when we are inhuman, were one with the birds
well,
today was the scariest and strangest and most horrible day ive had.
i dont even quite know how to talk about it yet. i feel like a harder person, more numb, and im hoping its going to wear off.
the mat-cutter decided to take a small hunk of my finger,
so i was in the bathroom at work, stopping the blood.
and i start to hear this awful moaning, wailing crying womans voice.
everything comes through the vents so clearly for some strange reason,
ive always found it very eerie, footsteps from the soon-to-be beauty store
nextdoor echo very loudly, along with every other noise. the construction makes these loud echoing BOOM BOOM BOOM!s all day, and we used to make "BWAHAHA" noises and joke about how sinister it sounded.
so i got concerned,
i called my mom over
and suddenly the woman was screaming, screaming SO loud, these desperate blood - curtling screams.
and i got completely hysterical,
because i knew something horrible was going on.
but we didnt know where she was, or what to do. the way it comes through the vents, its like it could be happening anywhere.
this is such a cliche but,
it was like some horrible dream, but way too real to be anything but real,
and in a dream i would do something crazy, like make a lightning bolt strike, or i dont know what.
it is.. not comforting, to know what you are like in an emergency situation. i couldnt do anything, i just walked in a circle and cried and shook.
my mom called the police, and they took their sweet fucking time.
she was running around to other stores, trying to find out what was going on, and talk to the neighbors to get support.
but no one could hear it except for us,
this horrible horrible screaming.
and then the screaming stopped and that was even scarier.
so it turned out that a woman who was constructing next door, her mother had just died. or that is the story that was given. but i dont know if i can believe it, because that screaming was so, so horrible, and seemed so much like a scream for help, and i wont forget it for a long time, it will be in my head. i can not even explain what its like, how mind-shattering it is to be SURE that someone is being murdered or raped, attacked right near you, and you can hear it happening but theres nothing you can do. if i read this post i would think "oh yah, that sounds scary, but shes obviously over reacting." but its impossible to understand this unless youve been through it, i would never have understood. i would not wish that feeling on anyone. i wanted to just throw up for a long time to get that horrible feeling out of my body, or to disappear because i was so ashamed of not doing more.
i feel better now but i still feel so strange.
shortly after, a guy from the internet cafe that is about to move in
in the building stopped by,
he was eating a danish,and he said "did you get that all straightened out?"
like we had a leak, or got the wrong mail or something.
i wanted to be like
"OH, YOU MEAN DID ANYBODY GET MURDERED NEXTDOOR? NO, THEY DIDNT, THANKS FOR ASKING."
what the fuck is wrong with people?
i couldnt get over it,
i went for a walk and i looked around at people and thought about how someone could have just been murdered around the block and they wouldnt know any differently. and looked at individuals, and thought
"have you ever made a person scream like that?" because there are people in this world who have,
and that is so impossible to.. understand.
today was the scariest and strangest and most horrible day ive had.
i dont even quite know how to talk about it yet. i feel like a harder person, more numb, and im hoping its going to wear off.
the mat-cutter decided to take a small hunk of my finger,
so i was in the bathroom at work, stopping the blood.
and i start to hear this awful moaning, wailing crying womans voice.
everything comes through the vents so clearly for some strange reason,
ive always found it very eerie, footsteps from the soon-to-be beauty store
nextdoor echo very loudly, along with every other noise. the construction makes these loud echoing BOOM BOOM BOOM!s all day, and we used to make "BWAHAHA" noises and joke about how sinister it sounded.
so i got concerned,
i called my mom over
and suddenly the woman was screaming, screaming SO loud, these desperate blood - curtling screams.
and i got completely hysterical,
because i knew something horrible was going on.
but we didnt know where she was, or what to do. the way it comes through the vents, its like it could be happening anywhere.
this is such a cliche but,
it was like some horrible dream, but way too real to be anything but real,
and in a dream i would do something crazy, like make a lightning bolt strike, or i dont know what.
it is.. not comforting, to know what you are like in an emergency situation. i couldnt do anything, i just walked in a circle and cried and shook.
my mom called the police, and they took their sweet fucking time.
she was running around to other stores, trying to find out what was going on, and talk to the neighbors to get support.
but no one could hear it except for us,
this horrible horrible screaming.
and then the screaming stopped and that was even scarier.
so it turned out that a woman who was constructing next door, her mother had just died. or that is the story that was given. but i dont know if i can believe it, because that screaming was so, so horrible, and seemed so much like a scream for help, and i wont forget it for a long time, it will be in my head. i can not even explain what its like, how mind-shattering it is to be SURE that someone is being murdered or raped, attacked right near you, and you can hear it happening but theres nothing you can do. if i read this post i would think "oh yah, that sounds scary, but shes obviously over reacting." but its impossible to understand this unless youve been through it, i would never have understood. i would not wish that feeling on anyone. i wanted to just throw up for a long time to get that horrible feeling out of my body, or to disappear because i was so ashamed of not doing more.
i feel better now but i still feel so strange.
shortly after, a guy from the internet cafe that is about to move in
in the building stopped by,
he was eating a danish,and he said "did you get that all straightened out?"
like we had a leak, or got the wrong mail or something.
i wanted to be like
"OH, YOU MEAN DID ANYBODY GET MURDERED NEXTDOOR? NO, THEY DIDNT, THANKS FOR ASKING."
what the fuck is wrong with people?
i couldnt get over it,
i went for a walk and i looked around at people and thought about how someone could have just been murdered around the block and they wouldnt know any differently. and looked at individuals, and thought
"have you ever made a person scream like that?" because there are people in this world who have,
and that is so impossible to.. understand.