The Sad Truth: All good things must come to an end.
The title says it all. Though towards the end what Muriel and I had wasn't a good thing. I got weird. Christian helped me realize things, just it was too late. I don't really know what happened to me though, why I got so weird. All I know is it stemmed from a pretty bad night Muriel and I had last Friday. I'm almost positive that if her and I had hung out after that, things would be a lot different then right now, but I definitely know that the break up was needed. I had been pushing aside the painfully obvious since Tuesday. And it helped sort of, I was able to come to terms with the fact that we were doomed and that the only way things could get better would be to be friends. Maybe things will change again, I just know I'll never be stupid like I was. I just couldn't make her laugh, and it was because we had nothing to talk about since that unpleasant experience. It's just a part of life, things are over, I'm off and running again. I can't sit still, I'm not gonna be like I once was a mope around about it. It's done, it's over, it's been laid to rest. Nothing I can do about it now, unless I want to dig it up, but why would I want to do that? There are so many new opportunities awaiting me out there, and I'm not gonna let them pass me by as I wait for something that may never come back. It probably won't, Muriel and I had our chance, it didn't work out. She'll find someone new, and I hope it's someone great, amazing. She deserves it. Lord knows she does. (I'll put in a good word for you! Remember, I'm a good catholic boy, I got connections with God.):D
I feel guilty though, I'm really indifferent about the whole situation. I'm not sure really if I stopped liking her, and that's why I didn't feel a change (except for this big burden being lifted off my chest) when things ended, or if I was just ready. If I had just emotionally prepared myself for this inevitable occurence. I believe though it was me worrying about this that caused it to happen. If I didnt' care so much, maybe she'd still be with me. I don't know, I almost broke up with her, even though we kinda did break up with each other. I'll just giver her the credit of dumping me since it's a very rare occurence. I'm not going to lie, I feel better now. Almost free? I don't want to say that, because it sounds really wrong, but it's honestly, deep down how I feel. Though I still want to hangout with her like we did before Friday. Just her and I, sittin' on the couch and watchin' a movie. Yeah, that's how life should be, that perfect bliss, but there is no bliss. Only ignorance.
On that note, I've realized that in the catholic church, ignorance truly is bliss. Here's my thought process, if you don't know something is a sin, and you commit it, you don't get blamed. You didn't know, therefore you are off the hook. That is the reason I dislike catholic school, because once I find out what it is I'm doing is a sin, I'm screwed. There goes that activity. I'm done, and I don't go to confession a lot either. I've been 3 times, and at 2 of the 3 I've lied about what it was I was confessing about. So at the last time I had to confess about my lies at confession. That's sad when you lie to a priest, but I was young and afraid that they too would take away my tv priveleges. How weird of a youngin' was I? Very weird I'd say.
I've always been an interesting kid. When kids would turn away and say "ew gross!" at the point when someone would kiss in the movies, I wouldn't. There was nothing wrong with it, it's just a kiss. It's funny because now those kids could careless. Ironic? Yes very. I can't help but laugh now. How different everyone is from when they were younger. I look back at myself, and realize, hey I'm not all that different, but when I really think about it I am. I now am not afraid to express my opinion. Grade school, I was quiet as could be. Very reserved and kept to myself. Now, well now I'm a sarcastic and intelligent human-being. I no longer have that fear of girls that I foolishly kept with me. What really is the worse they could do to me? Laugh at me? Rather have them do that, then ignore me. It was a stupid fear, but it has been replaced with Barney and emo kids. A unjustifiable fear replaced by two very understandable fears. *rolls eyes*
Ok, well I'm tired and ready to turn in, this has been a long entry. Wait til' the next one where I divulge the meaning of life.
I feel guilty though, I'm really indifferent about the whole situation. I'm not sure really if I stopped liking her, and that's why I didn't feel a change (except for this big burden being lifted off my chest) when things ended, or if I was just ready. If I had just emotionally prepared myself for this inevitable occurence. I believe though it was me worrying about this that caused it to happen. If I didnt' care so much, maybe she'd still be with me. I don't know, I almost broke up with her, even though we kinda did break up with each other. I'll just giver her the credit of dumping me since it's a very rare occurence. I'm not going to lie, I feel better now. Almost free? I don't want to say that, because it sounds really wrong, but it's honestly, deep down how I feel. Though I still want to hangout with her like we did before Friday. Just her and I, sittin' on the couch and watchin' a movie. Yeah, that's how life should be, that perfect bliss, but there is no bliss. Only ignorance.
On that note, I've realized that in the catholic church, ignorance truly is bliss. Here's my thought process, if you don't know something is a sin, and you commit it, you don't get blamed. You didn't know, therefore you are off the hook. That is the reason I dislike catholic school, because once I find out what it is I'm doing is a sin, I'm screwed. There goes that activity. I'm done, and I don't go to confession a lot either. I've been 3 times, and at 2 of the 3 I've lied about what it was I was confessing about. So at the last time I had to confess about my lies at confession. That's sad when you lie to a priest, but I was young and afraid that they too would take away my tv priveleges. How weird of a youngin' was I? Very weird I'd say.
I've always been an interesting kid. When kids would turn away and say "ew gross!" at the point when someone would kiss in the movies, I wouldn't. There was nothing wrong with it, it's just a kiss. It's funny because now those kids could careless. Ironic? Yes very. I can't help but laugh now. How different everyone is from when they were younger. I look back at myself, and realize, hey I'm not all that different, but when I really think about it I am. I now am not afraid to express my opinion. Grade school, I was quiet as could be. Very reserved and kept to myself. Now, well now I'm a sarcastic and intelligent human-being. I no longer have that fear of girls that I foolishly kept with me. What really is the worse they could do to me? Laugh at me? Rather have them do that, then ignore me. It was a stupid fear, but it has been replaced with Barney and emo kids. A unjustifiable fear replaced by two very understandable fears. *rolls eyes*
Ok, well I'm tired and ready to turn in, this has been a long entry. Wait til' the next one where I divulge the meaning of life.