I miss you 2006
I decided how completely funny it would be to avoid studying and go back and read old lj entries from this exact date (or whichever i had written that were close). Here is what i found:
I have a tendency to lose my car keys
Ironically this same time in my life every year i refuse to play games and delete my myspace or facebook or whatever and tell everyone that they HAVE to be my friend in real life... some things never change. However im a little more self righteous now about people having those lifestyles, i think THEY are wrong and not me. Real life people, lets hang out in REAL LIFE (while i tell you about it on LJ)
A very interesting lesson i learned: lesson of the day: be friends with a controversial asshole like myself in hopes that they will tell the truth to you and stick up for you while youre not there
or i mean you could be nice to everyone and have everyone like you and have no soul, because lts face it. what you dont say matters, and what you dont do matters way more than when you mess up and try to fix it
Oh Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet... let me count the ways we have changed in just three years. I don't think i could have imagined it if i tried. The sadness that has happened in our lives, from small things that really shouldn't bother a person. Yet somehow, i can't see it that way. People are so irreplacable. There will never be another Sarah McCartan in my life, another rational sweet normal girl, i don't know where she... or our friendship went, but I love Sarah, and she will always make mistakes and learn, as will I. I can only hope that she comes back to us, the people who love her, and very much appreciated her for being tender and unafraid to be that way, life seems to have hardened her somehow, but the truth is, i understand.
Peyton is still the same, even if shes afraid of being that way now, still the same, still wonderful, still has independence and sweden flowing through her veins. I think she might be a bird. Dear sweet Peyton, just keep being you, I'm watching dead poets society right now and keep thinking man... wouldn't it be nice if we were all free thinkers and didn't kill ourselves when an obstacle came our ways. This also makes me think of how hard that is... and Catcher in the Rye... and how silly it is that we look at people with these questions about life, and appreciations, and just laugh at them and move on. No wonder, no wonder. I love you, my little free thinking bird. Keep free thinking, and if you run out of things to think about... reread this, i forgot that this was a reason I admired you so much :
" --> to peyton allison cook. what a unique and special girl you are. you ooze weird and taste and poise and danciness and ambition from every word and motion that comes from you. im so glad im reminded every monday wednesday and friday in addition to special days where i just run into you, that life is not a straight path, and sometimes you can run really fast and when you stop you end up in amazing unfamiliar territory, but you can pretty much poke fun of and laugh and be in awe of your surroundings, whether you are ready for them or not. oh the adventures we have had in the small amount of time weve hung out. there will be more to come, you will do great things young jedi. this is to one of the most honest people i know, i simply cannot doubt your intentions. you are so polite to everyone, but so real and open and protective of the ones you love. that is so admirable. what a brave brave brave girl you are."
Still true, perhaps you should soak it in <3
Dear sweet Leslie is still exactly the same, and i still very much wish she could go on untainted and not worry what people think. Shes so cool, shes like my friend Patrick and those great high school movie moral definitions of cool, my favorite type, the person who really deserves it. The person who is nice to everyone and loves life and making great things in it. Sweet Leslie, please have a martini and just laugh, otherwise i will be forced to come to chicago and punch you in the face, then buy you a martini.
I also wrote this, dear god i do not remember having such great ideas, but i sitll feel the same exact way.
"--> to my future love, i wont settle for anyone but you, youll be inspiring, think im way too good for you, ill never understand that, and youll be ambitious and on fire about life. you will be confident, and you wont need me to get by, which is why you wont take me for granted. i will be your special treat. we will take trips to paris for the weekend and call in sick monday morning because we got smashed in first class on the way back. we will walk to the thai market and youll cook me dinner because i probably will have forgotten how to cook by the time i get married. all the cute little thai girls will stare at you because youll be so devilishly good looking. we will laugh and youll respect my independence, youll embrace it, youll love to read, and you will fulfill me by being good at music and being capable of affection and be level headed. you will also admire that my affection runs deeper than touch or words, it will surface in my actions. you will love that i hate being asked questions in the morning, and wake up and ask me a slew of them just to piss me off, and when i start to yell youll start to laugh and so will i. we wont have any carpet.
