Kris/Adam, "At The End Of It All"
Title: At The End Of It All
Fandom: American Idol
Pairing: Kris Allen / Adam Lambert (implied), bit of Kris / Katy.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 928
Summary: Post-Idol tour. Kris finds himself struggling with boredom as things settle down. Katy decides they need to talk.
The phone was ringing.
Katy ignored it, absently stirring the beef simmering in the frying pan that much resembled the uneasy feeling in her stomach, rolling and crumbling into pieces. She was wallowing, and she knew it. But she couldn’t find the energy to pull herself out of the miserable mood she kept sinking into.
The tour had ended, and Kris was back at home. Things were busier, Kris was busier, obviously, but he was happy. The first few months after the tour had finished, she and Kris had spent every moment they could together when he wasn’t working on his new album to catch up on all the newlywed time they had missed out on. For Katy, it had been a dream come true.
Then, in November, she’d begun to take notice.
Kris was bored.
It wasn’t palpable. Not at first. But as the weeks went by, he became more and more restless, going through phases of hobbies almost faster than she could keep up.
“Kristopher!” Adam crowed loudly through the answering machine, making her jump. Of course.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone? You devil. I miss you.” As Katy listened, Adam’s tone changed from delighted to admonishing to affectionate. “Call me!” And a click ended the message.
The spoon in her hand fell to the floor with a clatter.
* * *
“I hope I got the right kind of tomato sauce... They were closing, so I grabbed the first thing I found,” Kris called out as he walked through the entryway.
No reply.
“Katy?” Kris entered the kitchen, worried.
The frying pan had been discarded to the side, the pot of noodles was bubbling over and the water was making the element sizzle and hiss.
“I’m here,” she said quietly, appearing from the hallway. “You’ve got a message on the machine.” She tilted her head towards the phone. “From Adam.”
Kris’s eyes lit up. “Thanks. I hope I got the right sauce,” he repeated as he headed over to the answering machine, not turning his head. “It’s on the table.”
He pressed the play button, and missed Katy’s eyes flooding with tears.
Kris was laughing by the time the message ended, but the sound died on his lips immediately when he turned back around. “What’s wrong?” He rushed over to her, grasping both her hands in his. “Are you alright?”
She swallowed hard, trying desperately not to cry.
“What is it?” Kris’s heart pounded as the tears streamed down her cheeks.
“Kris... I think we should get a divorce.”
He paled and dropped her hands. “What?”
She choked on a sob. Stepped back, wrapping her arms tightly around her abdomen protectively. “You’re not happy.”
“Katy, baby... You’re wrong. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.” Kris struggled to keep standing. It felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He stared, uncomprehending, at his wife, his friend... “I love you!”
She shook her head, angrily wiping away the wetness on her cheeks. “I know, I know,” she cried. “I love you, too. But I can’t... You’re not happy with me, with this.” Her hand gestured around them. “I’ve known you for years, Kris. Please don’t. I know. I can tell. I- You’re restless and bored, and you... You’re not the same man I married.”
Kris opened his mouth.
Katy held up a hand. “Don’t. Just... Let me finish. I love you. So, so much,” her eyes closed against another bout of tears. “I will always love you. I love who you’ve become. This, winning, Idol. If it’s possible, you’re an even better man from going through this. You have goals, you have dreams!” Her voice rose. “You never got to live them, and now you have the chance, and you’re too... Too damned nice to admit to yourself that this is what you want and need. You crave the performances, and the crowds, and the thrill.” Her lips curved up in an almost smile, contradicting her watery eyes. “You’re one of the most passionate people I know. Your priorities are different now. I’m not up there anymore, even though you don’t realize it. You think- I know you love me. And Adam.” She shook her head. “The way you look at him, Kris.” She wiped her eyes again, “You never stood a chance against him, fighting him. I’m not so naive that I couldn’t see it.”
“We’re not-”
“I know,” she interrupted. “I know you wouldn’t. But I can- I know. It’s there somewhere. And I know you think that it’s- you wouldn’t- But he loves you.” A desperate laugh escaped her throat. “Who am I to argue with that?”
Kris tugged his fingers through his hair. There were so many things he wanted to say, he didn’t know where to start.
“You don’t have to. Explain. I just... Wanted you to know. I think it’s for the best.”
He hugged her tightly. “I don’t want to,” he breathed into her shoulder, fighting back the urge to cry into her shirt.
“I know, I know.” She cried into his chest. “I’m sorry, Kris.”
“No, baby.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I should have-”
“Don’t,” she said sharply. “Don’t start. Just... Let’s just get it done, okay?”
He was crying now, still fighting it. “It’s wrong.”
“I still love you,” she drew back to say, lip quivering. “As horrible as it sounds, I refuse to stay locked in this like... a cage. Because I love you.”
Even as the world seemed to be falling apart around him, Kris tried to believe her.