Noah hoped he wasn’t blushing when he answered, “Just… things, um how are you doing in school?”
“I made the dean’s list and I’ve decided on a major, Journalism. I’ve started writing a blog about things around campus. Sometimes I interview kids with emotional issues, problems at home, kids who want to get things off their chest. I’ve got a huge following. I love doing it and it helps people so it’s a win-win for me.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. You’re gonna be a great journalist. Looks like you’re already on your way.”
“Thanks, I do my best.”
“I’d love to read your blog.”
“You would?”
“Of course I would.”
“I’ll email you the link.”
After an awkward pause and more sips from their mugs. Luke continued the small talk. “This cider is so good. I’ve never had it before. I mean I’ve tasted apple cider before, but not hot with cinnamon.”
“Thanks I’m glad you like it. It’s sort of a Christmas tradition with us. Instead of eggnog we have apple cider. The house we used to live in had a huge apple tree in the backyard so we had plenty of apple pies, fritters and cider.” Noah took a sip from his mug.
“Wow, that must have been so cool.” Luke wanted to ask Noah about his mother. He never mentioned her and he was curious, but he assumed it was a sore spot with him and he didn’t want to spoil the evening by bringing her up.
“So what are you doing for Christmas?” Noah interrupted his thoughts.
With a heavy sigh Luke responded, “We’ve been invited to the Snyder’s.”
“You don’t seem happy about it. Is everything ok?”
“I don’t know. I just kinda feel like a dick because every time I’ve been invited to meet them I’ve made excuses not to go. I’ve met Holden Snyder… the boyfriend. He came to Georgetown with my mom one weekend and we had dinner. He seems ok I guess. Well my mom loves him so…”
“Hey just give him a chance. Give them all a chance. Everybody deserves that. They could all be assholes or they could be wonderful people. Take a little time to get to know them.”
“I know I should, but what if they all think I’m an asshole?”
“Hey, that’ll never happen. When someone’s been hurt they build up all these walls to protect themselves from getting hurt again. Believe me, I know. But you’ve gotta think about it this way. Those same walls that keep out the bad also keep out the good. Luke if somebody wants to love you. You should just let them love you.” He was shocked he’d offered that suggestion and worried that he had revealed too much about his own feelings.
“Ok, I’ll take your sage advice… again… and I’ll visit the Snyder’s for Christmas. However, I have something awesome planned for New Year’s.” Luke was relieved that Noah brought up the holidays because he had no idea how he would broach the subject. He was anxious about telling him about his New Year’s plans and about hearing his reaction to them. “I’ve reserved a cottage at Crystal Mountain and I plan on ringing in the New Year with someone very special.”
Noah’s blood ran cold. He had to clench his fingers tighter around the mug’s handle to keep it from crashing to the floor. His deepest fear had been realized. Luke had found someone else. His sweet, precious boy had grown up and moved on without him. He didn’t know how to respond. He was in fact, too devastated to respond. Just a few minutes ago he was positive that he could be the man in Luke’s life and now this. How could he have been so wrong? He was grateful he hadn’t made a fool of himself by telling Luke how much he loved him. The silence between them was deafening. He looked at Luke and saw him smiling, a genuine smile that came from deep within.
Nobody smiles like that unless they’re in love.
Luke had absolutely no idea how much he’d hurt him. Of course Noah couldn’t show it. He would rather die than let Luke know how heartbroken and jealous he was. He looked away and cleared his throat before he could speak with some sort of clarity. “Good for you. I hope you enjoy yourself. Well I have an early day tomorrow so I should be-”
“Noah… are you kicking me out?” Luke soon realized his enormous blunder. His timing had been all wrong and his news couldn’t have been received any worse.
“No, I’m sorry. I should have let you know earlier that I…”
“That you have to get up early?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t look Luke in the eyes.
“Ok then. I’ll get mom and we’ll go. Thanks for inviting us. I had a great time. I, I’ll call you.” Luke felt an enormous chasm open up between them. His confusion was comingled with rage-not certain if he was angrier at Noah or at himself.
“Yeah.” Noah grunted in agreement as he stared out at the snow covered evergreens in the distance.
Noah felt empty when he went to bed that night. He was so depressed his body ached. He concluded that he had been a fool by waiting too long. The bright eyed, beautiful young man he was madly in love with had slipped through his fingers.
So much, for being a gentleman.