--> to my best friends. youll love my husband and kick him out of the house to drink wine with me and get smashed and have fun girl nights when we are thirty five. we will dress up like we are fifteen and go see a teenybopper movies and laugh our asses off, we wont need a DD because we arent fifteen and can afford taxi cabs, or my cute husband will drop us off. we will cry, we will laugh, and we will bake eachother cookies and force ourselves to eat them despite the calories and our slowing metabolisms. i will probably want you in the delivery room instead of my husband, i want you to see me cry and be genuinly scared. i want you to tell me its okay when i dont tell you im upset. i want you to ask me for a hug, but you wont have to, i promise. i want you to force me to hug you, like you always have, big secret, its really not forced, i love you, im okay with the hug, i love the hug. i want to buy your children really expensive christmas presents and be there for them as much as my own kids. i want you to leave your pets with me when you go on vacation, i believe in inside animals. we will always write thank you cards, and we will always say i love you. whether you act tough or not, whether you say to come or you say dont trouble yourself, we will always fly across the country just to hug eachother and be there. we will be honest, and more importantly humble in the face of our friends.
--> to my future. i will be so lost in you, and love it. i dont want to know where im going, but i want to go somewhere. you will be a constant source of frusteration, and you will be full of people i do and dont want to see. you will take me places i never knew id go. you will be heartache, you will be wonderful. most of all, you will provide nervous situations that i will overcome, and you will be full of bittersweet tears and moments where only a caramel mocha and a 2937842398 calorie chocolate brownie can somewhat ease the discomfort. you will not be predictable, and you will keep me young.
--> to the present. why are you so frusterating and complicated. why am i learning so much. youll be gone after im done writing this, so i guess this is going to be a short paragraph. i love you, im so blessed. you have taught me that sometimes im not the most important person, sometimes my hurt is not worth as much as the person that needs help. you have taught me to give, and to give up, and to not give up. youre a bitch present, and you make me laugh so hard.
--> to the world. i will change you. in small ways, in large ways, in a hundred and thirty one thousand places and times, we are such kindred spirits world. we will have so many good times, like we already have. thank you."
Just a bit of advice, my life seems like its going to be pretty extraordinary... you might want to stick around. hahaha jk. no actually im not, its gonna be that great. I would love for you to be there, and beg you to remind me that i wrote this entry, so that I'm there too...
and yes, yes i did spell frustrating wrong...
and finally... I think these "rules for dating i made still stand"
1. you must not be a flake, in any way shape or form, and it is not by job to drag you around so that you maintain interest in me, lame... get over that one
2. you must be interested in me times other than when you are drunk- actually i think this is a major prerequisite
3. no touching
4. no mac n cheese from the box
I have a tendency to lose my car keys
Ironically this same time in my life every year i refuse to play games and delete my myspace or facebook or whatever and tell everyone that they HAVE to be my friend in real life... some things never change. However im a little more self righteous now about people having those lifestyles, i think THEY are wrong and not me. Real life people, lets hang out in REAL LIFE (while i tell you about it on LJ)
A very interesting lesson i learned: lesson of the day: be friends with a controversial asshole like myself in hopes that they will tell the truth to you and stick up for you while youre not there
or i mean you could be nice to everyone and have everyone like you and have no soul, because lts face it. what you dont say matters, and what you dont do matters way more than when you mess up and try to fix it
Oh Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet... let me count the ways we have changed in just three years. I don't think i could have imagined it if i tried. The sadness that has happened in our lives, from small things that really shouldn't bother a person. Yet somehow, i can't see it that way. People are so irreplacable. There will never be another Sarah McCartan in my life, another rational sweet normal girl, i don't know where she... or our friendship went, but I love Sarah, and she will always make mistakes and learn, as will I. I can only hope that she comes back to us, the people who love her, and very much appreciated her for being tender and unafraid to be that way, life seems to have hardened her somehow, but the truth is, i understand.
Peyton is still the same, even if shes afraid of being that way now, still the same, still wonderful, still has independence and sweden flowing through her veins. I think she might be a bird. Dear sweet Peyton, just keep being you, I'm watching dead poets society right now and keep thinking man... wouldn't it be nice if we were all free thinkers and didn't kill ourselves when an obstacle came our ways. This also makes me think of how hard that is... and Catcher in the Rye... and how silly it is that we look at people with these questions about life, and appreciations, and just laugh at them and move on. No wonder, no wonder. I love you, my little free thinking bird. Keep free thinking, and if you run out of things to think about... reread this, i forgot that this was a reason I admired you so much :
" --> to peyton allison cook. what a unique and special girl you are. you ooze weird and taste and poise and danciness and ambition from every word and motion that comes from you. im so glad im reminded every monday wednesday and friday in addition to special days where i just run into you, that life is not a straight path, and sometimes you can run really fast and when you stop you end up in amazing unfamiliar territory, but you can pretty much poke fun of and laugh and be in awe of your surroundings, whether you are ready for them or not. oh the adventures we have had in the small amount of time weve hung out. there will be more to come, you will do great things young jedi. this is to one of the most honest people i know, i simply cannot doubt your intentions. you are so polite to everyone, but so real and open and protective of the ones you love. that is so admirable. what a brave brave brave girl you are."
