if you tell me your reasons I'll tell you my inside jokes
today Lucy bought some fish from Petco... her dad came and made her go home
I hung out with Eric, Jaenan and Juan today. They rock hardcore style
I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. The urge to be alone is growing and the actual being alone part is getting more pleasant. I like watching movies alone in my sister's room on her bed with the lights off. Or dancing in my room with the music very loud, pretending to do my homework, alone. And when I don't want to be alone I want to be with a few good friends just talking. I've got no patience left for people who don't matter to me. I'm sure they matter to someone and that they're important but I don't care. The big hangouts at green briar I used to plan don't do anything for me anymore. I like being there with maybe three other kids. and I have to like the kids. If I don't I have almost no control over what I say. It's usually mean. My foundation is gone though. Or atleast shaken. What am I going to do out in Stafford by myself? I guess maybe thats why I'm tyring to be alone all the time now... preparing. I used to know what I wanted to be but I don't have it in me anymore. I'm lost. But I know I'm just playing out a role. I'm the lost indie kid that refuses to admit being lost. Its almost as though in some sick way it was meant to be. I keep missing school. I don't do my work. I disagree with everything. Its like a mold. And the most ironic thing about me being in the role of the dissenter is that the only way i could break it is to listen to bad music and agree. I could never do that. So I'll keep on being just a part of what I hate. Cause we all know they need kids like me so they can change us and point to us and say "look, we did some good"... we all are trapped in the roles we except but atleast it was us who excepted them. We have no one to blame but ourselves. And thats the only thing I'm proud of anymore
I hung out with Eric, Jaenan and Juan today. They rock hardcore style
I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. The urge to be alone is growing and the actual being alone part is getting more pleasant. I like watching movies alone in my sister's room on her bed with the lights off. Or dancing in my room with the music very loud, pretending to do my homework, alone. And when I don't want to be alone I want to be with a few good friends just talking. I've got no patience left for people who don't matter to me. I'm sure they matter to someone and that they're important but I don't care. The big hangouts at green briar I used to plan don't do anything for me anymore. I like being there with maybe three other kids. and I have to like the kids. If I don't I have almost no control over what I say. It's usually mean. My foundation is gone though. Or atleast shaken. What am I going to do out in Stafford by myself? I guess maybe thats why I'm tyring to be alone all the time now... preparing. I used to know what I wanted to be but I don't have it in me anymore. I'm lost. But I know I'm just playing out a role. I'm the lost indie kid that refuses to admit being lost. Its almost as though in some sick way it was meant to be. I keep missing school. I don't do my work. I disagree with everything. Its like a mold. And the most ironic thing about me being in the role of the dissenter is that the only way i could break it is to listen to bad music and agree. I could never do that. So I'll keep on being just a part of what I hate. Cause we all know they need kids like me so they can change us and point to us and say "look, we did some good"... we all are trapped in the roles we except but atleast it was us who excepted them. We have no one to blame but ourselves. And thats the only thing I'm proud of anymore