There was no reason for him to get up early the next morning. There was no reason for him to ever get out of bed again. Who was this guy who Luke was carrying on with? Perhaps he was some vacuous rich boy who’ll break his heart and move on. What if this ski trip he was planning turned out to be a tragic repeat of what happened between him and Kevin?
If Luke were hurt like that again no telling what he’d do. That can’t happen again. I won’t let it happen!
Sleep evaded Noah that night. All he could manage to do was to stare at the ceiling imagining one disastrous scenario after another and feel sorry for himself. He was suddenly distracted by a tapping noise. He had been meaning to trim the branches that slammed against the house whenever the wind blew imitating the sound of someone knocking at the door. He heard it again and this time there was no wind. There was someone knocking at the front door. In full protective mode he threw back the covers and sprang from his bed. Then grabbed his weapon from its holster and carefully but swiftly assessed the house. First to his father’s room where he found him safe and fast asleep and then to the rest of the living quarters, checking each door and window. Silent and with his heart racing he caught a glimpse of a shadow on the front porch. It was a male figure. The man knocked again and he unlocked and eased the door open just enough to see who it was, gun at the ready.
“Luke?”
“Hey Noah. Can I come in?”
“Um, sure, sorry. Did you forget something?” He opened the door revealing that he was wearing only a pair of boxer briefs. Luke’s jaw dropped when he saw the gun in his hand. He explained with a smirk, “It’s nearly two am and in my line of work a guy can’t be too careful.” He put the gun down on the hall table. “Come on in and have a seat.”
“That’s ok, I can’t stay long. I’ve got a plane to catch,” looking at his watch he sighed and said, “in about six hours. Noah I did forget something. There’s something I should tell you.”
“What is it?”
“You’re an idiot!”
“Excuse me?!”
“You’re not alone. So am I.”
“And you came all the way back here at two in the morning to tell me that?!”
“Actually, that and a few other things. That weird thing that happened between us out there on your back porch… I can’t believe we were stupid enough to let it happen! We weren’t having a conversation. We were just… wasting words. Then you asked me what I was doing New Year’s and I told you and you got all pissed at me and kicked me out. And I got pissed at you for getting pissed at me and for what?! Why are we being so stupid Noah?”
“You’ve got it all wrong kid! I wasn’t pissed at you it was more like…”
“Jealousy?”
“Hell no, I’m not-”
“Do you really want to know why I made a reservation at the same cottage at the same ski resort where I had my meltdown? It’s because I’m strong enough now to go back there and exorcise all the demons that caused it. I wanted to go back there and have a fucking fabulous time and share my victory with the one person who means more to me than anyone in this world! In case you haven’t figured it out by now it’s you Noah. Why can we go out and conquer armies and build empires and save lives, but we can’t bring ourselves to say three little words?! Why are men such idiots?”
Noah looked at him with a sheepish grin and shrugged. “I guess because it’s a lot easier to conquer armies and build empires and save lives.” His humorous retort elicited a huge laugh from both men.
“Not for me. It’s easier for me to say… I love you Noah. I have from the moment you rescued me from myself. I was such a mess then and I knew I couldn’t tell you. There’s the age difference thing and besides you thought of me as a neurotic kid. And then there was also this whole pervy aspect about having a relationship with somebody you basically were a guardian to and that’s a situation an upstanding and righteous guy like you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. Not back then anyway. So I resigned myself to waiting and I waited. For two years I’ve waited. Now I’m tired of waiting. So I just wanted you to know. You could tell me you love me too… or you could… not say anything… and I’ll walk away and never come back… because the friendship thing would be just way too awkward and I just…”
“Luke, you hit the nail on the head when you said you were an idiot. And a talkative one at that. I agree with everything you said except the part about me being an idiot of course. Yeah, I lied. I was jealous, imagining you with some-”
Luke was now beaming. “How jealous?”
“Well let’s just say I was about to go out and kill some young fool if he even thought about hurting you! You’re also wrong about me not being able to say those three words. Yes I will spend New Year’s with you and yes, I love you. Come here kid.” They fell into each other’s arms and held each other close. With a sigh Noah cooed, “Kid, I’m so glad at least one of us has more common sense than bravado.” He caressed his face and kissed his forehead.
The two men locked gazes in the dimly lit room. Both warm and tingling by the sharing the deep feelings they had for each other. With an exuberant smile Luke asked his new boyfriend, “Noah will you do me a huge favor?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Stop calling me kid.”