Still true, perhaps you should soak it in <3
Dear sweet Leslie is still exactly the same, and i still very much wish she could go on untainted and not worry what people think. Shes so cool, shes like my friend Patrick and those great high school movie moral definitions of cool, my favorite type, the person who really deserves it. The person who is nice to everyone and loves life and making great things in it. Sweet Leslie, please have a martini and just laugh, otherwise i will be forced to come to chicago and punch you in the face, then buy you a martini.
I also wrote this, dear god i do not remember having such great ideas, but i sitll feel the same exact way.
"--> to my future love, i wont settle for anyone but you, youll be inspiring, think im way too good for you, ill never understand that, and youll be ambitious and on fire about life. you will be confident, and you wont need me to get by, which is why you wont take me for granted. i will be your special treat. we will take trips to paris for the weekend and call in sick monday morning because we got smashed in first class on the way back. we will walk to the thai market and youll cook me dinner because i probably will have forgotten how to cook by the time i get married. all the cute little thai girls will stare at you because youll be so devilishly good looking. we will laugh and youll respect my independence, youll embrace it, youll love to read, and you will fulfill me by being good at music and being capable of affection and be level headed. you will also admire that my affection runs deeper than touch or words, it will surface in my actions. you will love that i hate being asked questions in the morning, and wake up and ask me a slew of them just to piss me off, and when i start to yell youll start to laugh and so will i. we wont have any carpet.
--> to my best friends. youll love my husband and kick him out of the house to drink wine with me and get smashed and have fun girl nights when we are thirty five. we will dress up like we are fifteen and go see a teenybopper movies and laugh our asses off, we wont need a DD because we arent fifteen and can afford taxi cabs, or my cute husband will drop us off. we will cry, we will laugh, and we will bake eachother cookies and force ourselves to eat them despite the calories and our slowing metabolisms. i will probably want you in the delivery room instead of my husband, i want you to see me cry and be genuinly scared. i want you to tell me its okay when i dont tell you im upset. i want you to ask me for a hug, but you wont have to, i promise. i want you to force me to hug you, like you always have, big secret, its really not forced, i love you, im okay with the hug, i love the hug. i want to buy your children really expensive christmas presents and be there for them as much as my own kids. i want you to leave your pets with me when you go on vacation, i believe in inside animals. we will always write thank you cards, and we will always say i love you. whether you act tough or not, whether you say to come or you say dont trouble yourself, we will always fly across the country just to hug eachother and be there. we will be honest, and more importantly humble in the face of our friends.
--> to my future. i will be so lost in you, and love it. i dont want to know where im going, but i want to go somewhere. you will be a constant source of frusteration, and you will be full of people i do and dont want to see. you will take me places i never knew id go. you will be heartache, you will be wonderful. most of all, you will provide nervous situations that i will overcome, and you will be full of bittersweet tears and moments where only a caramel mocha and a 2937842398 calorie chocolate brownie can somewhat ease the discomfort. you will not be predictable, and you will keep me young.
--> to the present. why are you so frusterating and complicated. why am i learning so much. youll be gone after im done writing this, so i guess this is going to be a short paragraph. i love you, im so blessed. you have taught me that sometimes im not the most important person, sometimes my hurt is not worth as much as the person that needs help. you have taught me to give, and to give up, and to not give up. youre a bitch present, and you make me laugh so hard.
--> to the world. i will change you. in small ways, in large ways, in a hundred and thirty one thousand places and times, we are such kindred spirits world. we will have so many good times, like we already have. thank you."
Just a bit of advice, my life seems like its going to be pretty extraordinary... you might want to stick around. hahaha jk. no actually im not, its gonna be that great. I would love for you to be there, and beg you to remind me that i wrote this entry, so that I'm there too...
and yes, yes i did spell frustrating wrong...
and finally... I think these "rules for dating i made still stand"
1. you must not be a flake, in any way shape or form, and it is not by job to drag you around so that you maintain interest in me, lame... get over that one
2. you must be interested in me times other than when you are drunk- actually i think this is a major prerequisite
3. no touching
4. no mac n cheese from the box