The AIDS of Innocents...
Often times I will tell my story and people say "Oh, what a shame. You're such an innocent victim of all this." or from the Catholic Church "Of course we accept you and welcome you, you're an innocent"... or "but you're different, AIDS came to you; you didn't go to it".
What the crap is that all about?!?!?!
I have touched upon this topic before, but I guess I did not go into enough detail.
What I am getting at is that some people make the distinction on how they're going to feel about you having HIV based on how you got it. If you get HIV from MTC (mother-to-child) transmission or through a blood transfusion for example, then you are considered just an innocent victim of the virus. However, if you got it through IV drug use, or unprotected sex for example then you are dirty, a whore, basically guilty and sinful and now have to deal with punishment from god. I don't buy that, and I think it is a huge contributing factor to the stigma that positive people face in today's society. I know that when I first started disclosing to my closest friends, I used to always explain how my mother died first (from AIDS-defining illnesses) and then go into how she passed the virus on to me. The reason I did that was because I didn't want to be judged, I wanted whoever I was telling at the time, to see me as "an innocent".
The fact is we (HIV + individuals) do it within our own community. I cannot tell you the number of times I've heard, but you didn't do anything - I did. Who cares? I know there's the matter of self deprecation and self disappointment and guilt. I get it. However, if we make a distinction in our own community - one that contributes to the stigma, how do we expect the stigma to stop? How are people outside of the community expected to not make the same distinction? I guess that I've just been a little more exposed to it as of late since I started talking to more + people.
The point is, why does it matter how someone contracted HIV? They have it and HIV is a virus which means there is no cure. The virus that is in my blood, is the same virus that can be found in the blood of my other "hiver" friends regardless of how they got it. The only difference in most cases is that I've been dealing with this longer.
Other than the abnormal sect of bug chasers and gift givers, we didn't ask for HIV. No one did. For some it came as the result of an accident, a mistake, falsely placed trust. In other cases, the very blood that was used to save their life in one situation infected them and changed their life forever.
If you judge just one of them, you judge us all. I was infected by my mother who was infected through IV drug use. You cannot tell me that while she was trying to feed her addiction, she was hoping to shoot up with some HIV as well. Yes people need to be responsible for their actions and held accountable, but isn't HIV enough accountability without the peanut gallery stepping in? I can tell you that most of the people I talk to blame themselves and feel more guilt and anger from themselves without anyone's help, and in fact the words of others could not hold as much weight as their own feelings.
Behind the cut are pictures of my fellow speakers and dear friends that posed in POZ magazine. All of us have HIV. Could you tell from looking at the pictures? By looking at the pictures, can you tell how each of us was infected?
Todd
Ralph & Nina
David
Josh & Christina
Photo credit: Reena + Adam
Bueller?
To be continued...
Submissions Requested
Does HIV Look Like Me: What HIV means and is in the words of my friends. If I post your answer- I'll send you something in the mail :)
***ETA*** - you can submit by posting a comment or emailing me apositivevoice at gmail dot com
What the crap is that all about?!?!?!
I have touched upon this topic before, but I guess I did not go into enough detail.
What I am getting at is that some people make the distinction on how they're going to feel about you having HIV based on how you got it. If you get HIV from MTC (mother-to-child) transmission or through a blood transfusion for example, then you are considered just an innocent victim of the virus. However, if you got it through IV drug use, or unprotected sex for example then you are dirty, a whore, basically guilty and sinful and now have to deal with punishment from god. I don't buy that, and I think it is a huge contributing factor to the stigma that positive people face in today's society. I know that when I first started disclosing to my closest friends, I used to always explain how my mother died first (from AIDS-defining illnesses) and then go into how she passed the virus on to me. The reason I did that was because I didn't want to be judged, I wanted whoever I was telling at the time, to see me as "an innocent".
The fact is we (HIV + individuals) do it within our own community. I cannot tell you the number of times I've heard, but you didn't do anything - I did. Who cares? I know there's the matter of self deprecation and self disappointment and guilt. I get it. However, if we make a distinction in our own community - one that contributes to the stigma, how do we expect the stigma to stop? How are people outside of the community expected to not make the same distinction? I guess that I've just been a little more exposed to it as of late since I started talking to more + people.
The point is, why does it matter how someone contracted HIV? They have it and HIV is a virus which means there is no cure. The virus that is in my blood, is the same virus that can be found in the blood of my other "hiver" friends regardless of how they got it. The only difference in most cases is that I've been dealing with this longer.
Other than the abnormal sect of bug chasers and gift givers, we didn't ask for HIV. No one did. For some it came as the result of an accident, a mistake, falsely placed trust. In other cases, the very blood that was used to save their life in one situation infected them and changed their life forever.
If you judge just one of them, you judge us all. I was infected by my mother who was infected through IV drug use. You cannot tell me that while she was trying to feed her addiction, she was hoping to shoot up with some HIV as well. Yes people need to be responsible for their actions and held accountable, but isn't HIV enough accountability without the peanut gallery stepping in? I can tell you that most of the people I talk to blame themselves and feel more guilt and anger from themselves without anyone's help, and in fact the words of others could not hold as much weight as their own feelings.
Behind the cut are pictures of my fellow speakers and dear friends that posed in POZ magazine. All of us have HIV. Could you tell from looking at the pictures? By looking at the pictures, can you tell how each of us was infected?
Todd
Ralph & Nina
David
Josh & Christina
Photo credit: Reena + Adam
Bueller?
To be continued...
Submissions Requested
Does HIV Look Like Me: What HIV means and is in the words of my friends. If I post your answer- I'll send you something in the mail :)
***ETA*** - you can submit by posting a comment or emailing me apositivevoice at gmail dot com